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Sarah stood up and stretched to release the kinks from her body. She moved over to her bedroom’s window, gazing out at the summer haze that had settled across terracotta and gray rooftops as the cicadas burst into evening song. She drew in a deep breath and caught the tang of the eucalyptus leaves from the old gum in the backyard. Her lips lifted. Who’d have ever thought she’d be glad to smell that particular scent after a gum tree’s role in the accident? But then, God had a way of turning things around, didn’t He? Just like He had after last Sunday’s service.
She leaned her head against the wooden window frame as memories stole to awareness again. After the congregation had disappeared to the function room for a welcome home lunch for her parents, she’d spent some time down the front just talking to God. Who was she to think she knew better than God, that she could actually know what was in her future? Surely if she claimed to trust God, she needed to trust Him with every aspect of her life.
Tears had filled her eyes, silently spilling down her face. Maybe she’d missed the actual beginning of the new year, but any day could be a fresh start as far as God was concerned. She’d sat down the front and finally, tearily, let God have His way.
Okay, fine, God. I don’t know what You want from my life, but it’s Yours. Whatever You want. But it’d be great to know what You do want.
There’d been no great booming voice from heaven, only a gentle whisper in her soul.Trust Me.
Please help me trust. I don’t want to live in my emotions or out of my fears. And help Dan. I think I’ve broken his heart.
The special lunch had been going on for some time when she’d finally made her red-eyed appearance only to be met at the door by Heather and Hugh. Up close, she could see how much they’d aged in these past two years.
“Hello, Sarah. How are you?”
She’d forced a smile. Since Stephen’s death, there’d been this new awkwardness with his parents. It had been so hard to speak to them, wondering what was safe to talk about. Now it felt even harder.
“Your mum and dad have kept us in touch with how you’ve been going overseas. You’re looking better.”
What had they told them? What could she say? She was better. Time away had given her perspective, but falling in love with Dan had given her hope. She couldn’t say that, wasn’t even sure if it was true anymore, so she’d kept it simple. “I feel a bit better.”
“You know we only want the best for you.” Heather had gently grasped her hand. “We’ve been praying for you, Sarah. This new year, don’t keep living in the past. Stephen wouldn’t have wanted you to do that. Go, do what you need to do to have the life you feel God wants you to lead.”
Her patient face held wise eyes that said she knew more than she could say. Heather’s gentle hug had made Sarah’s eyes sheen with tears while her heart writhed at their empathy. It wasn’t like she’d needed their permission, but their blessing brought further release. Mercy-laden release. For whatever the future might hold…
Knock knock.
Sarah turned to see her mother standing at the door.
“Sar, what are you doing?”
“Oh, just thinking.” She rubbed her bare arms.
Her mother moved to stand next to her. “Are you worried about the job?”
Sarah shrugged. “Not worried about the job, exactly.”
Her mother’s eyes studied her seriously. “Are you thinking about what this means for your future with Dan?”
Sarah’s eyes filled as she nodded.
“Oh, Sar.” Her mother drew Sarah into a gentle hug. “Remember what I told you just before you left for Canada?”
Sarah nodded against her mother’s hair. “Be brave.”
“Sweetheart, you can trust God with your future. With all parts of your future. Which means your job, your relationships, including Dan.”
She shook her head. “I really hurt him.”
“He knew you had to leave.”
“No. I broke up with him, Mum.”
“What?”
With a broken voice, Sarah finally explained about that last painful night in Canada.
“Oh, Sar.” Her mother clutched her closer. “Why didn’t you say anything to us?”
