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He reaches for my hand again, but I jerk away.
“You don’t need to,” I snap, heading for the door. “I’m not stupid. I understand. What, you don’t think I know the weight that comes with being a part of a political family? Pretty shitty when your choices can directly affect someone else’s life, isn’t it?”
I know it’s a low blow. Not even I knew how badly my actions would impact my family. I certainly didn’t anticipate my dad choosing to disown me. But somehow, it hurts ten times worse to hear Efrem backing out now that he knows the price of our relationship.
Likehe’s not sure it’s worth the cost. Even though I’m the one who has to pay for it.
“Don’t go,” he pleads, pressing a hand to the door and closing it just as I start to pull it open, effectively trapping me.
“I need to clear my head,” I state, my lips forming a determined line. “Get out of my way, Efrem.”
He hesitates, his eyes searching my face—for what, I don’t know. But whatever answer he finds there, he sighs. Then he drops his hand, stepping away from the door to allow me to leave.
My heart twinges at the resignation on his face, and I wonder if this might not be him deciding it’s better to let me go.
Emotions in a tangled knot, I flee, just barely making it into the elevator before the tears start to fall.
31
DANI
The sky is dark as I open the door onto the steps of Efrem’s apartment building. I left my suitcase in his room, but I don’t want to turn around and get it. I might have to finish the argument I’m running from if I do.
Wiping the tears from my face, I debate where I should go from here. I can’t go home to my parents, my tail tucked between my legs. And I can’t take more of Efrem’s mixed signals right now. Not when my life feels so topsy-turvy.
Silvia’s the one I know I can turn to when my emotions get so jumbled. And at this point, I’m not sure anyone else can possibly straighten out my tumultuous brain. Checking that I have enough cash to get me there, I then flag down a taxi and hop in.
In the back seat of the car, I can’t help but think about Efrem. It seems the attraction drawing us together has little to do with what it takes to have a normal relationship. Every time I’m sure we’re right for each other, it feels like another hurdle appears that we have to overcome. Is that what relationships are supposed to be? Constant obstacles to climb in order to prove our devotion?
I’m up for the challenge. I would do it, again and again, to be with Efrem. But hearing him doubt my choice knocked my feet right out from under me. It feels ridiculous that I couldn’t finish our discussion when I’m the one who wrung the truth out of him.
But he’s always been the rock, the steady confidence that makes me strong enough to stand by my decision. So seeing him falter left me shockingly off balance. And I couldn’t stand his attempt to hide his doubt either.
That he would even try to keep it from me hurts.
And yet, when he said what was bothering him, I had to run.
Still, it frustrates me immensely that he only wanted to be with me until he discovered the consequences that come with the decision I’ve been struggling to make.
I just don’t know. I don’t know what to do from here.
And Silvia’s the only one I can turn to who might see things clearly. She always knows what to say.
The Veles house is quiet by the time the taxi pulls up in front of their brownstone steps.
Biting my lip, I debate whether it’s later than acceptable to just show up unannounced. After a moment’s hesitation, I climb out of the cab and climb the steps to knock.
The door swings open almost immediately. But rather than the typical greeting I might get from Val or Pyotr’s doorman, I’m met by an unfamiliar face.
Tall and lean compared to Val or Efrem, yet still incredibly fit, the dark-haired Russian holds a pistol in his relaxed grip as he scrutinizes me. I shiver at the cold, intelligent gaze, the brilliant green of his eyes. His angular, almost feline features could be considered striking, beautiful even. Still, his unwavering gaze reminds me of a predator’s just moments before a kill.
“Eto devushka Richelieu,” he says, casting a glance over his shoulder as he speaks in Russian, his voice silky and calm. “Uspokoysya.”
I hear the distinct sound of several guns decocking simultaneously, and my stomach knots.
Then his eyes return to me. “Come in,” he commands harshly, jerking his chin to reinforce his statement.
His gaze casts out into the night as I step across the threshold, then he closes the door swiftly behind me. The hairs stand up on the back of my neck as I enter the Veles house to find several armed men watching me with open interest. I’ve never seen so many intimidating figures in their home at once.
