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“You know what, guys? You’re hotter messes than me. So don’t go pretending like you couldn’t have been caught in a situation like this as well.”
“Yeah, but we’re not. In fact, we’re the ones helping you,” Polly said.
“Yeah, Harriet. We’re the ones helping you.”
“You guys are helping me for a thousand dollars apiece. If I would’ve said it was ten bucks, would you be here?”
“Hell to the nu-oh,” Chelsea said. Polly just shrugged.
“I mean ten bucks, not likely. A hundred dollars, maybe. Fifty dollars, not likely. A hundred and fifty, maybe. Seventy-five…”
“Okay, enough,” I said. “But guys, what am I going to do?”
“Do you want my honest opinion?” Chelsea said. And I nodded yes. “Serve the fucking fish and chips. Let us get our thousand dollars, and all of us will bounce.”
“What do you mean, all of us will bounce?”
“I mean, yes, we’re laughing and giggling with you, but I do agree something is up. Plus, every five seconds that man has got his hands on you and he’s trying to kiss you and do whatever. And if I’m being honest, I think he just wants to get in your pants.”
“You’ve said that before, so you don’t have to preface it with ‘if I’m just being honest.’ It seems to me you’ve been being honest.”
“Okay. Well, honestly, I think he’s just trying to get in your pants and he’s putting up with whatever crap because he thinks that’s what you want to hear, and because he thinks you’re lonely, because it’s quite obvious to everyone on God’s green Earth that you’re not really a chef and that you didn’t go to the Culinary Institute and that you certainly didn’t win any prizes.”
“What? What did you say?”
“Yeah. Finn was telling people that you won first place in some Culinary Institute competition or something, and a bunch of his guests started laughing and wondering if it was at a preschool or something.”
“Oh my gosh, that’s horrible. What did Finn say?”
“He just pressed his lips together when he saw me looking over. But it didn’t seem like he was that mad at them for laughing. And then I heard a couple of people saying that your cooking was shit and that if Finn was hiring just anyone, then he could hire them, too.”
“I thought you said people loved the cheddar biscuits.”
“They do love the cheddar biscuits, but,” she shrugged, “it’s not like you made them.”
“Yeah, but they think I did.”
“I guess,” she said. “I’m just saying I think it’s obvious to everyone that you’re BSing being a professional chef, and I don’t know why Finn believes it. Maybe he is a psycho. But something is definitely up here. So let’s get our money and bounce.”
I stared over at Polly. “Is that what you think as well?”
She nodded. “Yeah. In fact, Chelsea and I were talking about it when we were in the room.”
“What do you mean when you were in the room?”
“When one of the guests pretty much asked if the entire evening was a joke and that this was the worst food she’d ever had. I kind of thought to myself, ‘This is not going to end well for Harriet.’”
“Thanks, guys. Were you going to tell me this?”
“We were going to tell you when we got the two thousand dollars,” she said. “Because we didn’t want you to leave before then.”
“Oh, wow. So you guys can go and buy makeup and…”
“Actually,” Chelsea said, “we’re going to give you most of the money.”
“What? What are you talking about?”
“We’re going to give you the money, save for a hundred dollars each, so that you can try to get your own place. So you don’t have to deal with this bullshit,” she said.
