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“The sex reassignment surgery, João Pedro! Because there’s no other explanation for all this shit!” His eyebrows rise, and I roll my eyes.
“You know that was a very prejudice comment towards people who actually opt for a sex change, right? And that’s fucked up even for you!” he scolds me as if I were a child, but damn!He’s right.Other people’s choices should not be seen as a joke.
“Okay, I was an asshole... A greater asshole, I mean. But you’re so sensitive...”
“Fuck off, Marcos!” he disdains and takes the glass of whiskey to his mouth.
“It’s the only way to make things work. You knew this would have to happen.” I return the conversation to what should be its focus.
“For starters, if you hadn’t fucked up, literally, you wouldn’t have needed a solution.I was hoping that you would give up this absurd idea...” he argues and the fact that I can’t contest it makes me turn the rest of the whiskey in my glass at once. “Really?What was on your mind, Marcos?You were always reckless, but never stupid, and I always told you that fucking your secretaries eventually would get you in a mess.Still, I figured getting caught by your dad once would be enough to knock some sense into that head of yours.But no, you needed a second one and you lost a million-dollar client, damn it, Marcos!This is too much even for you!”
“I don’t know, damn it! I just didn’t want to deal with the fact that I was about to turn into a João Pedro 2.0.”
He bursts out laughing.
“A João Pedro 2.0?What’s that even supposed to mean?”
“Do I have to remember what your life was like until your precious Eliza came into it?” This time his laugh is restrained, as if he knows something I don’t.
“I’m sorry to inform you, Marcos, but in this case, you’re already a João Pedro 2.0, or maybe I was a Marcos 3.0. Because even in being you, I’m better than you...”
Snorting, I get up from my chair and walk over to the bar.I pour another double shot of whiskey and down my throat all at once.
“What? Are you going to get drunk now? We both know that you make bad decisions when you’re drunk...” he needles me, referring to the fact that the last time I got drunk in public, on his parents’ wedding anniversary, I caused a lot of confusion, even leading João Pedro to beat up a childhoodfriendof ours.Friend is a strong word; a childhood burden would be a better definition.I turn in his direction.
“You’re never going to let this go, are you?”
“Never? This happened less than three months ago, Marcos!Bruno’s face is still warm, so, no, I haven’t forgotten yet!You’re lucky that I’m a better friend than you are, that Eliza is better than the two of us put together, and that all that shit ended up nudging me into making the best decision of my life, or I wouldn’t even be looking at your ugly face!”
“I had just realized that I would have to get married, give me a break, will you?! And how is she, by the way?”
“That’s not fucking justification!I know, you know, the whole fucking world knows, but like I said, in the end, it all came together, and seeing you kneeling in front of Eliza was one hell of a moment!I have the photo here, you want to see?” he offers, extending his phone towards me.
“Fuck you!” The son of a bitch bursts out laughing.
I admit, that wasn’t my best moment, but when the drinking wore off and I woke up with a hell of a hangover, I was really desperate as I realized the mess I had involved João Pedro and Eliza that night.Despite the headache exploding every single one of my neurons, I desperately tried to reach my friend, who declined all my calls.
My next logical step was to drive to his house and kneel at his now wife’s feet.Pussy-whipped as the motherfucker is, I knew if she forgave me, so would he.It took some time, but he finally gave in before his wedding.
“And now you remember that my wife exists?! After you took me away from her the day we got home from our honeymoon, asking about her was the first thing you should have done, asshole!”
“Wife?” I test the word, ignoring everything else in the speech, and it tastes more bitter than whiskey. “How does it feel to have one?”
“The best there is?” he asks. “But I don’t think we can compare situations, Marcos.I chose Eliza, you’re hiring a doll... It’s way different...”
“Your relationship also began with a contract…” He raises an eyebrow, I don’t understand why until I hear his next words.
“So, you’re saying you’re willing to walk the same path that I walked in my relationship?” he laughs and only then do I realize what I said.
“Of course not, damn it! This marriage is just a way to fulfill the board’s stupid demand, João!They didn’t even try to be less absurd.It’s a professional agreement, nothing more.”
“I’m going to have to agree, but that’s only because they were sure that was a line you wouldn’t cross.No one in their right mind, by the way...”
“They underestimated my willingness to honor my father’s legacy.”
“I believe that when you decided to fuck your secretary literally five minutes after you told your father you would behave like a responsible heir and didn’t even bother to lock the office door, you gave them good reason to believe exactly what they believe.”
“Have I told you to fuck off today?”
