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“Sarah, hi Sweetheart. I brought you a dozen of your favorite flowers. I hope you like them. I know, it took me long enough, but they are here now. I’m sorry it has taken me so long to visit, but I couldn’t bring myself to until now. I know that is no excuse and I promise to do better, I just didn’t know how to face it. I didn’t want to accept that you were gone. Not until now anyway. I didn’t bring Kenlee, but I promise to bring her soon.”
A laugh escaped me. “I wish you could see her, Sarah. She’s gotten so big and is crawling around everywhere. The pediatrician thinks she will be walking before she’s one. I’m not surprised though. She is a determined little girl. She looks just like you too. Every day I see more and more of you in her. She is a constant reminder that even though you are not physically here with us, part of you will always be here. I thank you for that. For the last five months, the angel we created together has kept me going. Without her, I am not sure I would have had the will to go on.”
I looked at Katya who had quiet tears in her eyes and squeezed her hand before continuing. “Sarah, there is someone I would like you to meet, although I can’t help but feel like you already know her. This beautiful woman is Katya Belinsky. I know you had a hand in rescuing her from her psychotic ex and I wanted you to meet in a more personal setting. Thank you, Sarah. Thank you for giving Katya and me the second chance that you never got. I promise we will make the best of it.” I bent down and touched the engraved heart on her stone.
I stood back up and looked at Katya. “Thank you again for being here today. Having you beside me has made it easier to face. I know that she is gone but having your support means more to me than I can possibly express.”
Softly, she said, “Zane, I am happy to support you in any way I can. I do not ever want you to forget about or stop loving Sarah. She is part of who made you who you are.”
I pulled her close, hugged her, kissed her gently, and then said, “Thank you. The truth in your words warms my heart. I hope this does not upset or offend you, but would you mind if I had a private moment with Sarah before we leave?”
“Of course. Take all the time you need. I will wait for you in the car,” she said as she kissed me gently and walked toward the Mercedes.
The moment felt surreal. I was watching my future walk back to the car that would take us to our home while I stood next to the grave of my past. A past that taught me how to love and be a partner. A past that I would never stop missing or loving, but that I had to move on from. I had thought you only got one chance at love in your lifetime, but I was wrong. I just hoped Sarah understood.
“Hi, Sweetheart. I’m back. I hope you liked Katya because I need to talk to you about her. Sarah, I want you to know how much I love you and will always love you, but I love Katya too. I know you haven’t been gone very long, and I didn’t expect this to happen so soon, but it has. She makes me happy, Sarah. Happier than I ever thought I could be after you passed…” I shuffled back and forth from one foot to the other, nervous about what I was going to say next.
“Sarah,” I went on. “Katya is really special. In some ways, it is like you picked her out for me. Who knows? Maybe you did, but I wanted you to be the first to know that I am serious about her. I plan on spending the rest of my life with her and taking care of her the way I would have taken care of you. I pray that you are at peace and smiling down on us knowing you will always be a part of us. I will keep you close to me and I promise to keep you updated on Kenlee. In the future, I will smile every time she rolls her eyes at me the way you used to. Oh, I know it’s coming, and I am ready,” I said laughing softly.
I placed two fingers over my lips, kissed them, placed them on her gravestone, and then stood up. “Goodbye Sarah, rest well sweet angel, I love you.” Slowly I turned and began walking back to Katya. I wasn’t sure what that future held, but I knew that whatever came our way, Katya and I would get through it together.
I’d locked the car so Katya was standing outside waiting. I could tell she was cold but she never let on or complained. She simply smiled and kissed my cheek as I let her in. I still wasn’t sure what I did to deserve her, but I was grateful. We sat in silence for a moment while I gathered my thoughts. It had been an emotional experience but one I was grateful for. I now had a sense of peace and the feeling that I had Sarah’s blessing. Finally, I turned the car on and pulled out of the parking lot.
Katya’s eyebrows were scrunched like she was debating on saying something, so I finally broke the ice by taking her hand and asking, “What’s the matter, Sweetheart? Are you ok?”She quickly looked at me and said, “No, nothing is wrong. I’m fine. I was just thinking about something. Well, actually I had an idea but I’m not sure how you will feel about it.”
Intrigued, I smiled and said, “Why don’t you tell me what this idea is and find out?”
Taking a deep breath she said, “Well, I know you said you want to start going to Sarah’s grave more often and I totally think you should, but I also know there will be times when life gets too busy and you can’t make it, so I was thinking we could call the florist and arrange to have a dozen lilies delivered monthly. We could even change it up depending on the season.”
I smiled at her. “I think that is a wonderful idea. Why don’t we call the florist when we get back and set it up?”
Her smile melted what was left of my heart and I knew she was a gift from above. She had come to the cemetery with me to show her love and support and had thought of having flowers delivered monthly so Sarah’s grave would always look nice. Katya had no idea that her simple gesture showed her love for me more than words ever could. I kissed her hand, smiled, and said, “Okay, then it’s set.”
We spent the rest of the drive talking casually about plans for the house and the baby’s nursery. Katya wanted to go with gender-neutral colors since we had both decided we didn’t want to find out the sex of the baby. We already had a girl and a boy so whatever this blessing turned out to be would just be a bonus. Most of our stuff had already been sent over to the house and we were planning on sleeping there tonight, but I had one last surprise up my sleeve. When I made the exit for the lodge, Katya turned and frowned at me.
“Zane, where are you going? This is the way back to the lodge. I thought we were going to the house to meet Addie and the kids.”
Laughing at her confusion, I said, “Don’t worry, we are. I told Harry we would come by and see him before heading to the house. He hasn’t seen us much since the incident with Aleks and I think he just wants to see with his own eyes that we really are ok.” It wasn’t the best lie, but I was still feeling a little frazzled and emotional after visiting Sarah, so it was the best I could come up with.
I could see the tension in her body release as she sat back. “Oh, okay. That makes sense. I would like to thank him again also. If it weren’t for Harry… Well, we never would’ve met. I owe him for a lot of things, but that’s by far the most important one.”
Shortly thereafter, we arrived back at the lodge. Inside, some of the staff grinned and smiled as we walked by. I led Katya to the elevator under the ruse that I had forgotten something in the room I wanted to pick up before we went to Harry’s office. My nerves were frazzled and I felt like a teenager on prom night, but I prayed she couldn’t tell. I pressed the button for the floor, pulled her close, and turned her to face me. I wanted to look at her gorgeous face one last time before stepping into the unknown. It felt like the elevator was purposely taking longer than normal and I was beginning to get antsy. After what seemed like thirty minutes but was probably only three, the elevator arrived on the 4thfloor. I held the door and escorted Katya out. We walked to the room and I stopped to kiss her before we entered.
I opened the door to let her go ahead of me and immediately her hand flew over her mouth in shock. Spread out all over the floor were lavender and red rose petals and soft music was playing. I stood behind her and let her absorb what was going on. I hoped she etched every image into her brain and remembered this moment forever. Today was a day I never wanted her to forget. When she finally turned around to face me, I was down on one knee with an open ring box. She gasped.
“Katya Belinsky,” my voice was beginning to crack as well but somehow, I managed to get out what I wanted to say. It wasn’t what I had rehearsed in my head but that was okay. For this, I let my heart do the talking. “In such a short time you have swooped in like an angel and completely changed my life for the better. Somehow, you looked past the grieving, grumpy, asshole I was and gave me a chance. You showed me how to be a patient and more attentive father to Kenlee while also showing me that it was okay to take care of myself too. Until you came along, I thought I would be miserable and alone for the rest of my life. I can only hope to aspire to be half as kind, loving, generous, and patient as you are. Being with you is not just thrilling, it is an honor. I know I do not deserve you, but if you’ll have me, I will spend every day of the rest of my life trying to be worthy of your love. What I’m trying to say is, Katya, will you make me the happiest man in the world and be my wife?”
Maybe it was because I was down on one knee, but Katya’s petite frame knocked me over when she jumped into my arms.
“Is that a yes?” I said laughing.
Speaking through her tears, she said “Yes! Yes, Zane Grey, I will marry you.”
I held her tight and kissed her passionately.
Having her this close and knowing she was going to be my wife aroused me in ways I hadn’t expected. Tilting her face to look at me, I hungrily said, “I am going to start by worshiping every inch of your amazing body and making love to you until you can’t walk.” Slowly, I began licking her ear and neck since I knew that drove her crazy.
Moaning, she said, “I wonder what it will feel like to have sex now that we’re engaged.” She began peeling my coat and shirt off.
