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Mywince reflects his. “Werethey fucking?”
Hissmile is crooked. “No.Theywere just in each other’s arms, kissing.Butit was enough.Itwas enough to proveIwas right all along.Theyjumped apart, andImarched over, decked my friend, then turned and left while my wife was crying and pulling at my arm.Ididn’t want to hear it, though.Iwent to the nearest bar, got shit-faced, and went home with the first woman who came on to me.”
Igrimace at the confession.Hestares past me, wearing a faraway look. “Itwas the biggest fucking mistake of my life,” he says. “Bythe timeIsobered up, and the guilt hit me, it was too late.Iwent home, knowing things were over.Mywife was there, alone, eyes red and full of tears.AndIfinally asked her why she did it.”Helooks at me, heavy lines bracketing his mouth. “Youknow what she said?”
Idon’t really want to hear it.Butif he needs to say it, thenI’mhere for it.SoIjust nod.
“ShethoughtIwas cheating on her.Stayingout late, drinking, pulling away.Nottalking to her.Basicallyshutting her out.She’dbeen confiding her fears to my friend, and that night, as she cried on his shoulder, he kissed her.Andfor a moment, just a moment, she let him.Butas soon as that moment was done, she knew it was all wrong.Eventhough she thought the worst of me,Iwas the only one she wanted.Ofcourse, that’s whenIwalked in.”
Mickscrubs his hand over his face.
“Didyou believe her?”Iask.
Micknods. “Yeah.There’snothing like seeing the truth shining from the face of the woman you love when you have a whole anchor of guilt hanging around your neck.”
Mygut churns whenIthink about howMickmust have felt in that moment. “Whatdid she say when you told her?”Iknow him well enough to know keeping that secret would have eaten away at him every day of his life.
He’squiet for a long time. “Therewasn’t really much to say.Butthe look on her face broke my heart into a thousand pieces.BecauseI’ddone that to her.I’dmade my fears come true.Iwas so sure of how it was all going to go thatIhadn’t bothered to talk to her, to share my feelings or my concerns.Andbecause of that,Icreated the very situationI’dbeen scared of.”
“Shewasn’t completely blameless,”Isay as gently asIcan.
Heshrugs. “Shouldshe have had him over so late at night?Possiblynot.Shouldshe have let him kiss her, even for a moment?No.Butshe was scared, just likeIwas.Andfear, well, it makes you do stupid things.Sheneeded comfort and reassurance, andIwasn’t there to give it to her.”
“Sowhat happened?”
“Wegot a divorce.Evenafter talking it out, there was no going back.Shecould never look at me the same after that.Threeyears later, we were both married again.Threeyears after that,Iwas divorced for the second time, and she was a mom.”Hiseyes shimmer, even as his mouth turns up in the saddest fucking smileI’veever seen. “Nowshe’s a grandma.Stillmarried to the same man.”Heclears his throat. “Goodfor her.”
Heblinks, and the haze disappears from his eyes. “Doyou get whatI’mtrying to tell you?”
Thepain of my own situation comes roaring back. “Iget it.Ishould have spoken toBeauandShaeearlier.Butit’s different.Ialready knew how they felt about each other.”
“Didyou?Ordid you just see what you expected to see?”
Ishrug.Beau’swords and the look onShae’sface last night confirmed thatIwasn’t making shit up just becauseIwas scared.Ihad proof of how they both felt back when we were teenagers too.Andyeah, having this moment hanging over my head for months has been torture.Iselfishly took whatI’ddeniedBeau, andIdidn’t want to face up to his anger.AndIcan’t stomach seeing the betrayal onShae’sface now that she knowsIkept her fromBeauall those years ago.I’mfucking terrified to confront the two of them together now that they’re free to love each other.
That’swhen a key difference between my story andMick’sbecomes clear. “Inmy case,I’mthe friend who pushed his way in where he didn’t belong.I’mthe one who took something that should never have been his to take.I’mthe one who deserves a fist to the face.”
Mick’smouth twists, but he only lets out a heavy breath and shakes his head. “Maybethis is just one of the things you have to learn for yourself.Maybewe all have to screw up our first love in order to see things clearly.Anyway,” he heaves himself up from his seat, “Ineed to get out front.Can’tmiss out on all the sales from the long line of people beating down my door.”
Hegrins, andIsmile back at him distractedly, my mind focused onShaeandBeauand what they might be doing right now.Talking, kissing, fucking…
Thatthought twists like a knife in my chest, and suddenly,I’mcraving another shot ofJD.ButI’vealready finished off the only bottle in the place.Plus,Ihave work to do here.Butlater,I’llhave to drink more soIcan drown out the memory ofShae’sexpression whenBeausaid he’d always loved her.
AndIdon’t care how many bottles it takes.
ChapterTwenty-Nine
Shae
“Please,Ijust need to talk to him for a minute,”Isay to the big man guarding the entrance to the club’sVIPsection.
Hesmirks. “Youand a thousand other women.”
Istand on my tiptoes and peer over his shoulder, finally spottingBeaustanding by the bar with a blond woman under one of his arms.IcalledCassiefor information about where to find him, and this is the third clubI’vetried.Hewas gone whenIfinally woke up yesterday morning, still exhausted after my restless sleep.Andhe hasn’t been back.NeitherhasDevon.I’mslowly going out of my mind worrying about whereDevonis and what he’s doing.Neitherhe norBeauis answering my calls or replying to my texts, andI’mat my wit’s end.
Iturn a pleading gaze on the bouncer. “Look,I’mhis friend,Ipromise.Canyou at least go and ask him?I’llwait right here.”
Maybethe tears gathering in my eyes finally convince him.Ormaybe he just wants to shut me up, but he gestures to another bouncer, who comes to watch the entrance while my guy makes his way over toBeau.
