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“Having a kid turned him soft,” Hobo says and throws out his line again. “Wasn’t so noticeable for a while. Then, he became mayor and smiled more. Not real grins, but those fake-ass ones. Selene put the final nail into his asshole cred.”
“He still throws down when necessary.”
“He’s actually more dangerous now, if you ask me. As young men, we didn’t care if we died as much as if we won. We could be downright reckless,” Hobo says, chuckling at old memories.
I share his amusement. We both took chances, leaving us bloody and nearly dead.
Hobo gives up on fishing and leans back. “Ruin’s gotten more careful about starting shit. But if shit gets going, he’ll need to be merciless to avoid trouble hitting his family. You must know how that feels now.”
“Irina leaves me weak, yeah.”
Hobo sizes me up. “I wasn’t going to say nothing. Except I don’t think Irina plans on sharing her secret. She’s scared probably. Maybe she ought to be.”
“Tell me what?” I mutter, getting my back up.
“She’s pregnant, man.”
Silence hangs between us as I consider his words. I recall how Irina’s been worn down lately. I blamed the stress and colder weather. She’s always chilly when we’re outside my bedroom. Of course, a baby would make sense since we stopped using condoms months ago.
“How do you know?”
“When she’s out back with Fiona, she’s always rubbing her belly. She doesn’t do it much when walking around the property. But when she’s with Fiona, who can’t see shit, Irina strokes her belly and gets that look ladies wear when they’ve cooking a little one.”
“But you don’t really know.”
“No, but yesterday, Yagger told me how Wynonna claimed to sense Irina’s pregnancy. Like her lady Spidey senses told her that your woman was knocked up. I don’t know if Wynonna ever got a confirmation.”
I consider the last few weeks with Irina. She’s been emotional, but I sense she’s mostly freaked out about change. Life with Fiona distracted her from thinking about the past. I got the same way at the Pigsty. Figured I’d put my past behind me. I believed I’d become as healthy as a man could be.
Then, my mom died, and I felt like my world ended.
I got wasted for months. If I wasn’t drunk, I was stoned. I fucked three or four women a day and then none at all for six months. I just couldn’t find relief from the pain inside.
Eventually, I hid in the woods with Hobo. The Valley’s unforgiving landscape broke me down to my most basic self. I only needed food, water, and shelter. Everything else was a luxury.
A snake in my tent finally got my ass back into the Pigsty. By then, I was mostly numb. My mom felt like a memory rather than a flesh-and-blood person. I still sulked a lot.
Armor started yelling at me to get off my ass and help out. He’d send me on rides with other members to check our investments around McMurdo Valley. I hated Armor for giving me shit, but I eventually figured out how he was providing me with a routine.
I coped by embracing the pain before filing it away deep inside. When I think of Irina waking up to find her family dead, I suspect she immediately pushed down her grief. She talks about how much she wanted to get away from her parents. I think she kept her mind on that goal until she forgot to do any mourning at all.
Maybe our relationship ripped away her protection or the possible pregnancy triggered her. Either way, she seems more vulnerable every time we’re together.
When my silence sticks for too long, Hobo taps my boot with his own. “Look, I wasn’t looking to crap on Irina’s big news. I figured if Ruin gave you pushback about killing Jimbo, you could mention the pregnancy. With Selene knocked up, he’s got babies on the brain.”
“If he says no, I’m doing it anyway.”
“Sure,” Hobo replies and shrugs. “I’ll help you, too. My life always works better when I ask for forgiveness rather than permission. Besides, Jimbo is on my kill list if I ever get a terminal illness and want to destroy my enemies on my way out.”
“Got an actual list, huh?”
“Don’t you?”
“Don’t need a list for only a handful of people.”
I consider Hobo’s recent behavior—the haircut and going to the dentist to fix his teeth. Weeks ago, I even worried he had a thing for Irina.
“People are talking about your appearance changes,” I say rather than put the blame on me. “Have you found a reason to look pretty?”
