AllFreeNovel
Share Us
The view over the city from the balcony was amazing, but Liz was right: the evening was approaching, and the temperature had dropped a little. Not that Liz thought she could ever really feel the cold if Ben was holding her.
‘All right,’ he sighed, letting her go. ‘But I just want you to know that this is temporary. The you-not-being-held-by-me stage of the evening, that is. I want to hold you a lot more.’
FORTY
Ben stood behind her, his arms wrapped around her as they stood together on the top of the mountain, looking out at the stunning view.
‘What d’you think?’ he murmured, holding her tight.
‘Breathtaking,’ Liz said, honestly.
It was a Sunday afternoon. The wind was chilly, but the view made up for it. That morning, as they lay in bed, Ben had suggested that they come.It’s so romantic, up there,he’d said, propping himself up on his elbow and gazing at her.I want to share my favourite place in the world with you.
Liz had demurred; it was so cosy in bed, but Ben had promised that they’d stay warm.
But we could just stay here, she’d giggled, wrapping her arms around his neck and looking up into his eyes.It’s warm here. Let’s save the mountain for another day.
That, my darling, is incredibly tempting,Ben had murmured, as he kissed her softly, tracing his fingertips on her neck and collarbone.But this means a lot to me. I want to take you up there. It was somewhere I’d always go, when I was a kid. It’s where I went when I wanted to get away from Dad, from school, everything.
So, after waking up in his warm bed at the manor house he had inherited from his family, they had wrapped up in their coats and got into Ben’s four-by-four.
It was all still very new between them. After Ben had taken Liz out for dinner in London, after the conference, they had ended up in bed together. Liz hadn’t thought she was ready – there had been a point where she had never thought she’d want another man. But Ben had been tender, sensitive, and incredibly patient with her that night. They had slept together, but it had been slow and sensual, and for what seemed like hours before that, Liz had just laid in his arms. He’d held her, and they’d talked as he stroked her hair and told her how beautiful she was, and how he was the luckiest man on earth to be there with her.
And passionate,Liz thought, casting a shy glance at him under her eyelashes. Ben had always struck her as a gentle soul, and he was always nothing but a gentleman. Yet, when he had picked her up in his remarkably strong arms and thrown her on his bed last night, she’d seen the lust in his eyes and realised that, under the sweetness and sensitivity, there was a man who knew how to pleasure a woman.
She shivered with delight, thinking about the night before.
‘Are you too cold, sweetheart?’ Ben murmured in her ear, and Liz shook her head.
‘No. Perfect,’ she replied, and nestled in towards his body.
She had to admit that the view was stupendous. By the time Liz and Ben had hiked to the top of the mountain, it was past eleven, and though it got colder the higher they went up, the sun had come out and there wasn’t a cloud to be seen in the crisp blue sky. Liz could see all the way across the loch, with the village spread underneath them like toy houses and then, beyond Loch Cameron, to other, heather-covered hills in the far distance. There was a fierce majesty in the green lushness of it all that took Liz’s breath away.
‘So.’ She undid the thermos and poured hot chocolate into the cup, offering it to Ben.
‘No, you have it.’ He smiled, watching her. ‘So, what?’
‘So, how often do you come up here?’
‘I used to come a lot. It was my special place, but I haven’t been up here for a year or two. I stopped wanting to for a while.’ He hugged her to him tighter. ‘You made me feel like coming here again.’
‘Do you really mean that?’ she asked, feeling slightly breathless.
‘Of course I do. More than anything.’ He kissed her. ‘I can’t believe I’m here with you. You’re like a beautiful fairy that came into my life and turned everything from grey to golden sparkles. And, yes, I’m aware how corny that sounds.’
It was such a romantic moment, but Liz’s internal voice was trying to spoil it:he won’t love you, he’ll want a baby and you probably can’t give him one, you should end this now and save yourself the heartbreak later,it whispered.
‘Ben. You know that I probably can’t have children, don’t you?’ She reached for his arm, feeling anxiety unfurl in her belly. She didn’t want to push him away, but she knew she had to say it. ‘I told you, about the IVF. It ruined my previous relationship. If you want a baby… I mean, I understand that you probably do, based on what happened between you and Alice…’ She trailed off, avoiding his eyes. ‘I can’t give you a family. I need you to know that before this goes any further.’
There was a silence.He doesn’t really want me,Liz told herself.It’s just physical attraction. Now that he realises what he’d be giving up by being with me,he’ll walk away.
‘Liz. Look at me.’ Ben tipped her chin up gently with his fingers, meeting her eyes with his. ‘Liz.I don’t care about all of that. Okay? That isn’t why I’m here. I understand what’s happened. I understand a baby might never happen. I mean, it’s kind of early to be having this conversation.’ He paused, and smiled. It made Liz smile too, and a weight started to lift in her heart.
Maybe this would be all right. Maybe there was a way forward.
‘But I know this is important to you, so I’m telling you here and now that I understand why you’ve brought it up. And, sure, I did always kind of see kids in my future, when I was with Alice. But it didn’t happen. And if that whole experience taught me anything, it’s that you don’t know where life is going to lead you. Okay?’
Ben kissed Liz again, gently. ‘Liz, you are unlike any other woman I’ve known. I want to be with you. And, if you want to try IVF again, I’ll support you. Later down the road, if you want to adopt, I’ll support you. I want to be with you. Whatever that involves. And if it ends up being just the two of us, then I’ll still be the happiest man on earth.’
