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What was the problem? Reality was the problem. She was gold. He was brass. She was fancy business school. He was community college. She was sunshine and optimism. He was pretty much the exact opposite.
But there was the undeniable. The feel of her under his hands, the way she whispered his name desperately over and over last night as he moved inside her. The way they pulled together like two magnets whenever they were in the same vicinity. The bond he could see building between her and Ruby.
If she wasn’t for him, then why did they fit together like they’d been made for each other?
Christ, he was a mess. His feelings were all over the place. The panic building deep in his chest was a physical ache, a tightening around his heart muscles, a pressure on his lungs. There was so much at stake, and one wrong move could hurt Hope, devastate his daughter, and damage the fragile stability he’d built over the last six years in an instant. Was it worth it? He’d had it all fall apart on him before, and it had been the worst thing that had ever happened.
Memories crawled out of the back of his mind like insects seeking heat as he started packing up his mess with tight, furious movements. “There’s a lot to consider. It’s not just me. Ruby is already attached to her. I need to be careful.”
It was a very simplified version of all the thoughts rushing his head. What had felt crystal clear last night was rapidly deteriorating as the reality of waking up alone set in. Maybe going slow wasn’t enough. Maybe he should quit while he was ahead.
Across from him, his friend watched consideringly as he took his sweet time chewing. Finally, he swallowed. “I get it, dude. It looks perfect on the outside, but you’ve been through a lot in the last few years. Switching it up isn’t going to be easy.” Sean wiped a napkin across his mouth before he balled up his garbage and tossed another clean shot into the waste bin. “Look, man, there’s risk in everything. Risk in seeing where it goes with Hope, risk in continuing to live how you’ve been living—which, by the way hasn’t been bad, it just kind of looked lonely. For you and Ruby. So I guess you have to decide which risk you’re most willing to take.”
Yeah, and wasn’t that the easiest thing on his to-do list?
In the end it worked out that he didn’t see much of Hope for a few days straight. He worked his usual shifts Monday through Friday, and only saw her when she arrived at his place at three, when he came up at bedtime to tuck Ruby in, and in the wee hours when he arrived home from the bar. He tried to keep their debriefs short and off the couch. Like in the entryway with the light on. He made a point of eating at the bar so she didn’t have to save him a plate and sit with him while he ate.
It was self-sabotaging and he knew it, but there were no repeat performances of their night together.
It wasn’t that he was explicitly trying to avoid her, he just needed some time to figure out the best way to proceed, especially if Hope was having second thoughts about them as well. Which she’d seemed to imply when she snuck out of his bed under the cover of darkness.
Waking up alone wasn’t a habit he wanted to get back into without any warning. So distance seemed like the only way to protect what was left of his heart.
In the meantime, Hope continued to save his ass, taking care of household duties that he inevitably fell behind on, helping Ruby with all her schoolwork, plus all the extras. One night he came home to a cake shaped and decorated like a unicorn that looked magazine-worthy.
“Hope and I made it for the cakewalk at school to raise money for the library,” Ruby had informed him proudly.
He smiled and nodded, like the fundraiser was right on the top of his list of things he’d actually remembered. Someone was looking at the school calendar on the fridge, but it sure as hell wasn’t him.
On Thursday he noticed a new planter by the windowsill.
“We’re experimenting growing herbs,” Hope had explained, when she found him standing in front of it with a scowl so deep it made his face hurt. “It’s just basil and thyme, you know, for seasoning when Ruby and I cook dinner.” She looked so nervous that he figured his expression must have matched the emotions colliding in his chest. “I hope you don’t mind.”
He did fucking mind. He minded that every day it was getting harder to say goodnight to her, to watch her walk out his door.
Regardless, the way she’d been standing there, in the moonlight of his living room at 2 a.m., looking rumpled and exhausted after a full week of looking after his daughter and his home, made him feel like a jackass for being surly about a few herbs.
On Friday, the planter was gone. Moved to Hope’s apartment because there was better light, or so Ruby had told him.
But Gabe knew she’d moved it because he’d been a jerk about it the night before.
He should have apologized. He should have asked her to bring the damn thing back, but in the end, he felt that it was probably better if she thought he was annoyed with her—and she thought he was a jerk and a jackass as well. It might help maintain the distance that he’d managed to put between them, all while making the ache in his heart dig deeper.
What the fuck was he doing?
CHAPTERNINETEEN
Eleven days. It had been eleven days since Hope had experienced the most erotic night of her life. Eleven days since she’d hightailed it out of Gabe’s apartment like a thief in the night. Eleven days since things had felt good between them.
Hope had wracked her brain about all the different reasons Gabe might be acting so distant. Had she disappointed him in bed? She could still feel how his body tensed against hers when he came. Could still hear the rough groan of her name tear off his lips as he finally let himself go.
No. She wasn’t trying to pretend she was some vixen between the sheets, but she was sure enough of herself to know Gabe had more than enjoyed their time together.
Maybe he was mad that she’d slipped away in the early morning? But she couldn’t bring herself to believe that either. They weren’t a couple. They weren’t even frequent lovers. It had been their first time, and Hope was sure Gabe would agree that her being there when Ruby woke up would only confuse the little girl more than anything else.
Had she done something he didn’t like? The only thing she could think of was the herb planter, but she’d removed the stupid thing the second she saw he wasn’t amused about it.
She had no idea why he’d suddenly grown cold toward her when, only a short time ago, they’d nearly set his sheets on fire. Not to mention thathewas the one who’d been adamant that whatever happened between them was more than just sex in the first place. And now he was avoiding her like all he’d wanted was a one-night stand.
