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“Kyle must have turned mental since we last talked.” I give him a frustrated glare. “You know he hasn’t talked to me since we broke up? I know bro code is real and all, but homeboy hates my guts.”
“That’s my boy.”
“Gee, thanks. I don’t remember forming a hate club against you.”
“Never told him to hate you. He formed that opinion on his own, and I’m not sure how anyone could be pissed at me for your ending our relationship.” He leans against the wall. “You know I would’ve never done that to you, especially the way you did it.”
“Can we go back to joking about sex now? I’m too exhausted to talk about blame and people being mad at me.”
He blinks at me a few times. “You’re upset.”
I nod, trying to stop myself from bursting into tears.
“Long day?”
“You have no idea.” I slump down the wall and settle on the floor.
“What happened?”
A tear slides down my cheek. “We had a baby come in this evening who’d gotten into his mother’s coke stash while she was passed out. He overdosed, and instead of calling for help or bringing him to the hospital, she called her mother. His grandmother brought him in because his mother was afraid she’d be arrested for possession. By the time he got to us, he was having seizures, and we knew it was too late.”
“Fuck,” he hisses.
“I was his nurse. Jay, his doctor.” Another tear falls down my face. “We tried everything but we weren’t able to save him. Two years old and no longer alive, thanks to his selfish mother. I had no choice but to let her see him when she finally got the balls to come to the hospital. God, I wanted to snap when she screamed at us to save her baby like it was our fault, and then she dared to say we didn’t do enough to keep her baby alive.” I sigh, the memory jerking through me, and clench my jaw. “They prep us for situations like these. I’ve watched patients of all ages die, witnessed people lose limbs and go through severe trauma. It’s hard, but for some reason, this woman infuriated me. Her son died because she was irresponsible and negligent.”
His face pales when he sits next to me and drags me into his arms. “There’s nothing worse than a mom who purposely endangers her child. Any parent who does that is a self-centered piece of shit.” It doesn’t feel weird when he tilts his head down and kisses the top of my hair. Surprisingly, it feels comfortable and comforting. “What you do is extraordinary, Lauren. Hard on the heart but extraordinary.”
“You do the same,” I whisper, snuggling into his side. “You’re just as upset as I am.”
He squeezes me. “I’m not someone who likes people hurting others. Trust me, there are times I’ve had to hold myself back from snapping, too.”
I want him to tell me more, but I also don’t.
Police officers are a constant in the hospital, and some of their stories make my skin crawl.
I wipe my eyes and slowly pull away, sniffling. “Thank you for listening to me.” I nod toward his tear-and mascara-stained tee. “And for letting me ruin your clothes.”
“Anytime. You either ruin them or steal them. Nothing has changed there.”
“For some reason, when you steal a guy’s shirt, it makes it a hundred times more comfortable.”
“You’re welcome to them anytime.” He stands up and helps me to my feet. “Shower is fixed and all yours. Is there anything else you need while I’m here?”
Pull me back into your arms.
Stay here with me.
I shake my head. “You’re probably just as tired as I am.”
He rubs my back. “Get your shower. It’ll help you relax.”
I undress, and the water pressure is perfect when I step underneath the hot water. My tears fall down the drain, and I wish it’d take the memory of today with it. These are the days I don’t love my job, when I question if I went into the right field, and when I wonder if I should take another career route.
I made the decision to set my feelings aside when I decided to become a nurse. Caring for my patients is priority number one. At times, it is the hardest part of the job.
Not having emotions would be beautiful because pain is so ugly. Watching neglect and not having the freedom to scream about it at the top of your lungs is painful. It’s hard, having a heart when people come in without one.
And that’s what I feel like happened today.
