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Henods, his lips tilting up knowingly.
“AlongwithBeau, she’s my best friend.Wesort of grew up together.”
“There’sthat sort of again,” he says.
“Yeah.”Isigh. “SheandBeaugrew up together.They’veknown each other since they were kids.Ididn’t meet her untilIwas fifteen and moved in with my aunt andBeau.”
“Gotit.Beau’sknown this girl since they were itty bitty, and you’ve known her since you were a hormone-laden teenager.”
Mymouth twists in a reluctant smile. “Prettymuch.”
“Andnow you have more than friendly feelings for her.”It’sa statement, not a question.
“Youcould say that.”
Mickpauses with his bear halfway to his mouth. “You’rebeing damn evasive.Yougoing to tell me the full story or make me guess?”
Ilook down, slide my fingers along the strings. “It’scomplicated.”
“Tellme then.Getwhatever it is off your chest.Youknow you don’t have to worry about me spilling secrets.”
Inod.I’mnot worried he’ll tell anyone.Butit’s hard thinking back to the way things were at the start. “WhenImoved into my aunt’s house—”
“Whenyour mom dumped you on her sister’s doorstep, you mean.”Heknows the bare bones of this story, butI’venever shared all the details.
Igive him a look, but he shrugs. “It’sthe truth, isn’t it?”
Yeah, it’s the fucking truth.Ibarely knew my aunt orBeauwhenMomdropped me off one morning for avisit.Ihadn’t seen either of them sinceIwas little.Mymom didn’t even tell my aunt she didn’t plan to come back for me until she’d been gone a whole day.Whenshe made that phone call, the shit really hit the fan.I’mjust fucking lucky my aunt is one of the most generous womenIknow and far too aware of her sister’s failings.Idon’t know how many times she calledMomover the next few weeks; hushed conversations late at night, with words likeheartlessandselfishbeing whispered into the phone.Butit hadn’t made any difference, and because my aunt is an amazing person, she eventually became my legal guardian.Iowe her a huge debt of gratitude.
Beautoo.
Regretfills me.Becausehow haveIrepaid him?Bylying.Bystealing something that should have been his.
Iforce myself to go on. “Itwas rough at the start.Forall of us.Beauwas angry that he suddenly had to share a bedroom and everything else in his life with me.Myaunt was stressed because she was a single mom herself and suddenly had two teenage boys to look after instead of one.AndIwas pissed at everyone.”
Mickshakes his head, sorrow bracketing his mouth with lines. “Whatyour mom did was shitty.”
Ishrug asIstrum a discordant little tune. “Momwasn’t ever maternal.Wemoved around a lot, following her boyfriends until she either got bored or they got sick of having a kid trailing after them.Asa teenager,Igot harder to manage.Andthat’s when she started datingRoy.Inever really figured out what work he did, butIdoubt it was completely legal.Hehad plenty of cash, though, and didn’t mind flashing it around.Theproblem forMomwas that he andIclashed all the time.Theguy was an asshole, andItried to tell her the truth about him.Butshe didn’t care whatIhad to say.”
Isnort quietly.Lookingback now,Idon’t know whyIeven bothered.She’dnevercared howIfelt.Butshe was still my mom, andIwanted to protect her, even then.Inthe end, it hadn’t mattered.
Ireach for my beer and take a sip before strumming again.It’seasier to talk about this shit with a guitar in my hands. “Iguess when it came down to making a choice,MomwantedRoymore than me.WhenIspoke to her for the first time after she left me at my aunt’s, she said she’d done it for me.Thatit would be better for me to live with another kid the same age, to have a stable life.Idon’t know.Maybeshe thought she was doing the right thing.”
Myfingers still on the strings.Theday she left, she gave me a hug and a peck on the cheek, then waved casually out the window as she andRoydrove away in hisBMW.Iwatched from the open front door, still thinking she’d be back in a couple of days to pick me up.
Ishrug and fiddle with the tuning pegs. “Anyway,BeauandIdidn’t get along that great to start with.Hewas resentful, and so wasI.ShaewasBeau’snext door neighbor and his best friend, and she kind of eased the way for the two of us.She’dalways invite me along with her andBeauor ask me ifIwanted to watch television with them.Thatkind of thing.”
Ican’t help but smile at the memories.Theway she’d ask was so adorable.Beauwould scowl, but she’d put her hand on his arm and smile at him so sweetly that he’d grumble and shrug and go along with it. “Sheforced us to get over our attitudes, which was when we realized we actually had a lot in common, like a love of music, for one thing.Thenwe became really good friends.Allthree of us did.”
Mickscratches his cheek, his nails rasping over his stubble. “Shesounds like a nice girl.”
Niceisn’t the wordIwould choose.Nicedoesn’t encompass the sweetness of her smile and the warmth in her eyes.Itdoesn’t describe the comfortIgot from our late-night text messages whenIcouldn’t sleep becauseIwas wondering whereMomwas and what she might be doing.Nicewasn’t the word that bounced around my head whenIplayed my guitar in her room, watching her paint while she swayed to my music.Butfor the purposes of this conversation, it works well enough.
“She’svery nice.That’swhyIshouldn’t have been surprised when, about a year later,Beauadmitted to me he thought he was falling in love with her.Hewas worried about what it might mean for their friendship.Hewanted to know whatIthought he should do.”
Mickwinces like he can see where this is going now. “Whatdid you tell him?”
Iwork my jaw back and forth, guilt coiling in my gut. “Basically, that the chance of it going wrong was too high.Thatthere would be plenty of girls in his life, so he shouldn’t risk blowing up their friendship when there were so many other options out there.
