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“No,” she mutters like I’m stupid. “I feel like I need to earn my place here, but I’m not fun like you, and I don’t want a man. With Coretta, I get to be me instead of trying to be you.”
I feel scolded. Not because of Anouk’s words but because she’s right. I haven’t really seen her path clearly. I figured she’d like the carefree fun at the homestead. I even imagined her falling for one of the single men. We’d live here together, and Anouk would feel the comfort I do with Ike’s family.
“Just promise you won’t keep helping OG Meemaw if you don’t like the job.”
“I will tell you the truth,” Anouk says and wraps an arm around my shoulders. “You’re the only person I’ve ever trusted to be truthful with.”
My sister’s words inspire me to ask, “Do you want to dance with us at the church later?”
“No. But not because I’m afraid to see our parents. I just don’t want to dance.”
Nodding, I ask, “Do you want to come along and watch like Ike and the men?”
Two hours later, an excited Anouk stands with the homestead men while I join the women as they dance to “When I Grow Up” by The Pussycat Dolls.
I don’t worry about keeping rhythm. A pregnant Rie mostly shakes her ass at the church while cheered on by her daughters standing with Denver.
I always figured if I got to be with Ike and was invited to dance across from the Trinity Church that I would do it as a big middle finger to my parents. It felt like a revenge move.
Except rather than focus on the church members yelling insults at us, I’m more in tune with the women around me. These are my friends and family now. I see their personalities come out in their dancing. There’s Tuesday’s aggressively sexual moves, Roxie’s reserved swaying routine, Edith’s sexy punching-kicking thing, and Alexis’s hair-tossing groove. Cricket doesn’t dance as much as stroke her gun to the beat.
Since I don’t really like the music, I just sway my ass to my internal playlist. I hear The Runaways, Van Halen, and Def Leppard. Instead of thinking about my parents or the church elders, I imagine Ike’s hands on me. Or the way I feel when I’m riding on the back of his motorcycle. My parents don’t even register.
Over the next few weeks, I do sometimes worry they’ll try something else sinister. Ike chuckles after I mention my worries one night in bed after Otto and Betty return to her mother’s house.
“Now that we have your birth certificate, the sheriff’s department told your parents how they’re under investigation for filing a false police report. I suspect the Trinity dipshits will back off for a while.”
His words are a relief. Anouk’s often unprotected off the homestead. She helps Coretta around the house by cooking, cleaning and, taking care of the woman’s chickens and pig.
A few days ago, Anouk hinted how she might want to move in with OG Meemaw. The only sticking point is she can’t go to the store or run other errands without worrying about our family and the church. If my parents are afraid of getting arrested, they’ll behave and Anouk can move freely around town.
“I’ll have my own room,” Anouk tells me as she packs up her few belongings. “I like taking care of her animals. And Coretta enjoys my bland cooking. She can’t handle anything with more flavor.”
“You just got here,” I mumble, feeling as if I’m the reason she’s rushing to leave.
Anouk pauses her packing and smiles at me. “I was never going to run away. When we talked about it, I always knew I’d stay at home. Even when Jarin decided to marry me, I started trying to make myself be okay with that reality. But then, you stood up to our parents, and I realized maybe they weren’t so powerful. That’s why I ran away, and I’m not going back. Working for Coretta feels exciting. I get a TV in my room, and she has a reading tablet with so many books on it.”
Stepping back from my own hurt feelings, I realize how my sister is truly happy. She isn’t leaving to avoid me or hide away. This job offers her the freedom I found with Ike.
Days after my sister moves to Coretta’s place, I seek out Journey in her family room. With Ike at a club meeting, I had considered working at Tempting Treats with Edith, but Tuesday seemed to want alone time with her “bestie bitch.”
Besides, I need to talk to someone with experience missing their period. That’s why I track down Journey, who currently only works part-time as an ultrasound technician.
“I think I’m pregnant,” I tell Journey, who stops reading and stares at me with an impenetrable expression. “None of my sisters got pregnant the first month they were married. Is that a normal thing?”
Journey narrows her eyes, probably thinking I’m stupid. Sighing, she suddenly wears a normal expression.
“Have you used any protection at all?”
“No,” I reply as my hands go to my stomach. “It seems too soon.”
“It only takes one time. In fact, I knew a girl who got pregnant after a half-bang. The guy pulled out but had already leaked inside her.”
“Are you angry?”
Patting the spot next to her on the couch, she explains, “I assumed Ike was using condoms.”
“I said we didn’t need to.”
