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"She was flawed, yes. But she was wonderful in so many other ways."
Flawed. So, so flawed.
"I miss her."
The sadness that hasn’t left his eyes since Mom died spreads over his whole face. "Me too. But I'm lucky. When I miss her, I look at you."
I don’t know what to make of that. It’s a compliment I don’t deserve, but I don’t want him to take it back. "I want to make her proud."
He frowns and then holds his hand out for my hand. Instead of telling me that she is proud, he surprises me by saying, "That's no way to live. You be proud of you, first. Are you?"
"I... don’t know, Dad. Sometimes I feel like I can’t do anything right. Especially the things that I do to make me happy. They might not make everyone else happy.”
"But your happiness is the first place to start, my dear. You can’t know what everyone else is feeling, but you can know what is going on in your heart."
I lean back, his words hitting hard.
"Have you been seeing anyone recently?”
"What do you mean?" I know exactly what he means. And he knows I know.
"It's been a year now. Since you came back. You’ve had time to heal.”
I want to tell him about Kylian, I want to tell him so much. But tell him what exactly?
That we fuck like rabbits and after only ten days we're practically living together?
That he approves of my work in theory, but I'm not sure he approves of how it fits into his life? That someone who is ready to lay his life down at any given minute, isn’t ideal?
That the reason we can't tell anyone is because we're afraid of how my brother will react? And that no matter how much we feel about each other, I'm not sure either of us is ready to lose Nathan’s presence in our lives? And that's something we've never actually talked about?
So, all I say is "If there's a man in this world who fits into my life, then he's in for a wild ride."
The joke doesn’t land how I hope, and he frowns, muttering frustratedly, "Kiara. You’re not a child anymore."
"Exactly. So please don't treat me like one." If anyone else had said that, I would be long gone.
But he looks determined to say what's on his mind. "It's time you start making decisions for the future."
"I am, Dad. But they're just that. My decisions."
He scratched the back of his head, agitated. "You can do anything you want at Yin. You can do whatever you were—"
"Please, Dad. I don't want that. I don't want to work at your company."
"Tell me why!"
"It's just not what I want.”
"You think Nathan doesn’t want to be the CEO of Yin Tech sometimes? Of course, he does. We all do. But we do it because of the responsibility. You talk about helping people, but you can’t be bothered to help your own family. Nathan understands that family comes first. You two are just so different. He takes after me. Not like you.” And this time, it doesn't sound like a good thing. It sounds saturated with disappointment and disapproval.
Before he can see me cry, I push myself off the chair. "I'll see you later, Dad."
He looks up, blinking like he forgot I was there, instantly regretful. "Oh, Kiara. No, please don't go. We were having such a lovely time."
"But it stopped being pleasant when you remembered that you only have one golden child."
I force myself to walk over to his side and press a kiss to his cheek before I flee out of there to the car waiting for me outside my family's complex. Kylian and I had agreed that for now, if I want to go somewhere, he could either have a car take me, or if I absolutely wanted to drive than he would have a body guard follow me in another car. It was a concession he didn't want to make but it was the only compromise.
