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“I tried to call you but your phone was disconnected. I called Mr. Vargas, and when he told me you’d moved, I freaked out, made him promise to follow up and check on you. He got back to me. Told me you were living with an aunt. Assured me you were doing great at your new school. But I still couldn’t put it to rest. I had Garth sniffing around. Even had Sienna try to pry some info out of your father, but he wasn’t giving anything up where you were concerned. I searched your name online more times than I can count. But yes, at a certain point I gave up.”
“You moved on.”
“Yes and no. I filed you away...I guess that’s the way I’d put it. Convinced myself you were living a good life somewhere. I always imagined you were in Florida, surrounded by palm trees, sand and the ocean. And I’d tell myself I was being stupid, pining away for a time in my life that didn’t exist anymore.”
“I never moved on.”
He cocks his head. “That’s not really fair. You didn’t move on because the course of your life was altered dramatically. If you’d never gotten pregnant, you think you never would have moved past me? Met someone else?” When I don’t answer, he presses, “Have you ever dated anyone else?”
“Guys at school have, I don’t know...”
He rolls his eyes. “Expressed interest?”
“Yeah, but I’m very up front about having a child. Works like a charm when you want a guy to back off.”
“I’ll bet.” He shoots me a bemused look. “Obviously I didn’t mean it would scare me off.”
I raise my palm. “I get it.”
“And I know Wes Keller is doing more than just expressing interest.” Now I’m rolling my eyes. “I’m not trying to start a fight. I’m just putting it out there. He’s interested in being more than just a friend. He always was.”
“What does that mean?”
“It means he was into you when you were sixteen.” He studies me. “But you knew that.” He leans over and puts the unfinished beer on the coffee table. “The way he looked at you back then made me sick, furious. He was, what, twenty-two, twenty-three? I wanted to kill him.”
“You never said anything.”
“Shit that Simon can’t do anything about...I had a very long list going at the time.”
“Maybe that’s why you were always so angry.”
“Is that how you remember me?” He looks stricken. “I don’t remember feeling angry when I was around you. Those few months we were together was the only time I felt…I don’t know, at peace.”
“You were moody.”
“I still am, I guess.”
“No, you’re different. You talk more. There were days back then when your mood could flip on a dime and I wouldn’t know why. I didn’t like that.”
“I’m sorry.”
“I know you are.”
“I could never sleep. I was always so damn worried.”
“I knew Timmy being in prison was always weighing on you, but you wouldn’t talk to me about him.”
He nods. “It was Timmy, feeling responsible for my mom, always feeling anxious about money.” He looks to me. “And I was worried about you.”
“Why?”
“I was worried about something happening to you, someone hurting you. There were nights at school that first year...I’d wake up sweating, punching some faceless stranger. My roommate probably thought I was a lunatic.”
“Wow.” I shake my head. “I haven’t thought about that guy in years.”
“Huh?”
“The diner?”
