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Fucking Terry.
He talked about loving her, but he never knew her at all. Clarissa didn't need to be forced to learn how to take care of herself.
She is strong, capable, a hard worker and kind in her own subtle way. Creative and resourceful. All the things he thought she never was because he forced her into a life that made her believe she wasn't good enough.
But she was better than all of us all along.
Better than me most of all.
Fuck.
What have I done?
She's not coming.
She's not coming, and it's all my fault.
Brushing the dirt from the back of my pants, the hopelessness sinks my stomach. My fist meets the tree trunk, sending a sharp pain up my arm, making me forget for just a moment.
I need more.
Alcohol isn't doing it anymore.
But I can't keep feeling like this.
It's going to rot my soul away.
As if it matters that I have one without her.
I wave a cab down. "Teterboro Airport. As fast as you can, man!"
Don't be stupid, Matthias. Don't be stupid. It'll pass,I try to tell myself.
The cab turns into traffic just as my phone buzzes. Something at the last moment compels me to check it even though I have no need for contact with anyone but her.
The text, it's from her.
Relief floods my body.
She's coming. Something held her up, that's all.
I open the text.
Clarissa:"Anxiety attack. At the club. Please."
No. No, no, no, no. Not an anxiety attack...
Heart thick in my mouth, I jump out of the cab, anyway. It's barely half a mile.I'll be there soon, darling.My lungs expand and squeeze, sending oxygen around my body as I run. Shit. I didn't even reply. She doesn't even know I'm on my way.
I can't waste the time. It's going to stop now.
One more block away.
I'll be there in a minute, darling. Just breathe.
The front entrance is locked when I get there. I race around the building until I get to the back entrance.
"Matthias!" James shouts. "She's upstairs. She wouldn't come down."
