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Hiseyes meet mine, the look in them throwing me back ten years—to when he came to live withBeau.Theblue is darker, more haunted thanI’veseen for a long time. “LikeI’mwanted.”
Thewords punch me in the chest. “Devon.Youarewanted.Byeveryone who matters.AndI’mnot talking about your fans.”
Herolls over, andIgo with him, draping myself over his chest.Hesmooths a hand up and down my back, but he’s focused on the ceiling.
Istudy the sharp, tense line of his jaw, debating whether to ask since it’s a sensitive subject for him.Butif he needs to talk,Iwant to be the one he can talk to. “Whenwas the last time you heard from your mom?”
Themovement of his hand on my back stops, and he’s quiet for so long,Iworry he won’t answer me. “Justover a year ago.Shesent a letter through my aunt since she didn’t have my new phone number.”
Ipress my hand to his chest, over his heart, feeling the thump-thump-thump against my palm. “Whatdid it say?”
Hisjaw works back and forth. “Thatshe was sorry to not have been in my life more.”Helaughs a little. “Thatshe was proud of me.”
Angeron his behalf ripples down my spine. “Really?”
Henods. “Yeah.Funny, huh?”
“Wasthat it?”
“Sheincluded her cell phone number.Iwasn’t going to call her.Ialmost tore the letter up.Ikept it, though.Notsure why.”
Lipspressed to his shoulder,Istroke my fingers over his smooth, warm skin. “Didyou call her?”
“Fora month,Itried to put it out of my mind.ButIcouldn’t stop thinking about it.Itold myselfI’dtalk to her once, then that would be it.”
“Whatdid she say?”
“Sheapologized again.Toldme she was happyIwas doing well.Saidshe was in a serious relationship and things were looking good.”
Iblink. “Wow.Ikind of expected her to,Idon’t know, want something from you.”
Hislaugh is humorless. “Thatwas the next phone call.”
Istiffen, and he glances down at me.Hesmiles, but his muscles are almost vibrating with tension.
“Shehad my phone number, then, and she called a few months later to say that she’d broken up with her boyfriend and he’d kicked her out.Sheneeded money for rent and was hopingIcould help her sinceIhad plenty.”
“OhDevon,”Ibreathe. “Whatdid you say?”
“Isaid no.Thenshe started to cry.Saidthat she knewIhated her for walking away from me.Butshe’d only been trying to do the right thing.Thatshe knewI’dbe better off with my aunt andBeauthan with her.Andmy success now is evidence that she made the right decision.I’dnever have gotten to whereIwas if she’d kept me.”
Iwatch him carefully, butIgive him the space to continue if he wants.Devon’sfeelings about his mom have always been complicated.
“Iasked her how much she wanted, and when she told me,Iagreed to send it to her.”
“Youdid?”
Henods. “ThenItold her if she calls again and wants to talk about what’s going on in our lives,I’lllisten.Butthe minute she asks for more money,I’llhang up on her and block her number.”
Ipress my lips to his skin again, wishingIcould curse the woman out.WishingIcould take away his hurt.Hismother gave him up because he was inconvenient and she cared more about her boyfriend than him.Sheonly came back around when she thought he’d be an easy source of money.Notbecause he’s her son.Notbecause she loves him.He’sjust a means to an end for her.
“Hasshe been in contact since?”
“No.”
Myheart aches.Shebasically walked away from him all over again when she realized he wasn’t going to give her what she wanted.
I’mnot a violent person, but the urge to track downDevon’smom and slap her flares in my chest.Notthat he needs me to protect him.Hesaw through her immediately and has already done that himself.Butseeing her for what she is doesn’t mean her rejection doesn’t sting.Justlike walking away fromPhillipdidn’t mean the way he’d treated me and the things he’d said weren’t still carved into my psyche.
