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‘He might. But generally, people do know what they do and don’t want, in terms of having a family or not,’ he said, looking inscrutable. ‘Oh, look! Here they go!’
Suddenly, a cloud of black birds flew up from the trees in the meadow and met in the sky above Liz and Ben. There must have been thousands of them, Liz thought. And, as they flew, the overall impression was of a vast inkblot in the sky which shifted and flowed into new shapes every few seconds.
‘Have you ever seen this before?’ Ben watched her face as Liz watched the birds in wonder.
‘No. Never,’ she breathed. ‘Wow. It’s amazing. I had no idea it would be like this.’
They stood in silence, watching the birds for several minutes, until the flock started to disperse. Liz felt as though she had just observed a private miracle of some kind.
‘So. What did you think?’ he asked.
‘It was amazing. Thanks for bringing me.’ Liz stared up at the remaining birds that were still in the sky, thinking about Paul. She still didn’t know what to do about him, but at least she felt a little calmer than she had before. ‘It did me good to get out of my own head for a while.’
‘I’m the same. Sometimes, it all gets a bit much, so I come out to the hills, or hike, or come here to watch the starlings. It helps.’ Ben shrugged.
‘I’m sorry about earlier. I kind of overshared a bit too much,’ Liz confessed.
‘Oh, not at all. I’m glad you felt like you could talk to me.’ Ben looked surprised at the apology. ‘I’d like to think we were becoming friends.’
‘Sure. That would be really nice.’ Liz felt suddenly shy, but she didn’t really know why. Ben had been so kind to her, and she appreciated it. But it still felt difficult, opening up about everything that was going on, no matter how many times she did.
‘Good. Well, we should probably head back, then,’ he sighed and jammed his hands back in his pockets. ‘Not that I want to. I’d much rather stay out here.’
‘We do have work to do,’ Liz said, gently. ‘Well, I do. I assume you do too.’
‘Ah, Liz. Ever the practical one.’ He laughed wryly. ‘You’re right, of course. Let’s get back, or Carol will wonder where we got to.’
They walked back to the four-by-four, across the meadow and then the field. Liz had the impulse to reach for Ben’s hand as they walked, but resisted it: with everything that was going on with Paul, she couldn’t handle any other entanglements with men, even if she and Ben were becoming friends.
There was just something about Ben: when she was with him, she felt safe and happy. He had a way of making things feel okay, even when they weren’t. Holding his hand felt like a natural extension of that energy, somehow.
Instead, Liz put her hands in her pockets too, and they walked along in a companionable silence. As they approached Ben’s four-by-four, a lone starling alighted on its roof, and cocked its head, looking at them both. They both stopped in their tracks, and Liz took in a breath.
‘That’s a lucky omen,’ Ben said, under his breath so as not to startle the bird. ‘Make a wish.’
‘Is it?’ Liz whispered. ‘I don’t know what to wish for,’ she added, admiring the starling’s green and blue plumage under its dark grey feathers.
‘Well, then I’ll wish for you,’ Ben whispered back, and looked meaningfully at the birds for a few moments. As if it was listening to Ben’s thoughts, the bird cocked its head again, and then flew off from the car, squawking loudly.
‘What did you wish?’ Liz asked as they got in the car.
‘For you to have peace and closure. And to have whatever your true heart’s desire is,’ Ben answered, and then blushed. ‘Come on. Let’s get back.’
TWENTY-FIVE
‘Muriel Peabody, Elspeth Anderson, Felicity Black and Evelyn McCallister.’
Liz stood at the front of the board room, her presentation on the four local women on the large screen behind her. Ben, Simon and the rest of the management team sat around the long, walnut board room table in front of her.
She swallowed a tic of nervousness. She’d done plenty of presentations before, but this one was more than a standard sales review. When researching Muriel, Elspeth, Felicity and Evelyn, Liz had really connected with their women’s stories. She felt passionate about making them the focus of Loch Cameron Distillery’s rebrand. This was the way that the business was going to reinvent itself, if she had anything to do with it: by celebrating the unsung voices of its community.
Liz had come into work this morning determined to put Paul out of her mind. And, now that she was in the board room, she was focused on what she was there to do. But, still, she knew that if she let herself, she could very easily start to obsess over him. What had that night meant? He’d told her he still loved her.
I love you, Liz.
Liz felt as if the rug had been pulled from under her. How was she supposed to cope with that? He’d asked her to move back to Glasgow too, which she could hardly believe. Why would she ever do that, when it had taken every bit of energy she had to leave?
For Paul. For what you had, her mind said.You might be able to try for a baby again. Or, you could just let yourself be happy with him.
