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“Thankyou for telling me,”Isay and back up a step.
Ashock of pain flashes acrossBeau’sface, and he grabs hold of my wrist, then drops his head for a moment before looking back up at me. “Shae.Iknow you didn’t know about this.I’mangry atDevonfor lying to me.Fordoing the very thing he talked me out of doing and hiding it from me.I’mangry at myself for lettingDevonso easily talk me out of pursuing something with you all those years ago.”
“Andwhat are you angry at me for?”
“I’mnot—”Hesighs and shakes his head. “Okay.Iam angry.I’mangry that you went along with the lies.Itrusted you both, and to find out you had this whole other relationship behind my back?Ithits too fucking close to home.”Hisjaw tightens. “Andyeah, as unreasonable as it might sound, part of me is pissed that you let him be something to youIwasn’t allowed to be.”
Ishould have known he’d be hurt by our lying.Afterall,Iwitnessed the fallout with his dad.Allthe lies his father told him and his mom, how betrayedBeaufelt.Ishouldn’t have blindly gone along with keeping things a secret becauseIwas swept up in the idea thatDevonwanted me.Butthe other reason he’s apparently angry with me…
“Thatwas your choice,Beau.”Iraise my chin. “Nomatter whatDevonsaid, in the end, you made the decision to walk away.”
Helets go of me and dips his chin to his chest. “Iknow that.Logically,Iknow that.Butback then,Iwas a horny, hormonal teenager, confused about how my feelings for my best friend were changing.Iwent toDevonbecauseItrusted him to tell me the truth, to give me honest advice.Youknow,Iasked him at the time if he felt something for you, and he said no.NowIwonder if he had an ulterior motive this whole time.”
Ishake my head.IfDevonhad an ulterior motive back then,Idoubt it had anything to do with what’s gone down over the last few months.Otherwise, how could he have left me so easily?
IwatchBeauwarily, my ribs hollow, as if my insides have been scraped out.
“Ithink we all just need some fucking space,”Beausays eventually. “Justto get our heads on straight.Okay?Thenwe can talk again.”
Tensionpulls at the base of my neck, sending a dull ache through my skull.I’mempty, lost, andIhave no idea what to do with any of this.Theloud music and hovering women have me desperate to get away, though.SoInod and leave, positive that the momentIturn away,Beauhas a woman pressed against him again.Becausehe might have thought he loved me once, but he didn’t.Lovedoesn’t give up that easily.Lovekicks and wails, digs its heels in, and refuses to shut up.No,Beauwasn’t in love with me back then, andIdon’t believe for a second he loves me that way now.AndDevon…EverythingIthoughtIknew about him has been cast in doubt.
Becausehe walked away too.
Outsidethe club,Ihail a cab and head back home.No, not home.Althoughit might have felt that way for a few short months.
No, the penthouse has never been my home.It’sjust a pretty space whereI’veoutstayed my welcome.
ChapterThirty
Shae
Mytaxi pulls upacross the road from the apartment building, andI’min the middle of passing the driver a handful of cash when my attention is caught by the door to the building opening.Mylungs seize whenDevonemerges.It’sthe first timeI’velaid eyes on him since he left the night before last.AndthenIsabellewalks out behind him, and a vicious knot twists in my chest.
He’sobviously been back to the apartment because he’s wearing a tuxedo.Butrather than waiting there for me to come back so we can talk, so he can take me in his arms and tell me everything will be okay, he’s going out withIsabelle.Thetightness in my chest starts to burn when she turns to him, wraps her arms around his waist, and gazes up at him with a smile.
Ihunch over and sink down in my seat, my heart jumping erratically.
“Miss?”Thedriver’s obviously wondering whatI’mdoing, stopping halfway through handing him his money and hiding.
“Justa second,”Isay.ButIcan’t take my focus off the scene outside the building.
Isabellelets go ofDevon, but then he puts his arm around her shoulders.Asurge of heat to the backs of my eyes tells me tears are coming, andIdon’t know how longIcan hold them back.
Alimo pulls up in front of them, and any hope thatDevonwas just keeping her company while she waited for her ride goes up in smoke as he opens the door for her and then follows her inside.Isit there, stunned and so damn hurt, while the black car pulls out into traffic and drives off.
Myarms and legs are numb, my heart a lead weight in my chest.Iwant to scream at him for doing… whatever it is he’s doing.WhileI’vebeen running around in search of him andBeau, desperately hoping to fix this, whenIdon’t even know whatthisis, he’s been—Iclose my eyes.Ican’t even bring myself to think about what he might have been doing for the last two days.Orwho he might have been doing it with.Ashort while ago,Iwould have sworn up and down there was no wayDevonwould hurt me like this, but it’s clear how littleIknow about my best friend.Abouteither of my best friends.
Andmaybe he doesn’t even consider what he’s doing to be wrong.Wenever defined our relationship.Nevereven had the conversation about being exclusive.Forsome reason,Ididn’t think we needed to.Butin this crazy world of rock stars and models, do people do such mundane things as spell out what a relationship is or isn’t?Orwhen they’re over it, when it gets too complicated, too inconvenient, do they just move on to the next person?
Withnumb fingers,Ipass the very patient cabbie the rest of the money, then run across the road and scan myself in.
Bythe timeIget up to the penthouse, tears are running down my cheeks.Ilet myself in, scanning the space in search of any evidence ofDevonand what he was doing.Butthere’s no indication he’s been here at all.
Standingin the middle of that big, empty apartment,Ifeel more alone thanIever have in my entire life.Morealone than afterDadhad his heart attack.Morealone than whenIran out ofPhillip’sapartment, vowing never to return.Becauseback then,Istill hadDevonandBeau—in spirit, even if they weren’t there physically.
Now,I’velost them.Ihave no one but myself to lean on.
AndDad.
