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I scramble out of his arms, wanting to get away from him. From the pain running through my body at the mere idea of him no longer being a part of my life.
“I can’t do this. I can’t. Hurts. It hurts too much.” I gasp for air, trying to make sense of everything going on around me.
Finn reaches for me, but I flinch away from him. My head shakes back and forth as I drop my chin to my chest, not wanting to see the look of hurt in his eyes that I know is there. What more do I want from him? How else can he prove to me he loves me, that I’m enough for him?
“Marissa?” His voice is a rasp, disbelief filling it. Along with something else… Fuck. Hurting Finn is the last thing I wanted to happen, but I’m going to go with it. Pushing him away is what is best for me, for him. Then why does it feel as if my soul is fracturing? Something deep inside me is crying out in agony at the thought of losing him forever.
“Oh, God, what am I doing?” I press the palms of my hands to my eyes, welcoming the pain, needing it to tether me to the here and now.
“Sugar, talk to me. Tell me what’s going on.”
I shake my head back and forth as another sob bubbles up from my throat. Each breath feels like pure agony as shivers rack my entire body. “Make it stop. Please, make it stop.”
“I’m here, sugar. Shh… let it all out,” Finn whispers as he gathers me in his arms, lifting me in the air. We’re moving. I don’t know where we are going, but the pain is dissipating. Seeping away as if Finn is pulling it from my body.
My mind is screaming at me to push him away. Tell him I’m fine and to take me home. That I can never see him again, but my heart continues to scream in agony as I grip his shirt in my hand, burying my face in his neck as I breathe him in. His arms tighten around me as I hear the clicking sound of something opening.
His arms tighten around me as he pulls me into his lap. “Breathe with me, sugar.”
I follow his instructions and try to draw breaths into my tight lungs. Slowly, it becomes easier to breathe. The tightness in my chest dissipates, but my heart still cries out in agony at what could happen next. He knows. He now knows how broken and damaged I am. This is why I don’t do relationships. Why I’m unable to give him that last piece of me he so desperately wants.Don’t leave me. Please, don’t leave me.
“I’m not going anywhere.” His chest rumbles as I freeze, completely unaware that I was saying anything aloud. But it doesn’t matter. Because no matter how much I need him right now, I don’t know if can have him.
“Promise,” I whisper, and my eyes drift shut as the weight of the last few hours come crashing down on me.
I feel Finn’s lips brush against my forehead before he whispers in my ear. “I promise, sugar.”
As I drift off, I hope that when I wake up in the morning, everything will be as it should be and that I didn’t set myself up for heartbreak once again.
The sound of birds chirping in the morning sun awakens me, and I bolt straight up in the bed, the remnants of my nightmare still circling in my mind. The soft light from the sunrise fills the sky as I look around, noticing that I’m lying in the bed of Finn’s truck. It’s then that I realize it wasn’t a nightmare. That Finn gave me the perfect night, baring his soul to me, and I lost it.
I turn my head to the right, noticing Finn lying peacefully beside me. The blanket he brought for our picnic is draped over both of our legs, and the sunlight shines down on his tan skin, giving it a warm glow. Unable to resist, I run the tips of my fingers down the planes of his chest, taking my time to trace each of his ab muscles as they flex beneath my fingers.
Finn groans softly, and I pull my hand back.
Way to molest the man in his sleep,I chastise myself before lying down and snuggling into his side, my back to his front, pulling the blanket over both of us, wanting to enjoy the last few moments of happiness. Finn throws his muscular arm over my waist, pulling me tighter into his chest. My core tightens as his cock hardens between my ass cheeks.
“What time is it?” I mumble, slowly beginning to drift off a second time.
“The sun is up, so probably around six.” He nuzzles into my neck before planting a kiss just below my ear.
I bolt up straight a second time, but not from a nightmare. “Fuck!” I grab the blanket and pull it off him before sliding toward the edge of the truck bed. “I have to go.”
“What’s the hurry, sugar?” he grumbles, reaching for me a second time, but I smack his hand.
“I’m going to be late for work!” Finn’s eyes widen in horror as he moves. We both hop out of the bed of the truck and scramble toward the front. Thankfully, Finn cleaned up our picnic while I was passed out last night, and we could leave right away. We drive back to town in silence, both of us lost in thought. I’d love to believe that he won’t remember what happened last night, but that’d be wishful thinking. I know at some point we’ll have to talk about what happened, and I’ll have to explain to him why I reacted that way, but not now. Now I need to get my SUV and head home to shower. Colt is going to be so pissed I’m late. Maybe I can go to my parents’ house. My mom always has muffins, and those will be the perfect thing to placate Colt with.
“Of course, I’m late on the day the new recruit I’m training is coming in.”
“I doubt Colt will mind. You’ve been working your ass off to get ready.” I jump slightly at the sound of his voice, having been lost in thought the entire ride back to Tallywackers.
Finn pulls into a spot near my SUV and climbs out, rushing over to my side to open the door. “Thanks for the ride,” I mumble, keeping my head down as I try to slide past him, but it’s no use.
Finn grips my chin, forcing me to look at him. “Don’t think I forgot what happened last night, Marissa. I meant everything I said to you. I’m not going anywhere.”
“You say that now…” My voice cracks slightly, my sense of self-preservation telling me I need to end this. That I need to hurt him before he hurts me, though I know deep down it’s already too late. “We want different things.”
“That’s bullshit and you know it, Marissa. I think you’re scared. Scared of the feelings we have for each other, but instead of letting me help you work through them, you’re shutting me out.”
