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“Your grandfather wouldn’t have wanted a loveless marriage for either of you.”
“I tried telling him that but…” She shrugged. It felt so good to finally get all of this off her chest. To tell someone who loved Lilah and who would be one hundred percent on her side. “I was so humiliated, Blake. So embarrassed to tell you. And before all of this with Gramps, my sole focus was to end this farce as soon as possible—without upsetting Gramps of course. I initially told Ben I’d stick it out for only a year.”
She went on to explain the rest of her decision to Blake but ended on, “But then we got the call about Gramps and we were both so upset and we slept together. And it—God help me—it was amazing.” She told Blake about what had happened afterwards, the condom, the argument, the humiliating realization that he hadn’t taken a single word from her seriously. That he’d dismissed her anger and threats to leave as some kind of tantrum not to be believed.
“I don’t know why I’m here,” she confessed. “After Gramps died, I fell to pieces. But I feel like Ben did a little too. I feel like we need each other right now. And I’m not sure what my next step should be.”
“You fucking leave him, Lilah,” Blake said, pretty much confirming what Lilah had already known in her heart of hearts. “Your mutual grief aside, this is not a sustainable situation. You’ll fall into a routine, you’ll get too comfortable, you’ll start to think that maybe this isn’t so bad.”
“It’s bad,” Lilah said, her voice hoarse with stress. “I know it’s bad. I know I should leave. And I will. I don’t want this. And with Gramps gone”—she choked up a little, it was still so hard to say that out loud—“there’s no reason to drag it out. But part of me feels like leaving so soon after his death would be a betrayal to Gramps, like we—I—should at least respect his memory enough to stick it out for just a few months longer.”
“He wouldn’t want you to be unhappy.”
“I know that. But if he were here, I’d want to make him happy. And me with Ben… that has always been his dream.”
“No, Lilah,” Blake’s voice was quiet and desperate. “You can’t stay with him because of—”
“Oh, I’m going to leave him. But not right now. I’ll stay a while. Not for a year as had been my original intention. Merely for a couple of months. Until the dust settles.” It was a decision she’d literally made while talking it through with Blake but it sat well with her.
She was suddenly certain that this was the correct course of action. And having a definite deadline settled that uneasy pit in her stomach. She felt better, steadier.
Purposeful.
“And you’re determined to do this?” Blake asked, resignation in her voice. She knew how stubborn Lilah could be. “Promise me you won’t let him talk you around to his way of thinking. Promise me you’ll never settle for less than you deserve.”
“I promise,” Lilah said with a small smile.
“I’m going to hound you so much about this. Constant emotional welfare checks.”
“I’d appreciate that, because I’m quite certain I’m going to need them.”
“Are you going to tell him about your plan?”
“I’ll give him the heads up, I suppose, but it seems pointless. He won’t believe me anyway. In the end, the only thing he’ll believe is his own eyes when I walk out that front door.”
“And I’ll be here, supporting you every step of the way,” Blake promised, her voice and eyes resolute.
Lilah smiled, relieved to finally have someone to talk to about this. Happy to no longer feel so alone.
NINETEEN
This small token of comfort
That night, when Ben crawled into bed beside her, Lilah—who was getting much too used to his presence in her bed—turned toward him and peered into his expressionless face on the pillow beside hers. He was watching her intently, mouth drawn into a tense line.
“You look tired,” she observed and he nodded.
“We’ve been losing contracts,” he surprised her by confiding. “Long-standing, massive contracts.”
“Because of Gramps?”
The deep cracked sound of agreement that rumbled from his throat grated over her nerve endings and brought her clit and nipples to hard points. God, would she ever not be turned on by that sexy voice?
“The timing is unfortunate; a lot of these contracts are coming up for renewal over the next few months and they’ve given us notice of their intention not to renew. I have to get back to the office soon.” He sounded apologetic, as if he were letting her down somehow. “Do damage control. Convince them the quality of our service hasn’t dropped. Our share price tumbled in the days after his death and the board is panicking about that as well. We’ve more or less regained our previous standing on the market but I think everyone will just feel better if I was there to show them that it’s business as usual.”
