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Wynonna must hear the defensive anger in my voice. She studies me before glancing at Callie. Everyone else remains silent as if a fight might be brewing.
“Jillian was like two people, I guess,” Wynonna says. “There was the middle-class bitch who raised three shitty daughters and went to luncheons with other middle-class bitches. My mom used to go to those things. She said the women were mean. I don’t know if Jillian was one of them, but it made me distrust her.”
Exhaling roughly, Wynonna gets a far-off look in her eyes. “Jillian also had a wild side. She encouraged Eagle to learn to fight and run with our crew. Later after the club started, she would ride around on the back of his hog. That’s the woman Eagle loved. But that wasn’t all she was.”
“Because people are complicated,” Callie adds.
Wynonna narrows her pretty eyes. “I’m not.”
“You’re the softest, most delicate flower I’ve ever met,” Callie lies, making Rosemary and Landry grin. “But also, the biggest redneck bitch in the county.”
“How dare you?” Wynonna says with such feigned rage that the technicians go still. “Have you completely forgotten about Landry’s redneck in-laws? They’re way worse than me. You’d remember shit better if you weren’t always destroying your brain follicles by bleaching your hair.”
Callie replies with a list of redneck things her daughter-in-law has done including dumping a stray tire in her front yard for no reason.
This back-and-forth goes on for the entire time we have our nails done. They decide to “agree to disagree” when they prepare for massages. With me barely finished with my first trimester, I can’t have one. Selene and Yazmin plan to skip the massages, too, while Rosemary, Callie, and Wynonna are gung-ho for a rub down. Landry remains on the fence.
I just sit in the salon chair and try to disappear. Listening to other people is safer than sharing my own stories.
As Wynonna and Callie poke at each other on their way to the bathroom, I notice Landry studying me. Based on her expression, I’m sure she’s about to mention my dead children.
“Wynonna had a crush on Eagle,” Landry says instead. “That was long ago, of course. If she gets too loud or rude toward you, just assume she’s working through those feelings.”
“Oh,” I say, glancing back at where Wynonna went.
Sticking close, Landry smiles at me. Her expressive brown eyes reveal how she’s thinking about what I lost. As the mother of five, Landry looks at me and sees her worst nightmare. I don’t blame her. Whenever I look at her, I hear Owen calling for his mommy.
That’s why I’m happy when everyone focuses on Wynonna and Callie bickering in the next room. Their antics keep my mind off my son. I don’t even consider the child I’m carrying. I only imagine Eagle’s reaction to these women’s prickly relationship. I bet he remains very silent, almost afraid to move and draw their attention.
Grinning to myself, I do just as he would. My thoughts wander to Fiona. We should schedule a spa treatment at the house. If Fiona can’t find the courage to leave the property, I can recreate the experience in her safe space.
My thoughts of Fiona are interrupted when the sisters need to leave. Selene’s troubled pregnancy makes me appreciate how lucky I’ve been so far. Just a little nausea and fatigue.
That’s why I figured I could hide my pregnancy. Except Wynonna figured it out just by looking at me. Everyone knows except the baby’s father.
Despite understanding how my silence is a mistake, I still don’t say the words to Eagle when we talk later. I’ve fully convinced myself that the baby will spell the end of our relationship. Every time I’m ready to fess up, I feel the cold panic of losing Eagle.
Silence allows me to dream a little longer.
However, silence is also a lie of omission.
Eagle deserves the truth. I just need to find the inner steel to speak it.
