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“I saw how you were together. You want her.”
I fall back onto my bed when he releases me. He’s never looked at me like he’s looking at me right now, with so much disgust. I force myself to look away.
My mum knocks on the door. “Everything okay?”
“No, Mum, it’s not. I want him to leave,” I sob.
Ace opens the door. “No one comes in and no one leaves this room.” He hands her my door key. “Lock it from the outside and give the key to Hulk. Only Doc gets a pass.”
“No,” I scream, rushing to the door, “don’t leave me in here.” Flashbacks of the dark cellar fill my head and I beat my fists against Ace’s back. He kicks the door closed and pulls me into his arms.
“I ain’t going nowhere, baby, not until you’re better.”
Ace goes into my bathroom, and I hear the shower turn on. Then he comes back to get me, lifting me into his arms and carrying me like a child into the bathroom. I bury my face into his chest. “A cool shower will help,” he whispers. He steps into the cold jet spray, not bothering to remove any of our clothes. I hiss as the water soaks my pyjamas, saturating them through.
Once Ace is satisfied that I’m wet enough, he steps out and sits me on the side unit. “Get out of the clothes, and I’ll find you something dry to wear.” When he returns, he freezes at the sight of me. I hear his sharp intake of breath as I stare at myself in the mirror. I’m littered in bruises, bite marks, and small cuts. My face is swollen and both my eyes are black. “Get dressed or you’ll catch a cold,” he mutters, placing my pyjamas on the side and leaving.
I dress and go into my room, where I find Ace sitting by the window, staring intently out into the night. I silently climb into the bed. He looks deep in thought, and I don’t want to interrupt him.
I lay awake, shivering and shaking. Eventually, Ace sighs and makes his way over to me. Lifting the sheets, he climbs in behind me and wraps himself around me. I don’t say anything, but I’m grateful for his closeness. The nightmares that await me may not come if I’m in his arms.
Sometime later, I wake screaming. It’s not a scared scream—it’s a blood-curdling, horrified scream as I fight my way out of the sheets that are wrapped around my legs and restricting me. Ace is by my side in seconds, hushing me and stroking my sweat-soaked head.
“I was just in the toilet,” he whispers. “You’re okay.” I grip him to me, wrapping my arms around his neck and breathing in his scent. His musky aftershave calms me instantly. “It’s okay, baby,” he soothes.
The rest of the night goes the same way. I sleep for maybe half an hour and wake screaming with Ace whispering words of comfort into my ear. When the sun rises, I’m exhausted, but I don’t go back to sleep. That’s where the nightmares await. Instead, I pull a sheet around myself and take a seat by the window. I used to love watching the busy London streets. Our clubhouse is set a little off the main streets, but factories nearby create a lot of passing traffic and workers heading that way. Today, as I look out, I want to scream at them. Why are they carrying on with everyday life when my world has fallen apart? How can things be so normal yet so messed up? I’m jealous that they can go to work and be free of the images that litter my thoughts.
“You’re awake,” yawns Ace, stretching. “How are you feeling?”
“Tired, dirty, pissed-off, angry . . . how do you think I’m feeling?” I’m snappy and irritated. I don’t mean to take it out on Ace, but it’s a stupid question and I have so many feelings, I’m not sure which is the correct answer.
“I meant are you still craving?”
“Yes, of course, I am. It doesn’t just stop.”
Ace sits up, swinging his legs over the edge of the bed and rubbing his face. He looks tired despite having just woke up. “What happened was shit Mae, and I was right there with you, but don’t take it out on me. I’m here to support you.”
“Nobody asked you to be here.”
“You want me to go?” I nod and turn back to the window. He won’t leave me alone, he’s too stubborn. He pulls out his mobile as I watch his reflection in the window. “Hey, sorry, man, I know it’s early. Can you come and let me out?”
I whip my head around. “You’re going?”
“Thanks, man, I owe you.” He disconnects the call and stands. “You want me to go, you just said.”
“Fine, leave me alone. I knew you didn’t care.”
“Christ, woman, say what you mean. I’m not a damn mind reader.”
The sound of the key in the door gets my heart racing. I remember how badly I need a hit, so I stand, waiting for Hulk to open it. “Good morning,” says Hulk in a cheery voice. I make a dash for the door, but Ace had already guessed my move and he hooks his arm around my waist and pulls me to him.
“Not so fast, baby,” he whispers.
“I need some air,” I growl, trying to push his arm away.
“Then I’ll open the window.”
“I want to walk.”
