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The woman was fire. I was the gasoline.
Lying with her was a balm to my broken heart. When I had fallen in love with her back then, it had felt real. Over the eight years after she ghosted me, I had done everything I could to convince myself it wasn’t real. I tried to tell myself it was a drunken mistake and nothing more. But then I saw her again. It was all still there and very real.
Which was why I had to go.
When I had invited her to dinner, it was only to go through with my plan. I couldn’t fall under her spell again. I fought to stay awake while waiting for her to fall sound asleep. The wine should have helped do the trick. While I lay listening to the sound of her breathing, my mind was spinning.
Did I, or didn’t I? Did I get up and leave her or stay with her and see what could blossom between us?
I felt the pull both ways. But I knew what I had to do. I knew spending the night with her would lead to disaster. I lay perfectly still for an hour, holding her and pretending all was good.
Once I was certain she was asleep, I gently pulled away from her. If she happened to wake up, I would tell her I was going to the bathroom. I was hoping the wine would help her stay asleep until morning. I wanted her to have that same feeling of surprise, followed by devastation. I collected my clothes, dressing in the bare minimum before tiptoeing out of the room. I closed the door ever so quietly.
I walked down the hallway feeling successful and sad at the same time. I had finally exacted my revenge. Eight long years, and I finally got to do to her what she had done to me. I didn’t know if it would hurt her as much as it had hurt me, but I hoped it would.
I walked back across the street in the dead of night to get my car. On the way home, the urge to go back to the room and crawl back into bed with her was strong. Ridiculously strong.
I kept driving, denying myself the chance to turn around. The first thing I did when I got home was shower. I had to wash away the scent of her. Deep down, I was feeling guilty. I wanted to wash away my sins.
The next morning, I woke up feeling a little better about things. It wasn’t like I had done anything wrong. It was nothing more than what she had done to me.
I got dressed and ready to go to the college. I expected she would be furious with me. She would shoot me dirty looks and maybe even call me a few names. If my mission had been successful, she might even feel sad. Hurt. Jilted. All the things I felt in those first few minutes after I realized she’d dumped my ass.
I walked into the hall, nervous and anxious at the same time. That vengeful side of me really wanted to see the look on her face when she saw me. I saw my team getting things ready, but no sign of Macy. I couldn’t go to her office. That would be just a little too obvious. The goal was to be aloof.
“Have you seen Ms. Stiles?” I asked one of my staff.
“She isn’t coming in today,” she answered.
“Oh. Is she sick?”
“I don’t know,” she said, shrugging. “They just said we were on our own.”
“Oh,” I replied. “Are we ready?”
“We are.”
I started the lecture but struggled to stay focused. Had I really hurt her that badly?
That wasn’t the intention. I wanted her to feel jilted, not fucked over. Then my mind started to spin. How much wine had she drunk? Maybe it was too much, and she was actually sick. That worried me. What if something happened after I left?
My concern was real, but it didn’t negate my desire to make her suffer just a little. By the end of the day, I had convinced myself the reason for her calling in sick was due to humiliation. She didn’t want to look me in the eyes. All in all, it was probably for the best. I had gotten the last jab. Now, we could go back to our own lives and never see each other again.
After the day was done and she never showed up, I was feeling like a real dick. I invited my friend Dane out for a drink. I was hoping he would tell me I did the right thing and she deserved it.
Dane was flirting with a young server when I arrived. That was pretty normal. He was always chasing women.
“Can I get a scotch neat, please?” I asked.
Dane looked at me with a glint in his eye. “That’s coming home with me tonight.”
I rolled my eyes. “I would make sure you check her ID.”
“She works here,” he said, shrugging. “She’s old enough.”
“So, I did a thing,” I said with a sigh.
“Wassheold enough?” he joked.
