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“Not yet. You need to stop shaking first. Get this shit out your system and then you can go for a walk wherever and whenever you like.”
“Ace, please,” I begin to cry again. I’ve never cried so many tears in such a short space of time.
“Pres, we could walk her around together,” offers Hulk sympathetically.
“She doesn’t want a walk, she wants to get her hands on that damn needle.”
“I don’t,” I cry, “I promise.”
Ace wipes my tears with his thumbs. “Fine, just around the clubhouse. Five minutes and then back in here. Doc will be here soon.”
Chapter Seventeen
ACE
We walk Mae around like a damn dog. She can’t stop shaking, and she’s still scratching at her arms like her skin is crawling with insects.
Hulk takes her back to her room. She’s tired, but I doubt she’ll sleep. I tell her I have work to catch up on, and though I have no intentions of working, I can’t sit in that room watching her claw at her skin. I don’t know how to make her better, and I feel helpless, more helpless than when I was hanging from the ceiling while she was being raped. Then, I had no choice, but now, I’m walking free and I still can’t help her. I want to take away her nightmares because God knows she’s getting them bad. I sat every hour throughout the night with her as she screamed and lashed out.
Hulk enters the office and takes a seat. “Shit, man, she’s a mess.”
I sigh. “Yep.”
“Do I dare ask what the fuck they did?”
“I’m sure you can imagine. They did it to break me. Why the fuck would they do that? They didn’t want anything from us apart from breaking the club apart. They could have killed us.”
“They fucked up. They weren’t after you really. It was Lucy they needed.”
“I need to sort out that shit too. How’s Tag?”
“Like a bear with a sore head, yelling at everyone, fighting, drinking. He wants her back.”
“Of course, he does. Lucy’s just upset, but she’ll come around. She loves Tag.”
“What about you and Mae, is there anything going on there?” I shake my head, and my heart aches in my chest. How can there ever be anything now? It was my fault she ended up in that place. “Do you want there to be?” I shrug, and Hulk smiles. “Well, it’s not a no, so surely there’s hope there.”
“We’ve been through too much. She’s been through too much. How can she want to be with me after what’s happened? Just being connected with me put her in that position.”
“It’s our life, Pres, and Mae loves this life. It’s all she’s ever known. If she wasn’t with you, she’d be claimed by another biker and be happy about it. It’s the life she wants.”
“That doesn’t make it okay, and it doesn’t make me feel any better. If she knows what’s good for her, she’ll get the fuck out of this life and move far away from it. She deserves a happy ever after that I can’t give her,” I say.
“You sure about it?”
“I don’t do happy ever after. She needs a house and a man who’s got a nine-to-five job. She needs two kids and a puppy. She needs someone her own age.”
Hulk laughs. “Sounds like you’ve got it all worked out.” He stands and walks to the door. “Just one problem with your life plan for Mae.”
“And what’s that?”
“It’s not her plan, it’s yours. She wants this life, she wants you, and every time you turn her away, hoping she’ll go for that other life, you break her heart. Just love her, Pops. It’s all she wants.”
He leaves, and I sit back in my chair. I know what he’s saying is true. Mae loves this life, although I’m not sure she still feels like that after everything. I open my drawer and look at the expensive bottle of malt I keep in there. After running my finger over the golden label, I grip the bottle neck. It’s not even ten in the morning and I’m reaching for the bottle. I pull my hand away and slam the drawer, annoyed with myself for even thinking about it when she’s up there going through hell.
There’s a light knock on the door and Angel saunters in. “I haven’t had a chance to tell you how much I’ve missed you.” I watch her as she moves closer, her hips swaying seductively.
“I thought I said all club girls had to leave the clubhouse.”
