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“Where can I drop my stuff off?”
“Right over here,” he said, guiding me down a short hallway and into a guest bedroom, plush white sheets perfectly made and crowned with a wall of blue and beige pillows. There was a dresser with an ancient-looking television perched on top of it, a window next to it that looked out into his sizable yard.
I closed the blinds. I didn’t like looking out through dark windows anymore. Not when I imagined every tiny shadow as belonging to someone with a twisted smile and a sick obsession.
My phone buzzed in my pocket, and my entire body tensed. My phone vibrating against my leg was starting to become a trigger for me. I instantly asked myself what other twisted message waited for me on the other side of my lock screen? Was he telling me that he knew we cut up the tracker? That he still had ways to find me? That I wouldn’t be safe no matter how far or how fast I ran?
It was Steven texting the group chat, asking if I was doing okay after today.
I’m doing better. Thanks again for being such solid friends, you guys, I texted back and didn’t have to wait long at all for a response from Steven.
Good, good. Just checking. If you need anything, I’m nearby.
How kind of him. I was going to reply, but Noah beat me to it.
Same here, Trist. We’ve got your back.
A flurry of yeses came in, followed by a couple of GIFs, some of them being drag queen GIFs that Noah and Colton both had a large collection of, bombarding the group with random conversations made entirely of moving images and lace-front wigs. I texted back a string of yellow hearts and hit Send, once again finding myself grateful to be surrounded by such a solid group of people. I had grown up being close to my little brother, Malik, so I understood how important family bonds were, and I could confidently say that every person in that group chat felt like family to me.
“Everything okay?” Gabriel asked, having stepped out of the bedroom and returning with the wine he had promised.
“Yeah, just texting my friends.” I grabbed the glass with a thanks, clinking it with his and taking a sip. “Mmm, this is good. What is it?”
“Wine? I don’t know— a pinot blanc, maybe? Is that a thing?”
“It’s definitely not a thing,” I said, grinning around the glass as I took another sip.
“I’m more of a beer guy.”
“So why’d you bring out the wine?”
“Because I remembered you saying red wine was your favorite. I decided to make a sacrifice tonight.” He winced as he took a drink. I rolled my eyes and tried to ignore the rising hot heat inside my chest. Was he being serious? Did this man really remember my favorite drink?
It’s part of his job to know things about me, I reminded myself, trying not to get carried away.
“Thanks. It’s good, whatever it is.”
Suddenly, I became hyperaware of the bed only a couple of feet away from me. All I had to do was set the glass down, and Gabe could push me backward, the mattress catching me as he fell on top of me.
I cleared my throat. Gabriel’s eyes flicked over my shoulder before going down to the swirling red wine. “Listen, about earlier. I was serious when I said I only want to put a pause to us, not an end.”
I filled my lungs with air before taking a chug. Part of me believed him, and the other part was saying, “Yeah fucking right.” Once this case was over, then he’d be assigned to another one, likely somewhere other than Atlanta, and he’d jet off to his next destination where his big, muscular, Clark Kent–looking self would easily find some other boy to distract him from coming home to me.
“I’m serious,” he said, likely sensing my disbelief. “Something about you has gotten under my skin, Trist. In a good way. You make me smile and laugh in ways I haven’t for what feels like ages. I like being around you, not just protecting you. I don’t want to ruin that, but I want to make sure I do my job right.”
“Ialsowant to make sure you do your job right,” I teased, both of us damn well aware of the outcome of Gabe failing at his job.
His words were comforting, even though all I wanted to do was rip his clothes off and go back to exploring every single inch of him, letting him do the same with me, our bodies entwined in a dance I’d never forget the steps to.
I thought about it. Thought about tossing caution to the wind. Saying “fuck it” and going in for a kiss. After all the shit I’d been through, it felt deserved. Like blowing off a little steam with a handsome Adonis of a man was theleastlife owed me.
But life didn’t owe anyone. She was the bank and the gambler. She held the cards and the chips and the entire damn casino.
Those urges, those fire-hot desires that licked at my core, were stuffed down. Snuffed out. I couldn’t give in. No matter how badly I wanted Gabriel back in my mouth.
“Alright,” I said, “I think I’m going to finish this and go to bed. It’s been a long day.”
“It has,” Gabriel said. His eyes dropped to my lips. The moment froze as if encased in a sudden jet of ice, except the fire inside me kept me from freezing over. He inched closer. If he kissed me, then I’d let it go further, deeper. I’d unravel, throwing all caution out the window. We were safe here; we were together here.
