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“What’s wrong?” I sit up, turning on the lamp next to our bed. When I look back at Clint, I see nothing but pure rage.
“You were moaning like a goddamn whore, and then you said another man’s name. Is that what you dream about? Other men? Being a whore?”
“What? No. I wasn’t dreaming about anything like that. My dreams have been nothing lately other than reliving work. There have been a lot of fights.”
“I seriously doubt that. And even if that were the case, why the hell would you say another man’s name? Do you really think you can hide your little affair from me? Who the hell is Nate?”
Shit.
I can play off the dream, but I can’t play off saying his name. I can’t tell him the truth. It doesn’t matter that it was a dream. Clint would take it exactly like he is now, only worse.
“He’s a father. I am helping get his kids back. It’s been a really rough time with court. His case is my current priority. That’s what the dream was about. His case. That’s all, Clint. There is no affair. I have you.”
I appeal to his ego. I know my man. I know what he wants to hear, what he needs to hear.
“You’re a damn liar, Audrina. I’m gonna figure out what the hell is going on. Keep having your dreams. No one is going to want you. Your dreams are the only place that any other man will want you in. You’re nothing special. Hardly beautiful. You’re lucky that you have me. Do you really think that you’re gonna find someone as successful as me to ever love you? You won when you got me. Try to remember that as you dream aboutNate.”
His words hurt, but I know that he speaks the truth. No one is going to want me. Why would they? He’s right. I’m the lucky one.
“Clint, I promise. It’s just about the case. It’s a lot right now. I’m just stressing.”
“Then maybe they should find someone who doesn’t allow their work to stress them out and canactuallyhandle the job. If you were better, this wouldn’t bother you.”
“You’re right. I know you are.” I say as I look down. My hands wring together.“There isn’t anyone else that can help right now.”
“I’ll talk to Scott. You obviously can’t handle your job. Maybe it’s time you do what you’re good at. Sitting on your ass and being ready for me when I decide to desire you.”
He gets up and walks out of the room. The second the door is shut, I lie back down. When the garage door closes, indicating he is headed to the hospital, I start to cry.
I know that this isn’t okay. I help women every day. I get others away from the very thing that I currently live with. Why can’t I leave, though? What’s really keeping me here? He loves me. I know that he does. He’s always known what’s best for me. Hasn’t he?
It’s too much to think about right now.
I close my eyes and will myself back to sleep. I was so happy in my dream. I wonder if I can get myself back into it. But even if I can’t, I can at least have a few moments of happiness. All it takes is one thought. I close my eyes tighter and smile.There, that’s what I needed.
Nate.
Too bad I’ll never have him because that’s one thing I know Clint is right about. No one else will ever want me.
*One month prior to Steffie’s body showing up*
“D
o you honestly think that you will get what you want by acting like this? You made this mess, and now I’m here picking up the pieces.” Steffie has been doing nothing to make this process easier. She’s been going out of her way to cause every hurdle she can think of. The most outrageous things she can think of, she does them. How this is still a battle after she attacked Ellie is beyond me. There are only a couple of things that I am sure about. I’m not going to let her win, and all this damn stress is causing a headache. But if I show any weakness, she will jump on that.
“Rambo! You need to realize that you know nothing about raising a little girl! She needs her mother! She needs me more than she could ever need you!”
“You think you know anything about raising a little girl? Or any child, for that matter? Do you forget how I found my kid? You were never around. You don’t know a damn thing about raising children. I want my daughter.”
Looking at me smugly, she takes a deep inhale through her nose.“If you want a kid so bad, you can keep Dillon. He needs more of a male influence.” Her screech is grating on my last nerve.
I care about Dillon. I really do. I take care of him as I do for Baby Girl, but it doesn’t change the fact that he isn’t mine.“Jesus, he isn’t my kid! I have no claim to him. He is yours! Just because his father is dead doesn’t mean you can pawn him off on me because I am his sister’s father. What aren’t you getting? You fucked up! The courts aren’t going to give her back until you do what they told you to do!” She attempts to talk, but I raise my hands, halting her.“Just stop! Do something for the kids instead of yourself!”
Steffie is the most selfish, awful human I have ever met. I regret every moment I ever shared with her. All because I wanted to have my dick ridden, I am now in the worst-case scenario. I will never regret my daughter, but I will always regret who her mother is.
Her mother will never be the woman I want. Never. She will forever be tied to…. Her. I look at Steffie and wonder how I could allow myself to do what I did. There is no good reason. Not a single one. And now, I am stuck in this never-ending shit show. All I want is to be my daughter’s father in the eyes of the law. It shouldn’t be this fucking hard. She. Is. Mine.
“You don’t have the kids either, and the longer this drags out—” she stops herself.
