Page 131 of For his Surrender

“No...” She answers dryly and reads the screen again in my hand.I narrow my eyes, infiltrate my fingers beneath the fabric of her dress, and caress the warm skin before lightly squeezing.

“Are you jealous of Isabella and I?”

“I said no!” The statement is so untrue that even a person who doesn’t know Antonella would have a hard time believing it.

“Oh, honey! Come on! I’m irresistible! I have this effect on women, no matter what their age!” I steal her attention again, and now I can keep it.Antonella turns away with outrage stamped on her face. “You’re not planning on killing me and throwing me into the sea, right?” I feign concern at the almost murderous expression on your face.

“Maybe!” She tilts her body against mine, forcing me to lie down and I really don’t care. “A seductive man?” she asks, stretched over me with my body between her legs.

“Definitely!” I smile wide when I see her narrowed eyes. “And what are you going to do about it? huh?”

Ella shakes her head from side to side, denying it, my smile widens.

“I don’t know…Maybe the best punishment for you is me doing absolutely nothing.I was all silly looking for ways to make you happy, I organized all this and you have the nerve to say that you have a seductive effect out there? Oh no!You deserve my scorn!” The tone is a joke, but Antonella rehearses getting up, I won’t let her. I spin both of us over the padded surface, and in the blink of an eye, I’m the one standing on top of her.

“Where do you think you’re going?”

“Ignore you!”

“You think you’re capable of that?”

“I am!”

“Are you sure?”

“No!” she answers immediately, even if her answer testifies against her own plans, and we both laugh.Slowly, I drop my weight on her body as I play with my face on her skin.

It is such an incredible moment that when the clarity I have been seeking tirelessly for days hits me, it does not come like a giant wave, like an earthquake or like a cyclone, despite taking over my mind and heart with the force of a phenomenon of nature.

“I want you...” My voice is low.I don’t know who I’m more worried about scaring.Whether it’s her or myself.Antonella’s laugh sounds loud again.

“Here? In the middle of all these people? It’s definitely a higher level of exhibitionism.” I’m the one laughing now.Very close, dark and bright eyes are silent and I am grateful for that.I don’t know if I could handle any sound other than the confusion in my head and the hallucinated beats of my own heart right now.

Happiness.I was happy before Antonella came into my life.I had plans, desires, I did what I wanted.So why has that word never made as much sense before as it does now?Suddenly, all the doubts and questions I’ve cultivated throughout the week spread in my head like the water around us.

Was I happy?Yes, I was. I have always been.But if there is one thing I have no doubt about, it is that I am now more, much more.I was never incomplete, but I would have to be very stupid not to acknowledge that in the last few months my definition of happiness has changed.

It’s no longer the nights of whiskey and sex that put smiles on my face.It is mornings and afternoons of uncontrollable thoughts about the woman beneath me, and much of them involve both of us fully clothed.Isn’t it insane?

It’s dawns of silly conversations about random subjects that serve nothing but to make me smile.There are countless minutes in which I wish time would go slower whenever a little girl tells me how her day was.It’s endless hours watching the same movie, again and again and again.

A short, surprised laugh leaves my lips, my eyebrows rise, I blink and lower my head just for a moment before I return to focusing on the woman who looks at me smiling.Then I smile.I smile and kiss her lips, her nose, her eyes.

I smile, because in a silly and completely random moment, I have just realized that all the doubts that have plagued me since I internally wished Antonella to be my wife are nothing but nonsense.I don’t know when it happened, but at some point, Isabella and her mother being a fundamental part of my happiness became a certainty.

“I want you,” I repeat the words. “Here, inside, at home, on the island and everywhere else, I just want you...” My voice comes out low, hoarse.Words slide down slowly.Antonella’s face transforms as she realizes I’m not joking or just talking about sex, the smile is replaced by half-open lips, her eyes widen slightly, blinking several times in a row, and her throat moves slowly, swallowing hard. “Ever since you came into my life, I’ve been discovering ways and ways of happiness I never thought I’d ever feel… Just…Just looking at you makes me happy, Antonella.You are a treacherous thing that came wanting to take advantage of what I offered and instead completely changed my concept of happiness.One day after another you and Isabella have been giving me so much more than you take...” My hand goes up her cheek and I caress it with my thumb.

“Marcos,” she whispers.

“I know...” I shake my head denying, laughing at myself. “I know that wasn’t the plan...I know I’m breaking all the rules we never said...” Her breath touches my lips and she runs her tongue over her lips. “But I can’t stop thinking,What if?You deserve better than me,Ella...” You deserve so much more than me, so confused, wrapped up in words, I just...” I exhale hard, dying to swallow what is on the tip of my tongue and, at the same time, crazy to let every word break free.

Antonella waits for them with anxious eyes, uncontrolled breathing and half-opened lips.I close my eyes, place my forehead on hers, and make the decision.

“I want you... I never thought I’d say that.I never thought I’d want this, but I want to be able to choose you.I want you whole, Antonella... Mine… And if I’m saying it now, it’s because I’m not sure if or when I’m going to have another burst of courage like this.I want more than stolen nights, doubts about whether or when you meet someone else, I want you all...” I pant as if I had just swum a hundred meters and do not open my eyes, worried about what I will find on my wife’s face when looking at her.However, before I am able to build up courage, I feel her mouth on mine.

Antonella’s lips touch me without any delicacy.It is an urgent, intense kiss in which our tongues search for each other almost with despair.A groan escapes my throat the instant they meet.It’s a kiss unlike any other, and yet like every other we’ve ever exchanged. Delicious, warm, extraordinary.Only this time, desire isn’t the only feeling it responds to.

There are others and I don’t want to name them.For now, I just want the feel of Antonella’s mouth in mine.From my hands on her body and her fingers on my skin.I want her scent dominating my senses, my saliva spreading over every inch of her I can reach.

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