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“Ben, I just meant—”
“I know what you meant. I’m not stupid. You want to know if I’m fucking someone else. You want to know if I let another woman into my bed, because you kicked me to the curb,” I growl, so fucking frustrated that I want to scream. Instead, anger comes through my words untethered, lashing out at her because she’s the reason for my pain.
“I didn’t call to fight,” she says, the softness gone from her voice, but I hear pain. The problem is I’m hurting too much to rein my own in.
“No, apparently you called to accuse me of fucking around on you.” My voice is hoarse, and I rake the towel over my face, drying off the sweat. I just wish I could wipe away the hurt.
“We’re broken up, Ben.”
“I don’t need to be reminded of that, Junie. It wasn’t my choice. It was yours.”
“I… I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to accuse you of anything, but I guess that is what I was asking, and I’m sorry. It’s just when you were quiet, I had this vision of you in bed with someone else and… I panicked.”
“It’d be easier if I could fuck someone else, Junie—a fuck of a lot easier.”
“I miss you, Ben.”
“Not enough.”
“I know it’s not much, but I need you to know that I’m trying to work through my issues. I’m trying to sort through everything so I can… I want you in my life, Ben. I do. I just… I need to sort through some things.”
My head goes down. Why does this feel like the situation with Luna all over again? Why does it feel like once more I’m going to be runner-up? Only this time the prize is my whole world.
“I’ve got to go, Junie.”
“Oh… I… Would you…Shit.I’m making a mess of this. Would you like to meet for dinner this week, Ben?”
“Are you ready for what comes after that?”
“What does that mean?”
“I don’t want dinner with you, Junie. I want everything. I want dinner. After, I want to go home and make love to you. I want to hold you through the night and wake up to you. Then, I want to repeat the whole damn thing the next day. What I don’t want is to find myself being pushed away again for no fucking reason.”
“You won’t believe me, but I want that too.”
“It sure as hell don’t feel like it from where I’m sitting.”
“Can we… Could we start with dinner, Ben?”
“I want to say yes, Junie. I really do.”
“But?”
“You need to sort out your shit, Baby. I can’t be here waiting only to have you keep breaking my heart, because I swear to you, Junie, you have my heart.”
“I understand.”
“I’ll talk to you later, Junie,” I respond the finality in my words painful.
“Ben? I’m really going to try. Don’t give up on me… I… don’t want you to give up on me.”
I breathe through the pain. “You’re not that easy to get over, Junie. Goodnight.”
“Goodnight,”she murmurs, and I click my phone off. I close my eyes letting the pain she caused move over me then I throw my phone across the room. It slams against the wall and falls onto the floor.
Doing that, doesn’t make me feel better at all.
Junie
