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I wasn’t always so emotional, but I figured this was probably expected after everything I’d been through.
Gabriel was lying on the bed when I walked out, the towel wrapped around my waist. I went for my suitcase and grabbed a pair of black boxers, changing in the bathroom before walking out again. Gabriel had changed, too, wearing a white tank top and gray shorts that looked like they were fighting against his big thighs for their dear life.
“How was the shower?” Gabe asked.
“It was everything I needed.” I walked over to the window, wondering if my eyes were still puffy from all the crying. The city underneath us seemed so inviting. It was the weekend, so Atlanta was alive with people going out to dance and drink at the clubs and bars. I wondered how many of them were concerned about the rabid serial killer still on the loose out there.
I pulled myself away from the window before my thoughts could spiral. Gabe patted the side of the bed. I padded my way over, lying down with plenty of space between us.
Space I found that I instantly hated.
“What a fucking day,” I said, looking up at the ceiling. “I’m just… I’m fucking tired.”
“You’ve been through hell and back today.”
“Fuckin’ literally.” A familiar and unwelcome pressure built up in my throat. I took a deep breath and tried to swallow it down, but that only made it worse. The cry came out strangled. “Sorry.”
“Trist, you don’t have to apologize. At all. Let it all out. That’s the best way to deal with this.”
“I already let most of it out in the shower,” I said, rubbing away the streak of moisture that appeared on my cheek.
“You’d be surprised how much more is left.” Gabe offered me a warm smile. His blue eyes were bright with something I couldn’t quite pinpoint. Hope? Happiness? He was close enough that I could smell the faint touch of the leathery cologne he liked to wear. Manly and strong and inviting. I crossed my legs at the ankle and looked back out the window, trying to ignore the warm spark that planted itself somewhere between my ribs.
I didn’t want to talk about me anymore. There would be time to deal with my shit. “Steven’s story was pretty wild, huh?” I asked, steering the topic away from me.
“It was. You never know what someone’s going through, huh? He’s always smiling and joking around. Never giving any sign he’s carrying all that trauma around with him.” Gabe stretched his arms over his head and let out a low yawn. I couldn’t help but glance sideways at Gabriel’s pits.
How was every single part of him so fuckin’ perfect? And why did I have the urge to lean over and stick my face directly into his underarm?
Maybe it’s still all the adrenaline inside me.
Yeah, that had to be it.
Gabe shook his head and looked to me. “I just can’t believe there’s a person out there who would hurt their own child like that. It doesn’t compute for me. I’ve seen a lot of shit, being a Marine and working in the field I do, and I’ve got to say that evil parents are some of the worst monsters out there. A kid should be able to trust their parent before anyone else.”
“That’s so true,” I said. “But then look at my dad. He tossed me and my brother to the side because we were gay… What about your parents? I don’t think we’ve ever talked about them.”
“They’re good parents, just not a good match.” I sensed a shift in Gabe’s tone. His words got lower, his voice carrying something with it. Like a bag of pebbles being dragged over the sidewalk. “Opposites on every level. They’d fight constantly. I’d hear them through the walls, talking about how I was the only thing keeping them together. It was a lot to hear as an eight-year-old. A lot of pressure, a lot of sadness and worry. It lasted until they finally split up when I was twelve.”
I leaned a little closer to him. “Damn, that is hard. I’m sorry.”
“You and your apologies.” He shot me a wink. “Thanks. I made it through, though. So did my parents. It got rocky, definitely. Toxic and dark. Lots of shouting and broken dishes, but they never hurt each other. Not physically, at least.”
“Sometimes the mental scars could be just as bad as the physical.”
“Ain’t that the truth.”
Gabriel smiled, the darkening beard hiding that one dimple on his face that usually made an appearance when he was clean-shaven. It was wild to me how I already knew the geography of his face—and not just his face. Memories rushed back to me, of having him underneath me, his tongue against my hole and his cock throbbing for my touch. If I had a piece of paper, I might be able to draw out the exact shape of him.
Well… maybe not draw. I was always a terrible artist. But I could write the shit out of that scene.
And now I knew a little more about him. Not just about his body but about his soul. He didn’t have to share himself like that with me. We were nothing but bodyguard and client.Maybefriend and friend. But nothing more than that, and that’s how we decided it should be. It was a mutual choice, and I had to respect it.
Butfuckdid I want to be between his legs right now.
Is that normal? Shouldn’t I just want to be going to sleep right now?
No. I didn’t want to sleep tonight. I wanted to live tonight. Wanted to feel what it meant to be alive. To celebrate the fact that my heart still beat and to make that heart pound a little faster.
