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I’m calling myself stupid a million times over. I’ve got my stun gun and pepper spray in a purse that I almost never carry, and I’m sitting in Carl’s pizza and take out, waiting on Greg—the Rat. I would have rather been at Karen’s place which is almost directly across from the sheriff’s office. It would have felt safer, but I couldn’t do it. Meeting Greg there would have been like dirtying up mine and Ben’s place. I’m not letting Greg touch it. So, I’m here, waiting, feeling like I’m waiting at the dentist to get a hole drilled in my head. In truth, I’d prefer that a million times over.
I started to ask Gavin to come with me tonight, but Luna is home sick, and I didn’t want to make him feel like he needed to be with me for moral support or for protection. I’m a big girl. I’ve grown up, and no one will ever make me feel like I’m not worthy again.
That’s what I keep telling myself and it’s true, but that doesn’t stop the nerves from building inside of me with each tick of the clock.
“Hi, Juniper.”
I thought I was prepared but hearing his voice behind me sends a cold chill up my spine that’s cold enough to freeze my heart and stop it from beating. In hindsight, I probably should’ve sat where I could face the door.
Greg comes around to the side, and I get the first look I’ve had of him in years. Greg’s a good-looking guy. I can’t deny that. He always has been and for the most part life has come pretty easy for him—women too, first me and the numerous ones that came afterandduring the time we were together. He’s got sandy blond hair with green eyes that I used to think promised me the world. I was so wrong about that. All they ever gave me was pain.
“Greg,” I respond, clearing my throat because his name comes out croaky.
“You look as beautiful as ever,” he says, and I roll my eyes, not bothering to hide my reaction.
“Funny, you always told me I needed to lose weight and dye my hair. I believe it was red, right? Though the woman I came home and found you in bed with had that shade covered, so maybe you would have changed your mind.”
I see that muscle twitch in Greg’s jaw. It’s an indicator that he doesn’t like what I’m saying. Maybe I should try to be more civil, but there’s no reason. I hate this man. I once heard that God doesn’t want you to hate any person, but I figure God knows enough about my relationship with Greg to forgive this one thing.
“That’s my Junie. You never backdown, always letting people have it with both barrels.”
“Even when someone was trying to beat my face in,” I tell him, only this time I say it softer, because there are certain things that I don’t want anyone else around us to hear.
Greg sits down, and I find myself staring at the monster that I never wanted to see again.
“You won’t believe me, but I am sorry about that, Juniper.”
“You’re right. I don’t believe you.”
“I didn’t figure you would. I was hoping however, that you’d hear me out.” He holds up his hand in a stop gesture, before I can speak. “And before you say it, I know it’s more than I deserve, but I’m hoping you will just the same.”
“I figure that’s why I’m here, Greg.”
“That’s not my name anymore, Juniper. It hasn’t been for a long time,” he admonishes me, and he looks like he’s disappointed in me. I do my best not to let that tap into my anger. He’s not worth it, and I just need this over. Greg is a ghost that’s been haunting me in ways I didn’t realize. When the fire at the bar happened, for some reason I kept seeing Greg’s face in my head, screaming at me that I would never be free of him. That’s what sent me careening out of control, pushing Ben away, and fighting the urge to pick up and leave town. Apparently, old ghosts don’t really die. They just show up when you least expect them, wreaking havoc.
“I used to call you by that idiotic name and then recently a friend reminded me of how idiotic I thought it was and why I didn’t want to call you that in the first place.” I shrug and that vein in his jaw is twitching overtime now. If this was back when we lived together, I’d be backing up and trying to find a place to hide right now. Although I never managed to hide where he couldn’t find me. I slide my hand from the table down into my lap, making a fist forcing my nails to bite into the palm of my hand. I concentrate on the pain and sit proud, refusing to cower or let him think I’m not strong. I spent way too many years being weak where he was concerned.
“What can I get you guys?” Tyler, one of the only waiters here at Carl’s asks, stopping at our table. He’s a good kid. I think Carl said he just turned seventeen. He’s got a few acne scars that make him painfully shy around girls. I’m hoping one latches onto him soon and sees how lucky she would be. Too many young girls are blinded by good looks. God knows I was. Although, looking at Greg now, even I have to admit he doesn’t look one-half as good as Ben. There’s a world of difference between them too. It shines clear. There’s a light in Ben that shines through his eyes and warms you. Greg doesn’t have that and looking at him now, I’m sure that he never did.
“Do you have a menu? What do you recommend, Juniper?” Greg asks.
“No offense, but we aren’t going to talk that long, and I’m not staying.”
“But you love pizza. Do you still take it with just sauce and cheese? Juniper here is very particular about her food,” he tells Tyler, like the two of them are friends.
“Just fix my to-go order, Ty,” I murmur. Tyler nods, giving me a strange look and leaves.
“Maybe I wanted to order,” Greg says, sounding like a sullen child.
“Greg, I don’t know what you wanted here tonight, but I need to go. You’re in violation of our agreement by even being here, which is okay since I agreed to it, but after our meeting, I’m ready for you to leave.”
“You’ve grown hard, Punkin’,” he says softly. That nickname makes my stomach upset and uneasy.
“I’ve grown up—there’s a difference. Also, don’t call me that name anymore. I didn’t like it way back when and after everything that has happened between us, I like it even less.” I’m actually arguing with him! It makes me proud. I’m really glad that I’m doing it while sounding cool and calm. Under the table however, I’m pretty sure I’m drawing blood with my nails against my skin.
“Have you heard of the twelve-step program, Juniper?”
“Are you really telling me that you came all this way because of a program in AA, Greg? You told me you were sick. What is this? You want to wash what you did to me clean before you die? There’s nothing you can do now that would fix the past, Greg. If that’s what this is all about, you should have just saved yourself a drive out here.”
