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‘You’re paying for it?’
‘Yes.’ He looked away. Liz didn’t know if he was embarrassed, but he shouldn’t have been. It was an incredibly caring thing to do for anyone, never mind someone with whom you had a difficult past.
‘So, it was Alice calling you?’
‘Yes. I met up with her a few times over the past months. She’d call me in a state, and I’d go and try and bring her back to earth, I guess. She wasn’t eating or really looking after herself: she seemed much worse than she ever had been before, but she wouldn’t let me get help until a week ago I found her unconscious on the floor of the flat she was living in. I called the hospital and they came and got her. I suppose I still felt guilty about how I left things with her when we separated, even though I know now it wasn’t my fault: that’s why I kept going when she called. Alice… she was a sweet girl. I did love her once. But not anymore. I need you to know that.’
‘Ben. I’m so sorry. I don’t know what to say.’ Liz hugged him. ‘Of course I understand.’
‘You’ve got nothing to be sorry for. I should have explained what was going on. I shouldn’t have left you in the lurch, coming up to this big presentation. I knew how important it all was. But… I was just ashamed, and I also had to help Alice. I just had to.’ He rested his head against hers. ‘Can you forgive me?’
‘Of course. There’s nothing to forgive,’ she murmured.
‘Thank you.’ He took a deep breath and held her close to him. ‘And the reason I’m saying all this is… that I really like you. I mean, Ireallylike you.’ He pressed her hands to his mouth and kissed her palms. ‘And I’ve wanted to do something about it, and not known how. I kept thinking,you can’t get involved with your co-worker.And then you told me about Paul and the IVF, and I thought,Liz just really doesn’t need a man in her life now, messing it all up again.’
‘And now? What’s changed?’ Liz breathed, her heart racing. She felt filled with nerves.
‘You. Me. This, whatever it is between us. I don’t know.’ Ben stroked her hair. ‘I just feel like, you came along and changed everything. After Alice left, I’d sworn I was done with women. I was going to concentrate on the business, be a hermit, wait for death. You know. That kind of thing,’ he chuckled. ‘And then you walked into the distillery that day and I just knew. You lit a fire under me – with the business, with everything – and…’ He shrugged. ‘I just knew. I know. You’re the one.’
THIRTY-NINE
‘Wow. This is all very unexpected.’ Liz blinked.That was a less than romantic response, she chided herself. But she didn’t know what to say. Today, when she’d woken up, she’d thought that Ben hated her and she might well have lost her job. Now, he was professing some pretty big feelings for her.
‘You don’t feel the same?’ Ben asked, his eyes vulnerable. ‘It’s okay if you don’t. I can cope. I just had to tell you.’
‘No, it’s not that, at all.’ Liz had been attracted to Ben from the start. She knew as well as he did that there was something there. ‘I just… didn’t see this coming, I guess. But, yes. I’ve always felt something between us. You always felt… right, to me. Somehow.’
‘Oh, Liz. I couldn’t bear to see you cry, yesterday.’ Ben took her in his arms again. ‘It broke my heart. I want more than anything to make you happy. As much as I can. I don’t know where this is going… I mean, I know where I’d like it to go.’ He smiled, bashfully, and Liz’s heart melted a little more. ‘But… I guess what I’m saying is… Can I kiss you? And, perhaps, after that… take you for dinner?’
Liz laughed.
‘Yes. As long as we go somewhere that isn’t the hotel. I don’t want our first romantic dinner to be interrupted with questions about the presentation, or shop talk.’
‘That’s fine. I agree.’ Ben leaned his head a little closer to hers. ‘And the kiss?’
Liz kissed him, a gentle sigh escaping his lips as she did so. It was a soft kiss: just a brush of her lips against his, but she knew that he wanted more by the way that his hands gripped her waist and drew her to him. She didn’t mind the intensity of his touch at all: in fact, she loved it. She loved the solidity of his body and the smell of his skin, which was something hard to describe. She couldn’t say exactly what Ben smelt of – it was nothing fragranced or artificial, but rather a comforting, warm sense of manliness that made her mind and body melt.
‘You feel so good,’ she murmured, pulling away just long enough to look up into his deep brown eyes.
‘You do too,’ he breathed. ‘I’ve waited to hold you for so long.’
His lips met hers softly, and, this time, the kiss deepened. Liz felt the heat rising between them instantly, and her body reacting instinctively to his.
‘Hmmm. I’m not sure that I can wait until after dinner.’ He grinned wickedly, and pulled her in towards him.
‘I never said there was anything planned for after,’ she murmured back, knowing that she would be unable to resist the pull of his body on hers if he kissed her like that later, and if they were alone, in a hotel room. There was something between them that was so electric and connected, and yet she’d never felt as safe with anyone else as she did in Ben’s physical presence. Not even Paul.
‘You blaze fiercely compared to everyone else around you,’ Ben murmured, stroking her hair. ‘I don’t know if you know that. But you do. And I’ve always thought you were so…disturbinglybeautiful.’
‘Disturbingly?’ She chuckled a little, secretly floored at his description. ‘No one has ever said that to me before.’
‘Well, you are. I haven’t been able to concentrate on work for months, knowing you were in the office next door. Well, that, and everything else.’ He kissed her again. Liz felt the tough stubble of Ben’s top lip brush her lip; she traced the new, unfamiliar shape of his mouth with hers.
‘I’m happy to have disturbed you, then,’ she murmured, between kisses. ‘You don’t think I’m too much. I love that about you.’
‘God, never. I can’t get enough of you. You could never be too much,’ he replied, his arms circling her waist, holding her firmly. ‘I never want to let you go.’
‘I don’t want you to, either,’ Liz whispered in his ear. ‘But I think we should probably find a cab. It’s getting cold out here.’
