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He licked and sucked and nibbled until I was moaning and gasping his name. “You gonna tell me how you’re friends with Johnny and his family?”
“No.” I gasped, pressing my fingers against his head for fear that he’d pull his lips away from me. His breath hit my clit as he huffed out a response, “at some point, you’re going to trust me.” Before I could deny his words, disagree with his statement, his lips were back on me and I lost it all to the moment, content to sink into Mack and how he made me feel.
I blinked back into the present, forcing my body to move. Mack had left a couple of minutes ago, intent on grabbing bagels from the coffee shop downstairs, and this time he wasn’t here to stop me from taking the shower that I so desperately craved. My barefoot pressed against the paper on the floor, the letter clinging to the sole of my foot as I moved, and as I bent down to pluck the paper from beneath, hopping around in the process, reality creeped back in once more. I wanted to burn the piece of paper - wanted to throw it in the passage outside and retreat back into this apartment where nothing could touch us. But then I had never been one to believe in the fairytale of magical endings and hope that turned into wishes that whisked you away.
I stared down at the paper, my brain already disassociating from my body as if that act could protect me from what I had to do.
It was a list of names. A hitlist of people in the same building as me. I wanted to be sick - to rage - to stab something because it wasn’t a short list - it wasn’t ‘just a few names,’ it was the equivalent of a goddamn encyclopedia. He may as well have just written one word in its place:everybody.
I couldn’t look. Not when Raquel’s name was on there - and Ajax. While I thought Ajax was an asshole, I hadn't missed the way that Aria stared at him when she thought no one was watching. The two were practically eye-fucking each other in the mirror in the basement gym the other day. I scanned the list again, noting a few names that were unfamiliar, but I was also pretty sure that one of the people on the list was the house doctor they had on call here.
The list was too long to memorize and, in truth, I couldn’t be bothered, not when I felt so numb. This -thiswas why Mack and I could never be anything more because, while he had done some bad shit - had possibly killed before, I had made a living from that particular skill set, and while The Warden hadn’t paid me actual money for the jobs I did, it was him who sponsored my university entrance - him who funded my venture into this basecamp, provided the information I needed towin. I owed him. No matter the body count, I owed him, and it was a good thing that I remembered that.
The shower warmed my limbs, pushing life back into my veins. Not the kind of life that Mack seemed to embolden me with - the feeling of joy and playfulness creating a person that I hardly recognized and may have even liked. No, the life that flooded my system was the same kind of pulse I’d been living with for years - revenge, numbness, and calculation. I didn’t make it this far by being frivolous and fun.
By the time Mack stepped through the doors, my mental barriers had been rebuilt, my clothing serving as a shield, and when he offered me a bagel, I did a good job of eating it with the kind of disinterest I’d show a stranger. Mack couldn’t get attached to me - it would only end in disaster.
Thankfully, he didn’t say anything - didn’t question the change in my demeanor, and for that I was thankful. I didn’t want to be cold and cruel towards him. It’d be easier if he simply accepted this for what it was.
I readied myself, offering him a flimsy excuse about meeting up with Raquel and Aria before escaping with my tote bag in toe. The Warden’s list was long, but I knew that I didn’t have to memorize it, I understood the gist. I could pullanyoneaside and it would be okay as long as I didn’t stop. At his request, I would be doing this daily, and the thought of having to sneak away from Mack each day to commit murder was enough to nauseate me. This time, I didn’t take the elevator, splitting down a corridor that had a series of blind spots when it came to their cameras. Honestly, while I was grateful for it, it was sloppy as shit that The Society hadn't done a better job of covering their grounds.
Despite the building being updated in accordance with modern standards and luxury items, the fire escape still shook and swayed as I pressed my weight against the mezzanine flooring. But out here there wasn’t a camera in sight, and I used the solitude to change out my shoes and sling my hoodie over me. Some blood stained the right cuff from where Paul and I had our scuffle, but it was hardly the kind of item I could stick in the laundry, and so I accepted the fact that I’d be wearing a filthy item that held all the evidence anyone would need to convict me for being the killer I was.
I made quick work of scaling down the rickety ladder, the metal groaning above as the wind swayed the landing. A groan sounded from behind me, but as I spun to double check that there was no one there, I was met with only air. I jumped the last few rings, my docs hitting the paving with a loudthud,and I pushed off before someone could come and investigate the sound. I kept my hood high, tightening the drawstrings around my chin as I moved swiftly, hunting for someone that my conscious could live with eliminating. I knew that I would never be able to take out Raquel, but as long as I offered up bodies in the name of The Warden, I hoped that he’d look the other way when it came to the exact people on his list.
It was idiotic, but it was all I had.
I skulked around the building until I found myself staring up at the cracked window of the women’s bathroom. It wasn’t any better than any other entry point available to me. It also wasn’t any worse.
With that in mind, I hoisted myself up, forcing my body through the small hole that was certainly not large enough to fit a body, but I made it work.
It wouldn’t be the first time someone pushed something too large into such a small space.That’s what she said. I snickered at my internal humor, knowing full well that when my time here came to an end, I’d only have myself for company. Because the thought of going back to the lifestyle I had lived - the one that was filled with back alley hookups, made my stomach lurch up into my chest. I was certain that I wouldn’t be able to touch another man after Mack, he had ruined me for any other man because I would compare anyone who came after him to what we had.
I huddled in a bathroom stall, prepared to wait it out. Someone would come in here that I could justify killing, I just had to exercise patience.
The sound of the bathroom door opening and closing had me straining to hear something that would give my conscience the greenlight to continue. A toilet flushed, the sink ran, and the sound of the door swinging shut once more echoed in the chamber.
I sat quietly, fully prepared to hunker down here until the right opportunity presented itself. My only regret was that I didn’t bring my damn kindle. I needed the distraction of some fictional alpha-hole that was particularly talented with his tongue. I used to think such men didn’t exist - until I met Mack.
About an hour later, the door opened again, and I heard the distinct chatter oftwowomen. They giggled and gossiped. The sounds of toilets flushing once more filled the air, and still I waited.
It was as they were washing up that I got the first hint thatthis might be it.
“What was yours and Chad’s assignment?” The girl’s voice was nasally as she spoke, high pitched in that headache inducing way. And of course his name was fuckingChad.
“We haven’t received ours yet,” the other girl moaned as if not receiving an assignment from The Society and being forced to partake in some disgusting task truly was a tragedy. “What about you and Parker?”
Jesus. I wish rich people were more innovative in the names they gave their kids.Preston. Carter. Chad. Parker. They were all one and the same, and I wondered if the girls had to swap partners if they’d even notice the difference.
The girl giggled before replying as if her assignment was comical. “We delivered a bunch of kids to some church. Filmed the priests.”
Horror dawned upon me as the reality of her words sank into me. Did she hear what she was saying?
“That was your assignment?” The girl in question didn’t sound horrified, she sounded… intrigued.
“Don’t be ridiculous. The church had a holding cell for them. We filmed them for security purposes.”
“Oooooh, good idea.” The questioning girl gushed, “so what was the actual assignment then?”
