AllFreeNovel
Share Us
I nod.
“Fucking hell,” Easton says.
“Damn it,” Lance echoes.
“I just need you guys to be there for her. I’m really sorry. If I’d known, I never would’ve started anything. I swear to you I didn’t know.”
They all nod, but they look as stunned as I was last night.
“Give me a half hour. You’ll see me get in my truck.” I push my hands into my jeans pockets and look at the ground.
“Are you sure you want to leave? I can arrange a room for you at the resort. Give both of you time to figure it out,” Lance says.
I give him a sad smile. “I appreciate the offer, but…” I shake my head, not sure how to explain it. “I’ve felt guilty ever since the accident. I’ve wondered about the people left behind—how it affected them, whether they were able to move on with their lives. And now I know. I’ve been living with the byproduct of my failure. How could she ever look at me the same again? How could I ever look at her the same way?”
“I’m sorry, this sucks.” Easton is the one who says it, which surprises me.
“I think you should wait,” Calista chimes in. “You guys can figure it out.”
I smile politely. “I’m the reason she’s a widow. My job is to save people in the water, and I failed that night. Regardless of specifics, I failed, and she’ll always look at me and know that.”
Without another word, I walk up the hill, shake hands with Rylan—although he knows nothing of what is going on—and go back to my truck. I drive the few blocks to our apartment and park outside, not wasting any more time.
When I walk back into the apartment, Brinley looks up at me from the couch. “Hey you, I missed you this morning.” Then she must register the anguish on my face and my bloodshot eyes. “What’s wrong?”
“We need to talk.”
Twenty-Seven
Van
She walks over to me and wraps her arms around my waist, but I don’t reciprocate the hug, guiding her back to the couch while I sit in the chair.
“Do you have a picture of Sawyer?” I ask, wanting to be sure. It’s a last-ditch effort that won’t pan out for me.
With a furrowed brow, she goes to a drawer, then hands me their wedding photo. Of course, those dark eyes staring at me in the photo are the lifeless ones that looked up at me on the helicopter.
“Why do you want this?” she asks softly.
I set the picture on the coffee table, looking up at her through my eyelashes and waiting for her to react. “Brinley, I’m a Coast Guard diver.”
“And?” She sounds hopeful, like maybe I knew the diver or had heard about Sawyer’s accident.
“I was the diver on scene the night Sawyer died. I was the one there.”
“Oh.” She looks away from me, looking lost.
“I’m the reason he’s dead.” The words feel like rocks in my mouth.
Her head slowly turns back to me, and her eyes narrow. “What? He drowned.”
I lean forward and take her hands because this is probably the last time I will ever hold them. “Do you want me to tell you what happened that night? It’s up to you, but either way, I’ve packed my stuff up and…” I dig into my pocket and pull out the check that covers the rest of the year. The good thing about having no life and not taking time off for years is that it really helps your savings account. “Here’s the rest of the rent for the year.”
“You’re leaving?” Her eyes brim with tears.
“Did you hear me? It was me. The reason Sawyer is dead is me. I’m to blame.”
“Did you know that when you came here?” she whispers.
