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What was my next move?
Chapter Seventeen
Neils
Iwasbusilytypingaway in my office, optimistic about getting the next section of the book done on the early side this week. That would put me ahead of schedule for the first time in a long time, and it would give me the chance to actually start working ahead. If I could do that, it might make it possible for me to finish the book ahead of our expected dates, which would give me more time to hang out with Erin and Libby before the end of the contract.
I knew there was a chance if I was finished early then the contract could end early, but I hoped that Erin was seeing the difference she was making in Libby’s life, and that could prompt her to stay out the rest of the timeframe we’d agreed.
Of course, there had been the thought more than once that she could just stay. Not for work, not under contract, but because she and I started a relationship.
I knew she had that kiss on her mind, and I was surprised she hadn’t said anything about it. She clearly was distracted the entire day before, and I felt bad about that. I wanted to talk to her, but then, I wasn’t sure it was a good idea. I didn’t feel right telling her that it was a one-time thing. Because I wasn’t sure I wanted it to be a one-time thing.
On the other hand, I wasn’t sure it was smart for me to get involved with her. Nothing had changed. All the reasons I’d hesitated about it before were still in place, so why the fuck was I considering it now? Why the fuck did I not see those same things as quite as big of a deal now? It didn’t make sense in my own mind, and I could only imagine what it must be doing in hers.
But I had done the thing I normally do when I’m feeling lost. And that’s nothing.
The house had been quiet for the past hour. Libby and Erin had walked to school together that morning, and I chose to get an early start on my work that day while they did. The only problem was, ever since the two of them had left, all I could think about was Erin and that heated kiss the other night.
I halfway considered taking the extra time I had on my hands and deal with the lust that was growing inside me. It would be a good time without either of the girls home. It might not be the reason I stayed home, but it would be a good use of the time now that I was struggling to concentrate.
I was just about ready to act on the steamy thoughts that were running through my mind when I heard the front door open and close again immediately following. Immediately, all those thoughts vanished from my mind, and I turned in my chair just in time to see Erin poking her head into the office doorway.
“Sorry to bother you,” Erin said. “But do you mind if I borrow the Jeep? I’d like to drive to the mainland and hit up one of the specialty shops up there. I promised Libby she and I could make macarons in the next few days, and we don’t have everything.”
“Are you sure you can’t get it here on the island?” I asked. I was quick to clarify, “Of course, you can take the Jeep, but I’d hate to see you waste time driving if you could get the same stuff here on the island.”
“I don’t know if I could find it here or not, but I figure if I just drive to where I know the things are and come back, then I’m going to either spend the same amount of time getting it, or I’m going to risk going all over and wasting the day and not being able to find it if it’s not here,” she said.
“That’s fair,” I replied. “Take it. Be careful if you do.”
“You know I will be,” she said. She was about to go when she suddenly paused and added, “Are you all right?”
“Just a little distracted with this,” I told her. “I’m ahead of schedule, and I was looking back over a piece I had written the other day. I wasn’t sure if I wanted to leave this in here or not.”
“What is it?” she asked. “Is that the book you’re working on?”
“Not what I was just looking at,” I said. “It’s a piece that I’ve been working on should I really go through with writing a memoir. Part of me wants to, part of me thinks no one really cares enough about what I did with my life to justify the time and effort it would take to put out a memoir. But then, who knows? I might be able to help someone else if they saw the shit that I’ve gone through.”
“I didn’t know you were passionate about things like that,” she said.
“I care about what happens to the other soldiers,” I told her. “I think that comes with the sense of brotherhood they instill in all of us when we sign up. But also, like I said, I’m not sure that the shit I’ve done is interesting enough for someone to want to buy a book about it. There’s the shit that I did in the military, and if I really wanted to help out my brothers in arms and not have to bore the whole world with what other shit I’ve done, I could focus on just that.”
“I think you should go with a whole memoir,” she told me. “I would read it.”
I laughed. “Would you?”
“Sure,” she insisted. “And I’m not even joking or even just being nice about it. I would love to know more about you and the things that you have been through. And Libby, and I’d love to hear more about her mom. I mean, for as much as I feel I’ve gotten close to the two of you living here for the past month, I’m sure there are so many other things that I could learn, too. And I want to if I could.”
“Well, that’s quite a compliment,” I told her.
“Can I see what you have right now?”
“You mean the part I’m debating?”
“Yes, if you don’t mind,” she said.
“I don’t know,” I said.
