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“Don’t you dare,” I whisper. “This is…” I try to find the right words to describe how it makes me feel, but none seem right.
Following Cia over to the couch, I carefully sit down without disturbing Selene. Her soft snores and spit-bubbles are so mesmerizing it’s hard to look away.
“I know what you mean,” Cia says seriously. “She’s changed the way I’m thinking, feeling, even acting. Everything is different now that we have her.”
“How so?” I question.
It’s clear to anyone who knows her, that motherhood has changed Cia—and I’m not talking about the physical changes. Though, speaking of those… how the bloody hell is she looking like she’s ready to step onto a runway just two weeks after giving birth?
That aside, there’s a calmness I’ve never seen in Cia before. She’s radiating happiness at such a high level it’s hard to avoid getting swept up in it just from being near her. Greedily, I am hoping she can give me a recipe I can follow to find my own happy-ever-after.
No, that’s not right. I am happy. Being with Lupa has brought me so much joy I barely know what to do with it. Yet, I can’t seem to embrace it completely, or let go of my old ice-queen persona. I don’t understand it, though. Cia and Lupa have been through more than me, so how is it they can… let go?
Cia shrugs. “I don’t think I can explain it. It’s just… the simple answer would be that Selene is all that matters, but that’s not true. It’s not that she’s taken over, she’s just helped me change my focus. Made me take notice of other things, and realize their importance. It’s like, I have to do better because I want better for her. Does that make sense?”
I look around the room while absorbing her words. I hear them, I understand them. But somehow they don’t resonate with me.
Laughing softly, Cia places her hand on my arm. “You’re trying too hard, Morgana. I’m free because of you. If you hadn’t stepped in and taken the role as the Drákon Leader, I would have had to. You shoulder a lot of responsibility, so it’s only natural you’re feeling the weight of it.”
Is that what it is I’m feeling?
“Look, don’t be too hard on yourself. It’s all going to take time, and what you and Lupa have been through will take time to get used to. I can’t imagine what it’s like to go from hiding your love, to suddenly have everyone act like you’re being silly for feeling awkward.”
Cia’s words hit something inside me. That’s exactly how I feel. The very people who tell me to get over it are the same ones who would have condemned me.
“Lupa is over it,” I say. “If she can move on, why can’t I?”
I’m relieved when Cia doesn’t shrug my question off.
“Because you’ve been on your own for so long, Morgana. You closed yourself off from almost everyone, that takes time to bounce back from.”
By now, Cia knows how long me and Lupa have been together, and it’s a lot longer than people think. We didn’t meet at Kronos University, we’d already been together a few years when we enrolled.
“I don’t want to be an ice-queen anymore,” I admit softly. “But I don’t know how to be any different. This is me.”
We’re interrupted by a soft knock, but before either of us can react, Lupa opens the door and walks in.
“Do you need more time?” she asks, her eyes darting between us.
Cia looks expectantly at me, so I shake my head. If my arms were free I’d gesture for my wife to come join us, but I’m not giving Selene up. Not even for Lupa.
“Can I hold her?” she asks after sitting down next to me.
I shake my head vigorously, and place a kiss on the baby’s forehead. She looks so sweet and innocent, two things I desperately want to hold on to.
“Not yet,” I almost whisper.
Okay, I can’t postpone any longer. I promised Lupa I’d ask, and I can’t do it with Cia’s men here. No matter how many times she reiterates that we’re family, I can’t say I feel like that with Kai. I know I’m the one who acted like a brat when I left the Society because I refused to back down, just as I know I should apologize. Maybe one day I will.
“Here goes,” I mutter, steeling myself. “Lupa and I went through all the Drákon files, Cia. And there’s one with your—”
Before I can finish what I want to say, she holds her hand up. “Unless it’s vital to me, or something you absolutely believe I have to know, I don’t want to hear it.”
“Are you sure?”
She nods. “Absolutely.” Pausing, she blows some loose strands of hair out of her face. “The thing is, before Selene I would have wanted to know. At least I think so. You already know I grew up alone, and finding more family members would be nice.”
When Cia pauses, Lupa softly prompts, “But not now?”
