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“News?” She adjusts her little body on the stool and widens her eyes.Antonella opens her mouth to begin speaking, but Isabella interrupts her before she even begins when a sound of surprise leaves her mouth. “Am I going to get a little brother, Mommy?””
“What?” Antonella chokes on her own saliva right after saying the word, and I turn sideways to laugh as I lightly tap her on the back. When I look back at her, her eyes are narrowed and accusing, but it’s not my fault, gee.
I raise my hands in surrender, my wife snorts and looks back at her daughter.
“No, Bella...You won’t get a brother” pauses. He takes a deep breath, looks at me, at Danilo and then continues: “but you’re getting a father” he lets go of the words and three pairs of attentive eyes accompany the childish eyebrows frowning when a confused grimace takes over Isabella’s face.
“A father?” she repeats with her head lowered.” But then I’ll have two dads?” She raises her eyes looking for the answer to the question she asked on the faces of adults, but all she finds are expressions much more confused than she has herself.
Antonella blinks, then looks at me.I shake my head subtly, saying I have no idea what Isabella might be talking about. Damn YouTube. I rub my hand on the back of my head.
“What do you mean, two dads, Bella?”Ellaasks the million-dollar question, and I bring the beer bottle to my mouth.
“Mommy, I already have Marcos, he doesn’t like me saying it, but everyone knows he’s my dad!” I spit out the beer without any elegance and choke so violently that I can’t breathe.Luckily, I was able to turn my face and the only victim of the jet of booze that left my mouth was the kitchen countertop.
Antonella comes to my rescue, knocking on my back, but it does nothing to alleviate either of my two desperations, neither that of shortness of breath nor that of the heart attack I am having at the moment. I swear I am!
“Marcos!” my wife calls, but all I do is cough, desperately, and try, without any success, to breathe.Minutes that seem like an eternity pass until the air returns to my lungs, and it is with red eyes that I look at an Isabella with a tired expression on her face.
“See? When I tell him he’s my daddy, that’s what happens! It was the same as the first time” she explains, and I blink confused, not understanding what she may be talking about.And then memory arises, clear as water.When Antonella introduced Isabella to me, she asked me if I would be her father and I gasped, terrified at the idea.
How things have changed… This time, my reaction was motivated only by surprise, because there’s nothing terrifying about the idea of Isabella calling me dad.I look at the child who has the habit of destabilizing me and I can’t say anything.Her certainty is as surprising as it is exciting.
Shit!I never intended to replace Isabella’s father.Even when I didn’t know about Danilo’s existence and realized there was nothing I wouldn’t do to protect her, to care for her, I never had the ambition to one day be called a father. Holy shit! While I’m still astonished, it’s Danilo who’s looking for explanations.
“And why does everyone know Marcos is your daddy, Bella?”
“Because he is, gee!” she exclaims categorically and puts her hands around her waist.” He does all the things daddies do! He takes me to school, to ballet, he’s watches me dance, he puts me to sleep, he gives me food, he watches movies with me, he plays with me, and sometimes when I mess up, he also scolds me. Oh!” Raises a finger, signaling that she remembered something else. “And I love Marcos and he loves me! So that’s it!”
I open my mouth needing to say something, but I need to turn my back when I feel tears streaming down my face. Oh, fuck! Damn! I rub my hands down my cheeks and eyes, drying them, and turn around again.
“Why are you crying, Marcos?” I look at Antonella, who also has teary eyes and then at Danilo, ah, fuck! This was supposed to be his moment, and now I’m here like a fucking candle, melting.
He smiles at me and nods, as if he knows exactly what I’m thinking and wants to calm me.
“The answer to your question is yes, Bella! You’re going to have two fathers!” he says, and again, I need to put my hands to my face to wipe away new tears.
“Mommy, why are you and Marcos crying?” She appeals to her mother when I don’t answer her. I walk around the kitchen island to reach her and hug her.I hug her tight and I’m grateful because even without understanding the reason, she reciprocates.
“I’m crying, Bella, because I didn’t know you thought I wouldn’t want to be called Daddy. I’ll like it.I’ll love being your father too!”
“Really?” She widens her eyes and opens her mouth, looking at me. “Will I be able to call you Dad in front of everyone?”
“In front of the whole world!” She throws herself into my arms and I catch her clenching my teeth, trying to contain the damn urge to cry again. Damn, girl!
Before I’m ready to let her go, Isabella shows a willingness to sit down again and I leave her on the stool.Then, surprising us once again, she turns to Danilo and asks.
“And what about you? Will I also get to call you Dad in front of everyone?” Now it’s his eyes that are red.
And here we go again.
Happiness is a choice, and I couldn’t have made a better one.
