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“I’m fine, dad” I assure him, and seconds later comes the question I hoped the heavy subject had made him forget.
“What about unwanted surprises?”
“Oh, Dad! I promise my surprise will be very welcome!”
“Marcos!”
“You can’t be serious, Antonella, for God’s sake!” Grazi protests as I walk back and forth in my room, wearing the scattered clothes.
Two days after Marcos proposed to me, it’s time for an answer, and my friend can’t settle for the fact that I’m ready to say yes.Needless to say, how outraged she was to hear everything that was said in that office.I was too, but pride and morals don’t pay for a decent school for my daughter or put food in her belly, the money Asshole Marcos is willing to pay me to play being the perfect doll, does.
That night, as Grazi complained about the absurdity of the situation and talked endlessly about how I should sue him for harassment, Isabella woke up.Her little body staggered past the ajar door of the room as she scratched her eyes with one hand closed in fist.
“Mommy?” She called me sleepy, and I didn’t hesitate to hang up on Grazi to answer my daughter.
I took her in my arms and sat back on the couch, still wrapped in the towel and exhausted, but ready to take over the world if I had to, to make my little girl happy.
“What is it?” I asked, having her nestled in my arms and now with her eyes wide open.
“I miss you, Mom…” My heart tightened.
I missed her too. For weeks I couldn’t pay attention to her, not even during the weekends, as college was consuming what little free time I had left.Tests, assignments, seminars and I was only in the second period.I’m not stupid enough to believe that this would get better in the next few periods, the tendency is to get worse.
I sighed deeply and squeezed her even harder against me.
“Mommy too, my love! Mommy too...”
“Can we see the princess and the dragon movie?” she asked about what was her newest addiction, the damn movie just released by Disney.Generally, I thanked the universe and the stars for being easy to distract her with the colorful images on my notebook, a gift from Grazi before returning to Rio, but I looked at the clock and saw that between undoing our bags, minimally organizing our house and talking to my friend, hours had already passed, and the hand marked almost two in the morning.
If I watched a movie with Bella, I would lose two of my precious four hours of daily sleep, plus I would certainly hear complaints from daycare about her unregulated sleep the next day.But I frowned as I remembered something I had been completely ignoring since I left Asshole Marcos’ penthouse.He had given me two days off to think about his offer.
That meant I wouldn’t have to wake up in four hours or even take Isabella to day-care.It was Monday and for the next two days there would be an academic event at the university whose participation was encouraged, but not mandatory.I wouldn’t have classes, and without work, my time with my daughter would not only become longer, it would gain much more quality.The thought of two days with my little girl put a smile on my face and made me breathe in a relieved way, like I hadn’t done in months.
There, for a few seconds, I felt like a slightly better mother. Not a good mother yet, but just a little better.In the next few minutes, as I made colored popcorn and listened to Isabella giggle at the sound of the corn popping, as I made the bed so that we both could watch her favorite animation under the comforter, and as she fell asleep cuddling on me before the movie was even halfway through, I found out that there was nothing I wouldn’t do to be a better mother, not even take a shortcut called Asshole Marcos.
“Grazi, I told you I’m gonna do this and I already explained my reasons!"
“But you don’t have to, Nel!If things are so difficult, I can send you money, or you can go back to Rio, you don’t have to go through this!”
“It’s just a job, Grazi, it’s not a satanic ritual, okay?Marcos is an asshole, not a demon!I’m going to be fine, and most importantly, Bella is going to be fine.This money will be enough to organize our lives while I’m studying.Besides, I can negotiate a job in his office when I finish college...
“Nel, you don’t have to do this, please...”
“Grazi, you won’t change my mind!”
“But what about the fact that he wants a sweet, submissive little princess? You are ignoring this very important detail!”
“I can fake it!”
“Nel! No, you can’t!”
“Grazi, if I can clean toilets, I can put up with some shit! Besides, it’s only until the wedding!Then fuck whatever he expects of me! He was arrogant enough not to put anything about my alleged behavior in the employment contract, so I’ll behave the way I want to, and he’s the one who’s gonna have to deal with...”
“Nel...” I sigh, gathering strength to say my next words.
“Graziella, I really don’t need judgment right now. I need support and I’ll understand if you can’t give it to me, but please, no judgment.”
“Nel, I’m not judging you, I’m just worried about you.This man is a scumbag and you don’t have to go through this...” Now, she tries to convince me with a gentle voice, since demanding didn’t work.
