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Atleast we’ve kind of talked it through now.Sortof anyway.Ibite the tip of my thumbnail, looking out at the view again.Idon’t like keeping things fromBeau, butIcan understand whereDevon’scoming from.Weneed time to figure out where this is going.
Ihuff out a breath, tired of overthinking.Afterpulling my chair closer to the table again,Iget lost in whatI’mdoing until the sliding door opens.Myhope that it’sDevonis dashed whenBeausteps out.ButIgive him a happy smile because he doesn’t deserve my disappointment.IloveBeauas much asIloveDevon.Butmaybe not in quite the same way.
“Hey,ShaeBear.”Heplonks himself down on the chair next to me and slips on his sunglasses.Iadmire his profile: the straight nose, dark brows, a lock of his almost-black hair hanging over one, and the hint of stubble on his jaw.Iget a sudden urge to pick up my paintbrush, to try to do justice to how pretty he is.ButIshove it aside.Ihave actual paid work to do.
“Youseemed upset this morning.Iseverything okay?”Ican’t see his eyes through his shades, but the concern in his voice is clear.
Ismile.I’mso lucky to have him andDevon. “I’mokay.Honestly.Iguess…”Istare out at the view. “IguessI’mjust confused.”
“Aboutwhat?”
Ignaw on my lower lip. “AbouthowI’malmost twenty-five and in this situation.YouandDevon, you’ve got your lives figured out.Youknow exactly who you are and what you want.WhileI’mjust… existing.”
Heleans toward me, his forehead creasing. “Noteveryone figures out what they want in life as early as we did.Andeven most who do don’t get it.DevonandIwere lucky.Stopdoubting yourself and chase your dream.”Hesmirks. “Like,Idon’t know.Beingan artist?”
Igrimace.Phillipused to talk down about my art.He’dtell meIshould stick with my day job because two-bit artists were a dime a dozen, and over-inflating my skills and wasting my time trying to make a career out of it would only hurt me in the long run.Consciously,Iknow now it was another way he manipulated me, but the doubts he raised are still etched in my mind.Particularlysince the paintingsI’vedone sinceI’vebeen here have been less than inspiring. “I’mnot sure my paintings are good enough to make a living on.”
“Really?Becauseeverything you’ve ever shown me—not thatI’veseen many recently—has been great.Reallyfucking great.Andyou’ve always been so passionate about it.Sowhere is all this coming from?”
I’mnot opening that can of worms, soIchange the subject. “Actually,Iwas thinking of painting you.”
Hesits up straight, a grin tugging up his lips. “Isthat right?Youthinking a nude?”
Iroll my eyes and laugh. “No, not a nude.Aportrait.”
“Doyou need me to, what do they call it, sit for you?Shirton or off?”
“Okay, let’s not get ahead of ourselves.Itwas just a thoughtIhad when you sat down.Butthere has been no actual planning.”
“Makea plan.Thentell me when and where you want me, andI’llbe there.”
Ihesitate, then ask the question that’s been bugging me for the last couple of hours. “Doyou know whereDevonwent?”
“Noidea.Heleft without saying a word.”
Ilook back at my screen.Ishe still upset, even after our talk this morning?
Beaujolts me from my thoughts by standing up. “I’vegot to head out too.I’llsee you this afternoon.”
Heheads inside, andIsigh, tipping my head back and letting the sun warm my face whileItry not to think about whereDevonis and whenI’llsee him next.Myphone’s ringtone startles me, andIpick it up, butterflies swirling in my stomach at the sight of the name on the screen. “Hey.”
“Hey,Bambi.Iwas wondering if you wanted to come meet me.”
“Sure.Whereare you?”
“Thislittle music shopIhang out at sometimes.Ican send a car for you.”
Histone sounds a little off, but he doesn’t seem upset.AndIwant to see him.Ireallywant to see him. “Thatwould be great.Thanks.”
“It’llbe there in ten minutes.”
“That’squick.”
Hechuckles. “Ialready called them.”
Ipull one leg up to my chest and press my cheek against it to suppress whatI’msure is a goofy grin. “Wow, confident.WhatifI’dsaid no?”
“Youwouldn’t have.”
