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“You’re right, Clint. You are too good for me. But I didn’t do anything wrong, and I haven’t done anything wrong.”You want Nate. Shut. Up.“I’m just working and helping those that need it. That’s it.” I’m pleading. I don’t know when the tears started to fall. I no longer feel them half the time.
It’s been this way for a long time.
This is my life. It always has been. It’s what I’m used to. It’s what I know. It’s my normal.
Funny how the strongest on the outside are the weakest on the inside.
“That isn’t it, though. You’re surrounding yourself with trash each time you help someone in that club. I won’t have it associated with me. I’m so disappointed in you, Audrina. You were raised better than this. Your father wouldn’t tolerate this, and neither will I.”
At the mention of my father, I shrivel. The man was pure evil and never felt bad when he thought I needed to be reminded of my place in this world. He did a great job of keeping me in line until the day he died. His control over me was finally gone. My only saving grace from my father was Clint. He made sure that my father wouldn’t physically hurt me anymore. Kept me safe from him. My father wasn’t able to place a hand on me anymore, but his words hit just the same.
“Your father didn’t love you, but he raised you right. Maybe it’s time I remind you of your place?”
“No. Please, Clint. No. I k—know my place. I’m sorry.”
At some point, I sat myself down. I have no clue how I got here. All I know is that my hands are in my lap, my head is down, and I’m in my place. Below Clint. Below any man. Especially one as successful as the man that loves me.
“And where is that?”
“Beneath you.”
He walks up to me and lifts my head up. He gives me a smile that sends shivers through my body. These aren’t shivers of pleasure. They’re shivers of fear. Clint has never hit me, but he’s made it clear—I’m nothing compared to him.
Clint told me so.
“Such a perfect little thing. Remember, Audrina. The only one that loves you is me. No one, especially the pieces of shit in that club, will ever love you. And that man? He willneverlove you.”
His eyes go dark at the mention of Nate. I know that he’s telling me the truth. Clint doesn’t lie to me. I simply nod, and Clint lets me go, heading straight out the front door. I can’t do anything. I sit there for minutes, maybe hours, before I finally get up and head to bed. I don’t bother changing. I lay down and turned on my side. I stare at the blank wall until my eyes close. My thoughts are running in circles, but one thing is clear.
Nate will never love me because Clint told me so.
I am not sure if I slept. I don’t remember Clint coming home. I don’t remember the sun going down or coming up. I just remember looking at that wall, reflecting on everything that happened last night. Remembering that I lost my place in our relationship for a few moments, and it was going to take a bit to gain back the trust that Clint lost in me. I watch my alarm clock roll over to 6 a.m., and I know it’s time to start my day.
Every Monday to Friday, I get up at 6 a.m. and start the predetermined breakfast for that day. Mondays are overnight oats with açaí, avocado toast with a fried egg, and hand-pressed orange juice. Opening the fridge, terror hits me. I forgot to prepare the oats. Clint won’t have them in time for breakfast today, which is the most important meal of the day. Each morning was designed for the day he was going to have. Today he’s in the E.R. and needs all the protein and power he can get.
“Fuck,” I mumble, trying to think of how I can fix this.
“Swearing isn’t ladylike, Audrina,” Clint says, coming up behind me and pressing a kiss to the side of my head.
My whole body is shaking. I can’t believe it. In all the mess that happened yesterday, I forgot to prep the overnight oats and fruit. I mumble a sorry and keep looking in the fridge, willing the food to appear and save me from what is going to happen when I tell him.
“Where is breakfast? Why are you not ready for the day? I didn’t hear the shower go off, either. You should really get going. You are going to need some time to fix up your face.”
“I am sorry, Clint, after the fight we had last night—”
“That wasn’t a fight, but I have a feeling this is going to be one now.” Clint leans on the marble island, crossing his arms and looking down at me. I want to crawl into myself and disappear.
“After our talk last night, I went to bed and forgot to put the oats in the fridge. I can still make your avocado toast with egg, and I can make sure we have the oats for tomorrow—”
“You have very few responsibilities here! I expect very little, but for whatever reason, even your little pea brain can’t get breakfast done right! And you say you are good at your job! How can you remember everything you need to do for the day, for the people you supposedly help, if you can’t even prepare breakfast for your boyfriend? A breakfast that you have been making every Monday for years! Forget it! I’ll pick something up on the go. I am working late tonight, so I won’t be here todistractyou from breakfast for tomorrow!”
I don’t even have a chance to say anything before he storms out of the house, walking into my shoulder on the way out. Jostling me to the side and practically into the fridge that is still open. I am so lost. I have failed him again. The only man who loves me and wants me, I failed him.
If he leaves me, who else is going to love me?
No one, because Clint told me so.
Ididn’t get any more than that.
