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She eased back, swiped at the moisture leaking from her eyes.
“Hey, I didn’t mean for this to make you cry.”
“It’s not that,” she murmured.
“No?” He wiped at a tear, his face softening. “You mean us being apart? It’s okay. We can do this long distance.”
She summoned a smile. No, they couldn’t. Not if she was choosing his best. “You sound like you’re looking forward to being a father one day.” Her casual tone was a relief. Surely he’d never guess the depth of emotion beneath that simple statement. Her heart sank as his face lit up.
“Sure. I’d love to be a dad.” His dark eyes flickered with emotion. “I can’t wait until I have kids. I see the older guys in the team when they bring their kids in, and I’m really looking forward to being able to do that too.”
Sarah’s smile stiffened, and she turned away to pull the clip out of her hair, allowing it to fall forward to hide her face. This was it. What she needed to share was going to hurt. She couldn’t be part of his life anymore if having kids was his dream. And after all he had done for her, it was time to truly be unselfish and think of Daniel and his desires before her own.But, God, my heart is breaking in two all over again.
* * *
Was she really okay?He’d kind of expected her to lose her cool, to not understand, but she seemed strangely calm. That had to be good, right? Anticipation throbbed. Maybe this was his second chance. Maybe this was God’s way of finally redeeming the dark hole of his past.Please, Lord…
But dreams of little children calling himDaddypaused at Sarah’s continued silence.
“So, Sarah, how about you? Do you want to be a mom one day?”
She didn’t answer for the longest time. Maybe she hadn’t heard him. “Sar?” He reached for her hand, which lay limply in his grasp. She still wasn’t looking at him. “Sar, what is it?”
There was a tiny pinched noise she was making now, like she was trying to breathe over pain. He recognized that stiff set to her shoulders too; it held the same fragility she’d shown the first time he’d met her.
“That’s the thing, Dan.” Her voice was faint. “I don’t even know if it’s possible for me to have kids.” She removed her hand from his. “The accident messed me up a fair bit inside, and the doctors don’t know if I’ll ever be able to fall pregnant, let alone have children.”
No.Lord, no.He stared straight ahead at nothing, fisting his hands as if it would help him rein in emotion. He took a deep breath, then exhaled really slowly. No. God couldn’t be so cruel as to let him finally fall in love with someone only to never let him be a dad. His dearest dream couldn’t be gone.
He knew now how precious each little life was, what a blessing children could be, that they were a gift from God. He wanted to be able to impart the God stuff he’d learned over these past years, to raise kids who were free, who lived loved and didn’t always need to try and earn their father’s approval, like he’d always felt he’d had to. To never have that chance…
Fresh regret warred with a surge of intense envy of his brother.God, this isn’t fair.
He glanced across at Sarah. What would this mean for her? He hoped he’d been able to hide his distress in time.
* * *
She’d shocked him.His knuckles had gone white and his jaw had tensed, his slight Adam’s apple dipping as he swallowed. “Sarah, I—”
Sarah held up a hand. An imp in the back of her mind sang like a game show host:but wait, there’s more!She blinked it away, her voice satisfactorily cool as she answered. “I’ve had almost two years to adjust to this, so I understand this is a lot to take in.” She took a deep breath.Be brave. “I think it best we break things off, because I don’t think our relationship should continue when it means you might miss out on your dreams. I mean, I know you haven’t promised anything, but I just don’t want to hurt you any more.”
Lord, being unselfish issohard.She couldn’t look at him. One brief glance had been enough to show his pale face, his stricken eyes.
“What? No, I don’t get it. I don’t understand.”
“I’m just not the right woman for you.” Her eyes filled.God, help me keep it together.
“How can you say that? Sar, I love you.”
“You say that now, but what happens if this—if our relationship does continue and one day you resent me? I couldn’t bear that. I love you and don’t want you to miss out on your dreams. So you need someone else—”
“No. We can work this out. Just talk to—”
“Dan, we can’t,” she whispered. She reached to unclasp the necklace.
“Sar, what are you doing?”
She held out the necklace, but he refused to take it, so she let it fall on his lap. “I can’t take this.”
