AllFreeNovel
Share Us
“Oh.” Now he shakes his head. “I wasn’t referring to that, but I guess a few of my nightmares did center around that morning.” He looks to me, skeptical. “You never think about it?”
“Not really, no. According to Wes the case was a slam dunk, so the guy was going away for a long time. And then I left. I wasn’t at the diner, wasn’t in that town, so I had nothing to remind me.”
“Better that way, I guess.”
I consider it for a moment. “Maybe I don’t think about the event itself, but yeah, I suppose it’s changed the way I do things. I carry pepper spray in my purse, I’m careful walking around campus at night, always have my phone in hand…I’m definitely more aware of my surroundings than I would have been had it not happened.”
“That’s a good thing,” he says, and reaches over to place one of his hands over mine before continuing. “I was talking about that lock, though. I’ve never been able to get the image of that lock on your bedroom door out of my mind.”
The memory floods back. I’m in the cafeteria standing in line when Simon presses into me, wanting to know how it went and if my door was sturdy. He knew it was for my bedroom?
“I was blind with rage where your brother was concerned.” He’s lost me. “And he was just someone else I knew I couldn’t take on at the time. I think a lot of my anger had to do with feeling powerless.” Before I can cut in, he says, “Not confronting Christian is one of my biggest regrets.”
“You thought I bought that lock because of my brother?”
* * *
Simon
“I bought the lock because of Wes.”
I stand and pace, looking for some outlet to quell the fury building inside of me. “What did he do? Why didn’t you fucking tell me?”
“He didn’tdoanything.”
“Right.”
“He didn’t.” She stands and intercepts me, taking my hands. “But what you said about him before? I did know, and I wasn’t comfortable with the way he looked at me back then. And I know I can’t convince you that he didn’t mean to cause any harm, but I believe that...I one hundred percent believe that Wes would never do anything to hurt me.” When I won’t meet her eyes, she drops my hands, backs away and takes a seat on the couch. “He knew I was too young, so he fought what he felt for me at the time and stayed away.”
“He told you all this?”
“More or less.”
“And now he feels like the time is right? He wants back in?”
“He knows that isn’t happening.”
“Does he?”
“He does.” She draws her feet up underneath her, rests her head back. “I know you see him one way, but he’s like everyone else...There’s good and there’s bad. He feels remorse for Timmy. He hates himself for it. He’s completely cut ties with my brother. Wes even left the police force over it. He moved away to start over.”
“Let me guess...He got himself a nice little place in the Upper Peninsula.”
“He’s just outside Philadelphia, working for his uncle and going to school. Hey, I don’t expect you to ever forgive him, and it’s not my place to forgive him over what he’s done in the past, but I can’t bring myself to see him as a bad person.”
“And yet you installed a lock to keep him out of your room when you were sixteen.”
“How is it so easy for you to view the world in black and white the way you do? How do you stand there, so righteous? It may not make sense to you, but my feelings for him are complicated.” I literally bite my tongue to keep from lobbing a sarcastic remark back at her right now. “You may not want to hear it, but Wes was the only person who looked out for me when I was a kid. After my mother got sick, he was the only person who stood between me and Christian’s angry outbursts. Wes, not my father, stepped in and set Christian straight when he could. He made sure I had food to eat and made sure I got to school on time when the weather was bad. He took care of me.” She lowers her voice. “And I’ve been alone for a long time. I’ve never led him to believe we have a future, but maybe I am guilty of keeping some sort of a relationship going with him. I have to admit, it’s been a comfort to know that someone cares for me.”
And then I know it’s not anger I’m feeling, but jealousy over the role he’s played in her life. He protected her when I couldn’t. Stepped in when she needed a friend. Affirmed the idea that a man could want her, child and all.
I sink into the seat next to her but can’t manage to say anything at first. Minutes pass before I say, “I think I understand.”
“Thank you.”
I take her hand in mine. We sit there together in silence, both of us wrung out and spent.
Going through life leaving things unsaid is easy. Talking is hard. The kind of communicating we’re doing this weekend is the kind that drains you. It’s physically painful, but it takes a load off your back at the same time. To have someone you can be so open with is kind of amazing. I guess that’s what people mean when they refer to someone as their person. Charlotte is my person. I believed it before but I know it now.
