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“I’m surprised they gave you time off just to babysit my sorry ass.”
“Shut up.”
He slows our pace to a jog and I let him. “You know exactly what I’m talking about. Let’s not start lying to each other now, all right?”
“You’d do the same for me.”
“But you’d never need that from me. That’s the difference between us.”
“We had a bad stretch. Everyone in the unit was struggling towards the end.”
“I still can’t stop thinking about him.”
I’d ask if he means Cooper, but I know damn well that’s who he’s been fixated on. “You did everything you could…We all did.”
“He took the easy way out. That’s what I keep telling myself, Damien. It’s the only thing that keeps me from…”
“You went to your appointment yesterday, didn’t you?”
“Yes, Dad.”
“Don’t joke about that, asshole.”
He nods and then slows to a stop. “The therapist tells me to picture my mother, my father and Gianna whenever it gets really bad. Not like to lay a guilt trip on me or anything, but just to remind me that it’s the people you leave behind who suffer. It’s easy to leave. Maybe not easy, but there’s an end.”
I put a hand on his shoulder. “Coop’s parents…I can’t imagine that kind of pain. Promise me, brother.”
He doesn’t promise but at least he nods, and I have to be satisfied with that.
I’d like to tell him what his life looks like to an outsider like me, but that’s not what he needs. Eli knows he has a great family, knows he has friends who care about him, knows he has a good future if he wants it. But that’s the one thing no one can fix for him.Hehas to want it.
It’s not like I came out of that tour unscathed—not one of us did—but some of us fared better than others.
“I feel like a broken record, Eli, but I need to keep saying it. Adequate sleep, good diet, exercise, sticking to a daily routine, laying off the booze, listening to your doctor—”
“You’re not wrong. It’s just that having to be so mindful, as my doctor would say…I don’t know. It makes me feel like, yeah, Iama mental case. Like I’m not capable of living a normal life. I mean, why the fuck am I so sad? I didn’t come home in a box or a fucking wheelchair.”
“You’re sad because that was a sad place. You’re home but that doesn’t mean you leave all that shit behind when you board the plane.”
As we climb the steps up to his apartment, he stops and turns to look at me. “Why are you going back there?”
“If you asked me last month I would have told you why, but I’m not so sure anymore.”
And I’m grateful he doesn’t say anything. No opinions, no advice. I want to avoid all talk on the topic.
“Finally! I was starting to think I cooked all this food for nothing.”
Gianna is standing in our kitchen wearing an apron like she’s the picture of domestic bliss, spooning scrambled eggs onto three plates. There are fresh blueberries on the side and some slices of avocado. She can be a pain in my ass, but she makes an effort where her brother is concerned. I’m grateful for that.
“This smells great.” I look to her and grant her a smile for the first time this week.
“Thanks, G. I’ll be right back,” Eli says as he heads to the bathroom.
“Just like you said…Healthy fats, high protein and happy foods.”
“The blueberries, yeah. I read somewhere that they combat depression.
“How is he? He looks a little bit down.”
