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“I told you how I’ve got no use for a girlfriend.”
“But why get pretty when you’re still living in the woods? You didn’t fix yourself up when you were around everyone. Seems backward.”
“I’m doing it for Kourtney.”
Hobo’s younger sister is the club’s lawyer and a solid ballbuster. Like Wynonna, Kourtney ran with our crew when we were young. These days, she spends her time buying shit she doesn’t need and riding men with bigger dicks than brains.
“Why Kourtney?”
“She’s got a rich, stuffy boyfriend. They hook up a few times a year. It’s not super serious, but I get the sense she wants it to be.”
“And she’s putting pressure on you to get pretty?”
Hobo smirks. “No, Kourtney claims she wants me to be me. But she also wants me to come on a trip to Aspen to meet this guy. She mentioned it back in the summer, so I knew it was serious. I figured I’d make her life a little easier by cleaning myself up. That way, I don’t stick out like a sore thumb around her rich friends.”
“But I heard Kourtney flipped out over your haircut.”
“No doubt, she’s gotten herself torn up about shit. Kourtney wants me to go to this ski resort and hobnob with her rich friends, but we both know I can’t fit in as me. When I change my look to make shit easier, she feels guilty. Because deep down, she’s embarrassed of me.”
Hobo shrugs. “Kourtney wants us to be loyal like we were as kids. We are, of course. That’s why I got the haircut. I’m trying to do right by her. And there’s no shame in her feeling embarrassment over how I live. I don’t feel any guilt over rolling my eyes at her over-the-top excesses. Like, she really needs to own so many fucking condos. Me thinking she’s wasteful doesn’t mean I don’t love her. People make shit too damn complicated.”
Hobo grunts his annoyance at the topic. Sensing he’s done talking for now, I ought to fall back into the easy silence we usually share. Instead, I ask, “How do you think I’d take to being a dad?”
“You’re going to be real awkward at first,” Hobo says while resting his eyes. “Like, not knowing what to do and thinking you’re fucking up even when you’re doing just fine. Basically, you’ll be the opposite of Tomcat.”
I consider my club brother with his handful of kids by women he fucked and lost interest in years ago. Tomcat clearly loves his kids, but he doesn’t really care all that much about them. He pays their bills and visits them. Occasionally, he’ll bring them around the Pigsty.
His kids are kinda rotten. I don’t like one of the little boys. He climbed on my lap and slapped my face before laughing his ass off. I handed him to his father and avoided the little shit from that point on.
Edgy now, I mutter, “How am I supposed to be a dad when I never had one?”
“It’s not hard, man. Your stepdad didn’t try his best and fail. He made a mindful choice to be an asshole to you. With your kid, choose to be a good dad.”
Rubbing at my jaw, I feel my chest squeezing tight until I can barely breathe. “I want Irina, all the time. Dating isn’t enough. That’s real. But I don’t know about having a house of my own or raising a kid. That shit feels out of my wheelhouse.”
Frowning, I imagine having a home like Ruin or Nomad do. Their places are comfortable despite all the bells and whistles. I like visiting their houses, but I just can’t wrap my head around living somewhere similar.
“I want to give Irina everything.”
Hobo nods. “You will. But neither of you are ready for that.”
“That’s a defect in me, though, right? Ruin moved Selene in after a month or two. Nomad took Landry in right away. Armor was living with Yazmin within a week of them dating. They all just had it in them to do something I don’t.”
Sighing, Hobo gives me a hard pat on the back. “You’re seeing shit wrong, but that’s cool. Your stepdad did a number on you, and your mom, well, you’ve put her up on a mountain-sized pedestal. You’d do best to settle your britches.”
“But how am I seeing anything wrong?”
“Unlike Ruin and Nomad, you don’t have a house to move your lady into. They’d already built those big fucking places for their practice chicks. And Armor could slide into Yazmin’s life. But Irina’s living in other people’s spaces. When she comes here, she worries about what’s happening to Fiona. And it’s not like you can drop by and chill at the guesthouse. You’ve got no home for you two to play house in. So just calm down.”
“I want her with me all the time.”
“Well, if you unleashed your inner bully on her, I bet you could talk Irina into moving into the Pigsty.”
“What about Fiona?”
“Well, that’s the real sticking point, isn’t it?” he asks and scratches his beard. “Not the baby or the past. It’s Fiona Rogers. She can’t move to the Pigsty, and you can’t go to the guesthouse. Irina is stuck between two people she loves.”
“Well, once I have the house, Fiona can live with us. Problem solved.”
