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“Yeah.” He looks hurt, and for some screwed up reason I now feel guilty. “Have a good night, Charlotte.”
The next morning I wake up to a text from Simon:I looked for you too.
Chapter Thirty
Charlotte
Lawrence is heading down to Wisconsin to help his brother build a shed or something this weekend. That’s what he told me anyway. I’m pretty sure the disappearing act is his way of forcing some alone time on me and Simon, a not so subtle attempt at matchmaking on his part.
I should text Simon and tell him to just stay here. It’s ridiculous to have him driving back and forth from the cabin all weekend long when there’s a spare room in the house, but I don’t reach out.
I’ve looked at that text he sent a few days ago countless times. It shook me up, opened some old wounds.
Months passed after my father kicked me out. I wasn’t expecting a search party or anything, but at the same time, I didn’t anticipate a complete lack of interest in my whereabouts or welfare. Not one single person attempted to track me down. There were school records, so it’s not as if I’d disappeared off the face of the earth, but still no one came for me. Not Simon, not Daisy, not my father. It’s not like I was expecting my dad to have a change of heart, but damn, heknewwhere I was and still never called or visited.
Did Simon look for me? I shake off the hopeful feeling, knowing that even if it is true, he didn’t put too much effort into the pursuit. After all, he moved on. He’s been in a committed relationship with someone else. That’s indisputable.
I’m still awake at midnight when headlights and the familiar rumble of Simon’s truck announce his arrival. He came straight here. My breath hitches when I hear two gentle raps on the door. I told myself I needed some time, but I also know I left the light on in invitation. He looks tired when I open the door.
“Sorry I came by unannounced. I saw the light on.”
“How was the drive?” I ask, fixing my eyes on the floor.
“Not too bad.”
He’s still standing on the threshold, even though I’ve opened the door wide and taken a step back to let him in. When I look up in question, I see that his eyes are fixed on my legs, and realize I’m wearing nothing but a tee and some boy-short undies. Did I do that on purpose too? Probably.
“Come in. I’ll be right back.”
“Mind if I grab a beer?”
“Help yourself,” I call as I make my way upstairs.
He’s on the couch, eyes closed, hair sticking out in ten different directions when I come back downstairs wearing a bra underneath the tee. I went the extra mile and added a pair of proper shorts too. The bottle of beer is propped against his thigh. I go to reach for it, thinking he’s asleep, but he traps may hand and gives it a gentle squeeze.
“I’m awake.”
“It looked like you were passed out cold.”
“I’m surprised you’re still awake.”
“I guess I was waiting on you.”
“I’ll head over to the cabin now if you want to turn in. I just thought...Well, I was hoping that maybe if you were still up then we could talk.”
I nod, my throat suddenly tight and constricted. There’s so much to say that I don’t know where to start. I take a seat on the couch, leaving a comfortable space between us. Simon closes his eyes again.
“I tried to find you, Charlotte, but obviously I didn’t try hard enough. I didn’t see a future for us back then. I wasn’t coming back, and you had two more years before you could get out. Two years is a long time. I told myself it was better that way, to cut ties. Then you’d be able to move on.” He shakes his head, eyes still closed. “I suffered for it. There were nights I couldn’t sleep just thinking about you. I missed you more than I ever could have imagined. I don’t know if you’ll ever believe that, but it’s the truth.”
“Coming up here was really hard at first.”
He looks to me. “I can imagine.”
“I don’t think you can. Janelle and I grew close over time, but those first few months I was walking on eggshells around her. I had no one to talk to and I was pregnant. And I mean, it’s not like I was looking to make friends here, in a new school with my waistline expanding every day, but walking the halls of that place was depressing. It made me regret all the times I blew Daisy off, kept myself closed off from her.”
“It’s me who should have been here for you, no one else.”
“But you weren’t. And I’ll be honest, Simon, the fact that you didn’t, in your words, try very hard...God, it made me hate you at times.” I wave him off when he goes to speak. “You didn’t know what I was going through, I know that.”
