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I sprint up the stairs, legs burning with each step.
She's on her knees in the middle of the room, clutching at her chest as Clementine kneels next to her, rubbing her back.
"Get me a glass of water, now!" I yell, falling onto the ground next to her. "I'm here, Rissie. I'm here."
The looks she gives me is pained, but she doesn't push me away. Instead, her eyes beg me for help.
"I'm here, okay. You're going to be okay. We're going to get through this. On three, we're just going to take a little breath, okay?" I grab her hand and squeeze it, grounding her in that action. "One, two, three. Breathe, darling."
She takes a little breath, and then it shoots out of her almost immediately.
"Good, Clarissa. We're going to take it nice and slow. One more. Ready?" I drag the air into my breath, and she does the same, her face still panicked. "And out." The air is forced out of my body with awhoosh. "One more, in. And out."
She copies, with each repetition, it becomes a little easier.
I settle on the floor, rubbing her back. "The park was so crowded today, and I saw a few kids using those skipping ropes they hung up." I talk, talk to distract her, get her brain to focus on something other than the desire to flee. "One more breath. In, hold it, and out. Good."
I talk.
I talk for ten minutes while reminding her to breathe.
I tell her about Damien and My-Linh traveling around the U.S., instead of their original honeymoon plans. And how My-Linh volunteered Damien as an audience member for the show when they went to Disney, and there's a picture of Damien wearing some sort of cloak, apparently at the was the moment when he was going to commit. And then there's another picture of him smiling into the camera, because My-Linh is standing next to him.
I tell her about how Hannah went on a date the other day, and came to work in the same clothes that she was wearing the day before.
I tell her about getting some pictures from the owners of the ranch, and how they are willing to discuss selling. But I don't tell her, that I can't bear to buy it, if she's not going to go there with me. That she's the reason I went there the first time. And I won't go back unless she's by my side.
She listens.
Zoning in and out as she fights with her brain. But soon, she focuses for ten, fifteen seconds at a time. She even nods at once point. Her eyes losing the erratic way they flick back and forth, her hands no longer white-knuckled.
When she breathes on her own, I scan her body, making sure that there are no other injuries. Sometimes when the attack comes on unexpectedly, she inadvertently hurts herself.
"And Leanne finally told me who it was she's seeing. You're not going to believe it. It's with the older guy who lives on the second floor! Little wench. How's she going to bring home other guys now?"
A little smile tickles on the corners of her mouth. "Funny."
My heart soars at her first word since I arrive. "Yeah." I give her hand another squeeze before laying it gently on her leg. "Alright?"
"I think so." She takes a deep breath and inspects her hands, like she just realized they were attached to her.
It's horrifying what she goes through each time. But I see her working so hard to prevent them, I can't help wondering if she's had one in the time I haven't seen her.
She frowns, and looks at a point just a few inches from my head, avoiding my eyes. "Thank you."
I nod. "I told you, wherever I am in the world, whatever I'm doing. If you need me, I'm going to be here, Clarissa."
She stands, brushing the dust off her bottom. It reminds me of the same action I did just a half an hour ago. And I know I shouldn't but I can't stop myself asking, "Why didn't you come?"
Confusion leaches into her eyes. "Come?"
"I sent you a message. I was waiting at the park. I wanted to talk."
She shakes her head. The way her curls fall around her face makes my insides ache. I have to take a step back to stop myself from reaching out and tangling my fingers in her hair.
"I didn't get the message. I've been busy. We've been busy," she explains.
And my heart sinks all over again.
