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“She, she…”
“Shewhat?”
“Skylar works for me. That’s all. I don’t think of her that way. And what’s the matter with you, Maureen?”
“Nothing the matter withme,” she says before picking a wayward cookie crumb off her shirt and popping it into her mouth. “Just pointing out what you’re too blind to see.”
“You’re way off base.” I check my watch then, hoping she’ll get the hint that I want her gone.
She chuckles. “Don’t get you undies in a twist. All right, I’m outta here. See you soon, kiddo.”
Olivia barely turns her head away from the television when she mutters back, “Bye.”
“Come on, Libs. Time for your bath.”
She trudges up the stairs in silence and continues to sulk even though I dump nearly a full container of Mr. Bubble into the bath water.
“Is tomorrow school?”
“Yep. Wednesday is a school day.”
“I don’t wanna go to school.”
“Why not? You love school.”
“I hate it!” She slaps both hands into the water, sending little bubbles flying everywhere. “I hate school! I hate it!”
And then the tears come, angry and fast.
“Shh, shh. Hey, tell me what’s going on. You always tell me you have so much fun in school.”
Her face is red and splotchy when she cries out, “I don’t have a mom!”
And I fall back onto my ass from where I’m crouched down because I don’t think I’ve ever seen her this upset. Her cries turn into hiccups as I drain the water and rinse her off, all the while telling her it’s all right, trying and failing to make her feel better.
She’s quiet as I get her into her pajamas and so am I.
Mother’s Day is a week from this Sunday. It’s never come up before. On Mother’s Day we usually video chat with my mom and call it a day.
We don’t do any kind of memorial for Carrie, and now I’m thinking maybe that’s been a mistake. I’ve never even gone to her see her gravesite since they put in the headstone. She’s buried in Cincinnati, and there’s nothing in that city for me except a mother-in-law I hope to never lay eyes on again.
Tucking her in and pushing her damp hair back behind her ears I ask, “Are the kids making cards and stuff for Mother’s Day?”
“Sarah says I don’t have a mudder.”
“Sarah’s a jerk…I mean, that wasn’t very nice of her to say. You do have a mother, she just happens to be in heaven. That boy in your class, Evan? His dad is in heaven too. I wonder if he gets sad around Father’s Day.”
She nods her head and sniffles. “And Nolan only has a grandma and a grandpa.” Olivia fists the blankets in her little hands. “I made a card and I planted the flower seeds in the pot, but Sarah said I can’t give it to Sky cause she’s not my mom.”
“You can give it to Sky if you want to. She’s not your mom but—”
“She’s my special person. That’s what Sky says.”
My lopsided smile matches my daughter’s. “She is.”
My special person.
And I’m right back to square one.
