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Babies. She wrapped her arms around her knees. A sudden streak of pain raced through her as her eyes filled.Oh God.
* * *
The patient tickof the old wooden clock on the mantelpiece was the only sound breaking the deep stillness of his cottage. Dan leaned against the doorframe, studying Sarah as she sat in front of the window, her legs pulled up on the lounge, her face a parade of emotions, her initial delight melding into pensiveness.
She looked so at home there, her bright hair gleaming in a stray sunbeam contrasting with the dark leather. She shifted slightly, and he caught the tiny smile wedged in the corner of her mouth. She was so expressive, yet sometimes still so hard to read.
His heart warmed as he recalled her rambling comments earlier. It was nice that she liked this place like he did. He’d never invited a woman to come here alone with him before. Those few times when Sarah had come before didn’t really count—they hadn’t been involved then. But now, she just seemed to fit, like she was meant to be here, part of his life, part of his future.
Future? His chest tightened. He really, really liked her, loved spending time with her, loved so many things about her, but actuallyloveher? Really? He hadn’t felt this way. Ever. But as Pastor Josiah and the guys in the online Bible study always emphasized, love wasn’t just about feelings. Love involved choices. It meant choosing patience and kindness, believing the best, enduring. Wasn’t love supposed to be self-sacrificing? He’d seen that firsthand with Jai leaving Chicago to follow his now-wife to San Jose. Mike, Brent, and Beau had demonstrated real love too. So this was serious. He couldn’t lead Sarah on. And if he did love her—and, miracle of miracles, she actually loved him back—what could follow but the bigmword?
He swallowed, trying to ease the sudden dryness of his throat. Why was this so confronting when it was everything he’d been hoping for and praying about for years? Maybe it was the questions that still hovered over her future. Maybe it was the questions from his past. He stared out the window for a long moment before stepping closer.
“Hey, Sar.” She jumped, suggesting she’d been as deep in thought as he. “Are you ready to go out on the boat?”
“Um, sure.” Contemplation lifted and a teasing glint replaced the brooding of before. “You gonna try and catch some fish?”
“What’s this ‘try’ business? I can catch plenty of fish. Sometimes.”
She stared at him for a moment, amused, before a strange look crossed her face and she turned away. “Yeah, there’s plenty of fish in the sea…or the lake, as the case might be.”
“Uh huh.” He frowned. What was going on?
Whatever it was, she seemed to shake it off as they made their way down to the boathouse. Dan handed Sarah in, completing the necessities until he could finally power up the motor and start moving through the water. Sarah zipped up her jacket over her blue woollen sweater, rewrapping her cream scarf against the cool lake air as his house grew smaller. The sun glinted on the water, and the dizzying array of tree color was breathtaking. As they passed a particularly scenic stretch, Dan killed the motor, and they drifted in silence. Dan moved to the back of the boat and sat next to Sarah. This was one of the prettiest sections of the lake, unmarred by any sign of human habitation, and she was obviously moved, blinking as if trying not to cry.
“Are you okay?” he asked, threading his fingers with hers.
She nodded. “There’s just something about perfect beauty that overwhelms me sometimes. It happens with music too. I hear a series of chords and it’s like my soul is moved on some really deep level. I think it’s God, just letting me know He’s the creator of beauty.”
Dan studied her face. “He certainly is.”
Pink washed across her cheeks as she squeezed his hand. “Muskoka in autumn is so lovely.”
Sure was. He wrapped an arm around her. But what had gotten her emotional before? “So you’re not worried about anything?”
“No. Why?”
“You just seemed a little concerned about something back at the house.”
“Oh, that.” She bit her lip.
She didn’t want to tell him. That could be a good sign. Or not. No point wondering. “Sar, I don’t want you feeling sad when you come to my house.”
“I wasn’t sad about your place. Not at all. I love it here! That’s the problem.”
“How is that a problem?”
“It’s just too perfect! You’re just too good.” She glanced away.
His gut tensed. Too good? If only she knew.
“You’re so good to me, and I wish I could stay forever here with you, but I can’t, and I don’t know where this is going, and it got me thinking about Stephen and how things happened with him—”
As Sarah took a breath, Dan could feel a mental eye roll coming on at the mention of Stephen’s name again.Let the dead man rest in peace already.
“Dan, I really like you, but I don’t know if you would ever really want to be with someone like me, and—oh, I’ve just said way too much now, and I feel really embarrassed, so I’ll just shut up and pretend you didn’t hear all that.”
Dan shoved a hand through his hair. Sarah liked him, liked his place, wanted to be with him—that was all good. But she still wasn’t sure if he liked her? And what did she mean about Stephen and things with him?
