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I stare at the ground as blood pools the drain, trying to will myself to remember what happened, but it doesn’t work. “No more pain meds. I need to remember what went down in that alleyway and I can’t get my mind to focus with everything they are giving me,” I tell them.
“Honey, it’s only been a week since your surgery. You will be in excruciating pain if you quit cold turkey,” Mom explains.
“I can handle it. If it means figuring out who shot me and Gabe then it will be worth it. I need to know and I need to make them pay for what they did. I can’t wander around living in fear because we don’t know who shot us. Hell, it could be one of the guys for all I know.” I roll my eyes at the absurd accusation.
“You can’t be serious? The guys would never—” Cassie starts to defend them but I cut her off, holding up my hand.
“I’m not dumb, Cass. I’m just making a point. It could be anyone, and when this fog clears, I know I’ll be able to see it clearly,” I explain.
“You don’t know that. The only thing we know is that you will be in some serious pain if you stop those meds. But if you want to be stubborn and do things the hard way, then who am I to stop you,” Mom says, shaking her head in disapproval. “Besides, I’m sure those two,”—with her hands massaging my scalp, she nods her head towards the room where Jax and Lucky are waiting, then chuckles—“ will have plenty to say about it so I’ll save my breath.” Cassie and Mom start to laugh as I roll my eyes. I’m sure that will be a fight but I have to try and make them understand that I need to do this for my own sanity.
Mom finishes up washing my hair and moves to shut off the water but I stop her. “Will you two give me a minute? I just need a second to myself,” I ask. Mom gives me a worried look but eventually gives in, stepping away. “I’m fine, Mom. Don’t worry.” The two of them leave me alone under the glorious heat of the water spraying over my body.
I stand under it for a few minutes before shutting it off. Stepping out of the shower, I lock the door and begin to slowly dry my body and move to the mirror to inspect my wounds.
“I was shot,” I whisper to myself, running my hand over my incision. “I’m alive, Gabe’s alive, and we’re all going to be okay,” I repeat several times before ending up on the bathroom floor curled up in a ball with tears streaming down my face. It’s all too much. One minute, I was trying to take a step towards the future I wanted with the guys and the next, I’m jumping in front of a bullet for the man I was trying to end things with. Gabe is somewhere in this hospital fighting for his life and I’m laying on the bathroom floor having a panic attack.
“Angel, let me in!” Lucky yells as he pounds on the door.
“I’m fine, Luck. Just give me a minute.” My voice cracks as I try to sound strong, at least long enough to get the words out.
“Liar! Unlock the damn door, Angel!” he yells.
Letting out a deep sigh, I take a second to collect myself, drying the tears from my eyes and pulling myself up off the floor. I quickly put on the comfy clothes that Cassie brought for me to wear. My shoulder hurts like a bitch, but the doctor said that’s normal after surgery. I pull my shoulders back, and stand up straight, mustering up every ounce of confidence in me.
Opening the door, I brush right past Lucky, who looks like he’s about to have an aneurysm. I make a beeline straight for Cassie, she’s the only person in this room that will give me what I want—what I need at this moment.
“Cassie, I need you to take me to see Gabriel.” Before the words leave my mouth the complaints start up.
“Are you out of your mind?!” Lucky shouts, throwing his hands in the air like a child having a tantrum.
“Fuck no! Excuse my language, Brenda. But no. The only place you are going is back to bed to get some rest,” Jax curses, pointing to the bed. They don’t get it and probably never will, but I need to see him.
“Last time I checked I was a grown-ass woman who didn’t need permission from any of you to do something that I want to do. You can argue all you want, but I am going to see Gabe. So either get on board or get the hell out of my way.” Easing myself onto the bed, feeling exhausted from exerting myself, I press the nurse button and request a wheelchair when no one moves to make it happen. If they won’t take me, then I’ll do it myself.
“I’ll take you.” Cassie huffs a sigh before taking the wheelchair from the nurse entering the room.
“Mom, are you alright?” I ask, taking a seat in the wheelchair. She slowly nods but doesn’t look in my direction. “Mom, what is it? What’s wrong?”
She chokes out a half cry, half laugh then turns to meet my gaze. “What isn’t wrong, Angel? How did we get here? You’ve been brokenhearted, kidnapped, hurt, and now shot, all within a matter of months. All because of the danger they put you in!” she cries out, pointing at Jax and Lucky. “Now, here you are jumping in front of a bullet for the man who kidnapped you and you’re begging to see him? How does any of this make sense? Where did I go wrong?” She places her head in her hands and begins crying uncontrollably. Lucky moves beside her, wrapping his arm around her but she shrugs him off. “Do you think you can comfort me? You and these boys are the reason behind my pain. The reason my daughter is caught up in a war with no way out. Am I supposed to just sit back and watch you die, Angel? You have no regard for your own life or how it will affect me when you are so careless with your actions. I don't know what to do anymore. This town is toxic and I want to leave. Everything in me is screaming to take you as far away from here—away from them, as far as I can get you!” Mom shouts with terror in her voice. Lucky shies away from her with a guilt-ridden look on his face.
I fall back against the chair as the tears run down my face. I’ve been so consumed with everyone except Mom. Remorse and shame fill my core, and before I have the chance to respond Jax’s voice fills the air.
“Brenda, I know there’s nothing we can say or do to change the way you feel toward us right now,” Jax says as Mom nods her head in agreement. “But I swear to you, I love you with everything in me. I would never knowingly put her in danger. None of us would. She’s our whole world as much as she is yours. I’d trade places with her in a heartbeat. Hell, I’d give up my own life if it meant keeping her safe.”
Jax walks over to my mom, kneeling before her and taking her hands in his. “I promise you I won’t rest until King has paid for what he did. You will be able to sleep at night knowing your daughter is safe even if it’s the last thing that I do, and whatever your feelings are about Gabriel, whether I agree or not, don’t matter. What matters is that Angel has an unexplainable bond with him and she wants to make sure he’s okay. Do I like it? Hell no. But I’m not willing to fight her anymore on this. She’s going to make her choices no matter what any of us think or feel. We all need to respect her enough to let her figure shit out on her own.”
“That may be easier for you than me, Jaxon,” Mom replies.
“You think it’s easy to watch her rush to another man’s side the moment she wakes up from a coma?” Jax releases a breath of annoyance as he stands and walks to the window. “No, Brenda, it’s not easy to admit the woman I long for feels something for a man like him. That’s something I’ll never quite understand. I love your daughter so much it physically hurts sometimes, but I also know she’s always done what’s best for us—all these years she put our needs first and now she’s choosing herself. As much as it hurts…” He turns to look at me, pain and hurt piercing my soul with that one look, and I’m instantly second-guessing every decision I’ve made the past few months. “I’d rather walk beside her through hell than risk the chance of losing her to get what I want.” Jax sighs, causing my heart to break a little in that moment. I wish I could make sense of the way I feel for these men, but I was willing to give everything up for them. The freedom I felt with Gabe was unlike anything I’d felt before, but look at the pain it’s caused the ones I love most.
“Mom, I’m sorry for the pain I’ve caused you. I won’t sit here and defend Gabriel or his actions to you. He had reasons behind the things he has done and while I’ve come to understand him in a way that no one in this room can comprehend, that doesn’t take away from the torment it caused you. But the guys, they aren’t to blame for any of this. Their only downfall is loving me, and you can’t be mad at them for that.” My eyes move to Jax and then Lucky. The love I have for these men makes my heart swell. “I have four men who love me, who want to protect me, and they aren’t without their own faults, but neither am I. I don’t know what the future holds for any of us, but you raised a strong, capable woman. You should be proud of that. Don’t be mad at the guys, Mom. It’s King who deserves all your anger—all ofouranger. He needs to pay for what he’s done.” “I’m not sure how we got here, but this is where we’re at. We can either sit around complaining about it or figure out how to take back control. Bringing King down would be an added bonus.”
Looking around the room, I feel proud. We have all been through so much in life and never once did we let any of it break us. We are fighters and will forever be stronger together.
Mom wipes the tears from her eyes, straightens her shoulders, and walks over to stand in front of me. “I raised an incredibly strong, young woman.” Her eyes gleam with pride as she strokes my cheek. Leaning into her touch, I feel stronger just being near her. “I trust you, honey. It’s your life and you only get one, so make sure you do it right.”
Jax walks over, placing a hand on her shoulder. “We’ll take care of her, Brenda. I swear on my life.”
