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“He asks about you, Grace.”
I circle my choices in the brochure, ignoring Skylar, and then confirm the number and size of the drawer pulls and cabinet handles that we need.
When I turn back to face her, she’s waiting on me with her arms crossed in front of her chest.
“How is Owen doing?”
“Good, I guess. I mean, he looks great. He just did a triathlon up in Nantucket with Leo and Max.”
“Wow.”
“He trains a lot. Leo said he’s looking to do more competitive-length races this fall.”
“That’s great.”
She throws her head back and fists her hands at her sides. “Aren’t you going to ask me if he’s seeing anyone else?”
Just the mention of Owen seeing another woman has me conjuring up crazy images. First it’s him and Ava sloshing around in his big giant bathtub the way we did, then it’s some hot triathlete girl and Owen crossing the finish line together hand in hand.
Skylar snaps her fingers in front of my face until I answer, “Nope, I don’t want to know.”
Then she crosses her arms over her chest and looks at me in a way that’s borderline nasty. “I don’t understand what you’re doing. You’re pushing a kind, good-hearted man away.”
“A hot man, too. Don’t leave that out,” Sienna adds with a head nod.
“You two don’t understand.”
“Then enlighten us.”
I look between the both of them, wondering how, or if they’ll judge me. For the most part, I’ve made peace with my past, but there’s still that nagging, reproachful voice telling me that I did the wrong thing, that I was weak and cowardly to do what I did. But after a deep breath and a quick silent pep talk, I sit down on the stoop and they join me.
“Remember when we were talking about Charlotte Mason at your house a few months ago?”
“Yes,” they say in unison, nodding their heads in tandem.
“That was hard for me. See, I knew Charlotte was pregnant back then...I mean, I suspected it. And I was trying to help when I told her about getting pregnant back whenIwas in college. It just struck me that I’d told a kid, one of my students, but I’d never shared that secret with anyone else before. Not my parents, not Jack, not anyone.”
They both close in on me for a group hug, still holding me tight when I tell them the basics about Damien and about giving our daughter up for adoption. They both start to cry when I tell them he died before she was born.
And their reaction has been like all the rest. No one has made me feel ashamed, no one has chastised me. Every single time I’ve come clean, people only want to comfort me. Time and time again, I’ve come to realize that secrets and lies are nothing but a prison that we build around ourselves.
“Do you understand now, Sky? I know Owen is a great guy, but I need this time to myself. I need to get my own house in order.”
I don’t tell them that Owen reminds me of Damien. I don’t tell them that I could feel myself falling for Owen after just one week, fast and hard the same way I fell for Damien.
I do go down to the river after they leave, though. Just like always, I stand on the bank looking down into the slow and steady stream of water and listen for that whisper in the breeze. And just like always, I tell Damien everything.
Chapter Thirty-Three
Owen
Looking on from the outside, my life looks productive. My days are filled. I work out in the mornings, plan my fall curriculum in the afternoons, and I make plans to fill up at least three or four nights out of my week.
I enjoy training and I do enjoy my job, but I’m conscious of the effort I’m making to keep busy. Grace hasn’t reached out to me in weeks, and she’s made it clear that she wants time and space. From me.
I didn’t imagine it. I know she was developing feelings for me. And while I know that she’s going through a lot right now, I still don’t understand why she wants to go through it all alone.
I pick my phone up again, looking for missed calls or a message from her. I’m over at Sky and Leo’s for some end of summer barbecue, and I’m surrounded by happy couples and single women I have no interest in meeting. Honestly, I only came on the off chance that she’d be here.
