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My chest tightens, and I turn to the side, dry heaving with every muscle in my body at the thought of having to do any of that again.
Damien's hands slide up and down my back as I bend over to the side. Blood is everywhere, and I’m beyond thankful nothing is coming up so I don’t have more of a mess to worry about later.
“It’s okay, Little Shadow. I’m here. I’m not going anywhere.” As if to prove his point, he puts his arm under my knees and pulls me into his lap when I finish heaving. He moves my bloodied leg tight to him and it soaks his shirt. I can’t even muster up the strength to tell him to go away or leave me alone. Instead, I lean into him, letting his warmth and scent comfort me. Never in my life would I have imagined a tatted Russian mafia man holding me would bring me a sense of serenity. But I’m grateful he’s here as my hand traces the blade down my other thigh, still needing to let more of the emotions out.
After a while, I hear the door open again. Lev’s scent envelops me as he crouches down in front of Damien and slides his hand down my hair.
“We had no idea he was planning that,” he whispers, his knuckles graze over my tear stained cheek gently. I peel my eyes open with the last of the energy I have and look at him. I believe him. His face tells me everything I need to know. My head nods slowly before my eyes fall closed again and blackness takes over.
For a moment I wonder if I cut too deep, I could be bleeding out right here. I’m almost relieved to find, I don’t really care. If it all ends here, I don’t care. My entire life has been training to fight, enduring abuse, and giving up any moment of happiness in my quest for revenge. If that’s all that matters anymore, then I'm happy to leave this life. Maybe in the next life, things won’t be so hard. Maybe I’ll be allowed to be happy.
I hear voices call to me as the darkness gets deeper. My chest slows, then stops, and I smile. I have no idea if it’s all in my head, but I fucking smile because maybe peace isn’t so far away after all.
Chapter 38
I’m getting really fucking tired of seeing this girl in a hospital bed. When I found her in Damien's lap with blood all over the floor, I didn’t know what to think. I just needed her to know we had nothing to do with that video. Damien carried her to the hospital and I followed closely. She was limp in his arms and didn’t move the entire time.
She didn’t flinch when they stitched up the twenty cuts she made in her leg or when they started an IV and gave her fluids along with sedatives to keep her asleep. Her heart was on the verge of giving out between panic attacks and stress. Doc said the only way it could heal is if she rested.
She’s been here for almost a week now under mild sedation. He also informed us she’s on a lot of mood-stabilizing medications. And that she has a therapist back home that she can contact when she wakes up if needed.
I texted Arrow about her condition, and he’s come by to check on her most days. He never stays long, but it’s enough to see that he cares. Arrow seems genuinely worried about her this time, and wants us to take her recovery seriously, as if we weren’t already going to. I know he’s been speaking with Alexi about her classes.
Damien and I haven’t left her side. There was an unspoken agreement that we take turns to get food, drinks, or a change of clothes. But most of the time, we end up sitting on this couch, watching her.
When we first arrived, Alexi showed up and we refused to let him in her room. He swears he didn’t do this, and as the week has passed, I’m beginning to believe him. He may have anger issues as well as impulse control problems, but sharing such a degrading video is a stretch, even for him.
I have some people digging into the incident, and the deeper I dive, the more I’m convinced Bryce had something to do with this. He’s back at the top now, buddied up to Alexi. He’s even gone so far as to start ordering people around like he’s a damn King himself. The more I think about it, the angrier I get. If he was the one to do this, he’s going to fucking pay.
Damien and I haven’t told Alexi about what Bryce did to Evie on the beach. We haven’t had the time. But I feel like that conversation needs to happen soon. Something about this girl makes me want to protect her. Ineedto protect her. I’ve never taken a girl seriously before, much less wanted a relationship with one. Evie’s different though. Her sass and refusal to bow down is refreshing. She’s like a raging fire—you know it’s going to hurt if you get too close, but you crave the burn.
Knowing someone did this to her makes me fucking furious. She’s ours, onlyours. I didn’t realize my entire body has tensed, my fists clenched so hard that my nails break the skin in my palms until Damien clears his throat.
“You okay there, man?” Damien asks in a low voice like he’s trying not to wake Evie.
I relax slightly. “No.”
I need to tell him how I’ve been feeling. Seeing him care for Evie the past few days is like watching a completely different person. He brushes her hair, making sure it doesn’t get tangled as she sleeps. The man who barely moisturizes, washes her face every morning with a damp cloth and puts chapstick on her dry lips. He asks Doc questions every day, checking in on her about things I didn’t even think to ask. I see the way he cares about her, how intensely he cares, which is why I have to tell him I feel the same.
“I need to tell you something, D,” I say.
He sits up, giving me his attention. “Okay, what is it?”
“I want her,” I tell him plainly. “I want her to be mine.”
He sighs before looking at Evie. She’s so still that it sets my nerves on edge. My eyes hardly stray from the monitors attached to her. I know the headaches I’ve been getting recently have to be from staring at the screens. I just can’t bring myself to stop. I’ve never even stared at my computer screens this hard, but I need reassurance that her heart is still beating.
“I want her too,” he says softly. I watch him watching her. His brows pinch together as he looks back at me. “What if we both keep her?” he asks.
A chuckle escapes me at his words, but not for the reason he thinks. He straightens his back, sitting up to glare daggers at me.
“Nice, asshole,” he says with a scoff.
“I’m not laughing at the idea,” I tell him. “I think sharing her with you would be fucking hot. I’m laughing at your words.” I gesture to Evie. “That is not a girl to be kept. She is a woman you fight for, someone you spend every day reminding that they are good enough. A woman you let be free, knowing they will always come back to you. If you can promise me you’ll be that for her, then I’ll share.” My voice is serious.
He looks at me, really looks at me. His hand reaches out and he slides his knuckles down my cheek. He’s warm and comforting, and everything I didn’t know I needed after this week.
Damien has always been there, just out of my reach.
